So used & hurt but still in love

[1.6 16v]

well am sure you have all heard this before but yesterday i was told by my partner of 5yrs that he wanted me to leave him alone for good as he is starting a new life with another girl and he doesn't want the baggage!!!

ok so it started by we were together and then things got crazy in his life as he was working 7 days a week and 15 hours shifts so he lost the plot and turned to drugs, which i stood by him for 2 years while he lost everything and stole from me and you can imagine the rest. then after more than a year of this he got sent to prison for a very long time and i stood by him visiting every chance i could just to show him i cared, after more than a year i started to realise i needed my life back as he had controlled me for 2 long so i left him. then he was released a few months later and he was trying to get back with me but i wanted to be sure he was being true as i couldn't take the heartache all over again, so once i was sure he turned round and told me he was with someone else and i took too long to decided but then they lasted a month as the whole time he was with her he was seeing me as she lived in another city and i was only 5mins away from him, which I now was the wrong thing to do but I love him. then he made the chioce that he wanted to settledown with me and i was over the moon as i loved him with all my heart and all i wanted was to be back on track with our lives, we talked about moving in together and getting engaged at the beginning of next year. during the relationship there was consent fights as i didnt like the fact he had his ex calling all the time, he said it was her and he was trying to ignore her , so i called her to tell her and then i was told that he had been calling her telling her he wanted her back and missed her and that one nite when I found him at home, he said he had come back for a shower and then off to work it turned out he was going to see her, so i walked out and with in a few days he was already making plans to get back with her also to top it off we found out he has started doing drugs again but this time he didnt want to end up going down that same path so yesterday he want to see a drugs worker who told him to get rid of his baggage (me) or he would never be able to break free. so that's what's happened to me but the worst thing is I love him and I cant stop thinking about being with him and how could he leave me for a girl he has only known 5 months, I feel so used and hurt that I let him back in my life and know he has just walked out and left me with nothing as don't have many friends and they all have boyfriends so they are always busy when I call for support. am really losing a grip on my life I just cant understand why and am not sure where to go from here!!! god listen to me I must sound so pathetic but I cant help how I feel I wish I could have a switch off button that would just make me forget!!!

HELP!!!!

[amtjrtcet]

Welcome to ENA. I can assure you, you will have many friends here.

Oh honey, I am sorry you are going through this. Unconditional love-I am very familiar with it. No matter how horrible they may treat you or what they may put you through, by their side you stay.

You have been throught enough with this man. Its time to move on, start loving yourself.

When you took that step to leave him while he was in prison, did you feel better? Did it feel like a huge weight had been lifted off your shoulders?

Something made you do it. You need to find that again. You made it without him before and you can do it again.

 

Be strong honey. It will get easier, but you have to let go.

[1.6 16v]

I know that's the best thing to do but the main reason I left him was because I though I had someone new in my life but that was just another mess up!!! am trying so hard to move on but I hate being alone and when he invites me over I just cant seem to say no, I know that he is using me for what he wants because when I try to talk to him about the situation he is like oh not again just chill out, and that is starting to get me so mad. how can he behave this way is what I don't get telling her he loves her and wont see me but he's still is seeing me!!!! and that is annoying as when I asked him to tell her to go away he wouldn't and even she told me there was no chance of it and now she expects me to do it for her. maybe am just doing this all out of revenge as he knows I hate her and am mad at him for what he's done but the worst part of it is he knows I love him and he uses it. ARGH!!!