feeling like a fool

[cingar]

I can't believe what i did. I was finally starting to feel better then i went and broke the whole nc rule. I should have come here first and ranted like i usually do. I just really needed to talk to him. as in my previous posts my family hasn't spoken to me since i started dating LPG.

Then on Wednesday out of the blue my sister calls me because she heard that we broke up and I was taking really hard. Hard what a joke i am still completely devestated. She said that her religion said she could call because this was an extreme circumstance. It was so great to hear from her but she told me that she wouldn't be able to call me again unless i repented of my sins for being with LPG. Well i just can't do that cause i have absolutly no regrets over him. She said i was allowed to call my mom for just that night so I did i never cried so much trying to talk to her but it was the same that she can't talk to me either.

So thats why I broke nc. I lost my family because of him . And I just wanted to talk to him and here his voice and have him tell me everything will be okay. foolish thinking huh! Anyways he said he wasn't in the mood to chat. I told him about my mom , but he didn't care he just said he had to go and that he would talk to me later. I knew that was a lie. it just so hard. to keep going .

A couple of my friends had invited me to go to Fredrecton for the weekend. I was so looking forward to it. I thought this would be a great break to get away and not worry about anything. But they emailed me and cancelled. so here I am all alone again on a Friday night. and feeling like crap. It just seems like I can't rely on anyone to help me thru this. I just miss him so much and feel really alone.

[kryptik0]

cingar, I understand your situation. Loneliness after a break up is awful. You need to turn to your friends during this time. Do you have any close friends that you could talk to and spend some time with regularly?

 

BTW, what is LPG?

[cingar]

lpg is his initials i don't want to use his name . Not that he would ever read this. And no I don't have any close friends. because when i stopped being a part of my religion I was disfellowshipped which means that my friends and family are not allowed to talk to me. thats why I keep coming on this posts. Cause i need to talk it out. of course i feel like i keep saying the same thngs over and over I'm almost getting tired of hearing it. Maybe thats why my friends bailed on me this weekend. who knows?

[sandyv]

Cingar, you will be ok, god i do know how painful this all is...... but take care of yourself right now, get through the night.... and know alot of us feel the same.... me too, hurting... Fridays were always with my ex bf.. a couple of days will help...

 

take care

[cingar]

thanks sandyv

i am actually feeling a bit better since i started writing on this post tonight i've been busy ready posts from other people and reading the advice and seeing how they coped with there break up has actually helped.

Friday nights are always the hardest because this is the night when he would come from St. John spend the night with me and then we would go to his moms place for the rest of the weekend. so I always looked forward to Friday nights now I dread them cause i am alone every Friday night and it sucks.