lifetime of getting walked on

[shorty20]

all of my life I've been the person that lets people walk all over her. the girl that dosen't say anythign and just turns her other cheak just to avoid confrontation. My fiance has brought this to my attention and has told me time and itme again I need to start sticking up for myself. So, I recently moved from my apartment. I had some tables that I bought not even 6 months ago (an end table and 2 smaller tables) that my roommate asked me to leave because I was selling them and she didn't know whether she wanted ot buy them from me or not. I said fine, as long as you bring them to my house if you don't want them (she has a truck, I don't) so she decided she didn't want them, and on her way to my house the glass slid off the big end table and shattered. She called me complaining that my glass scratched her truck bed, not to apologize that she broke it in the first place! I feel she should have offered to replace it. Should I confront her? If I dont' is it just feeding into my habit of letting people walk on me?

[kb109]

Ew, what a bish! This chick is obviously selfish if the only thing she's mad about is her truck bed getting a little scratched up. I would definitely ask her to replace it. She broke it!!!! Stand up for yourself. You don't have to do it in a really mean manner, but let it be known that you aren't going to let people walk all over you anymore. And to answer your second question...yes, if you don't say anything to her about it you are just feeding into your bad habit of letting people walk all over you. Just be like "Look, I'm sorry that your truck bed got scratched up, but the table was in your truck, so thereforeeee it is your responsibility and you are at fault for breaking it, not me. I would really appreciate it if you replaced it". Or maybe you two could even work out some kind of deal if she doesn't have a lot of money. Like maybe she could pay you a certain amount of money each month until it is covered.

[shorty20]

my problem is bring stuff like this up... she's in my wedding in less than 2 months and i'd hate to burn bridges now. She called and said "you're glass on your end table just feel off my truck and broke" then when I was all quiet she said "if it makes you feel any better it scratched my new truck bed up" when I said "no it dosen't really make me feel better" she said "well replaceing glass on a table is more expensive than repainting the bed of my truck"... like it's my fault?? I just don;t know how to approach people with stuff like this...

[kb109]

If she's in your wedding then I'm assuming she is a very good friend of yours and she should understand. You need to NICELY have a little talk with her. Tell her that it hurt your feelings that she only cared about her new truck, and it kinda seemed like it meant more to her than your feelings. She should definitely know that it is her fault that the table broke. And truck beds get scratched up all the time......thats the POINT of having a pickup truck.....to put stuff back there to haul around!! lol. Ask her to meet up for lunch one day or bring it up sometime when you are both calm and relaxed. If she gets really angry with you and doesn't even bother to apologize, I wouldn't even consider her a real friend. I know she is in your wedding and you would hate for there to be any tension since it is only a couple months away, but I'm sure she will be over it by then. Why ruin a friendship over a stupid table?! Everything will be fine!!

[kellbell]

Hey Shorty,

 

I would tell her that you are not responsible for the table scratching her truck, as you did not help her load the truck or made any arrangements for her to bring over the tables. If was HER carelessness and you need to bring that point to her. She did this on her own free will.

 

I would ask her to pay for the table top or to replace the glass. This is not your fault at all. I would also point out to her that you were nice enough to loan the tables to her at HER convience. So pose the question as to how is it YOUR fault the table scratched her truck?

 

I am puzzled as to why you keep doing favors for her after EVERY single time she has completely flaked on you. You should have learned your lesson by now. After this table folly, I would NOT do any favors for her anymore. Case closed.

[Juliana]

What's ironic, of course, is that people who tell you to stick up for yourself are pushing you around. They have the best possible intentions, of course -- from their perspective, you need to handle things more like they would -- but they are still trying to make you be something you're not.

 

Your boyfriend is actually kind of short-sighted. This person is in your wedding party. Until you get that over, any arguments about things like tables and her inconsiderate behaviour will be a much bigger pain, because of what's riding on the relationship; her happy, cooperative participation. You understand this, your boyfriend doesn't. Are you a pushover, or simply more mature?

 

Everyone has different ways of dealing with things, and those of us who are more self-effacing may oftentimes feel like we're losing out to those who are more demanding or even selfish. But life isn't about coffee tables or truck beds, it's about relationships. It seems to me that you are putting the emphasis on the relationship, but you are with people who put the emphasis on the coffee table. You could argue for your own benefit, but then you have to act on your anger, and all anger does is tie us to the people we are angry with more firmly. It's not your responsibility to change anyone else, or police their behaviour by getting angry at them. I would let both the coffee table and the relationship go -- after the wedding, of course.