hurt by boyfriend's obession with singles chat lines (porn)

[pattty333]

My name is Patty and I'm 23 years old. A couple days ago, I found out that my boyfriend of over 2 years has been calling these dating services to listen to women's advertisements to get off. I looked at his phone bill (which is something I've never done) and noticed that there are calls for over 50 minutes to these services. I noticed that some of calls were placed at 3 in the morning. The billing dates back to 2005 and it appears that for 2 whole years I've been dating him, he's been doing this. Another addition to this story is that I discovered picture text messages between my boyfriend and one particular number. I asked him for the truth and he didn't immediately tell me the truth. I made up some random lie about porn pictures. And he finally admitted that he sent a couple of nude pictures of himself and also received nude photos of one of the girls he met on those chat rooms. What should I do now? He's everything I can ask for in a boyfriend and he treats me good. He told me that it nothing more than just getting off to these advertisements. I told him how hurt and bothered I was about this. He wants a second chance and promised me that he will not ever make these calls again. He told me that he doesn't think its healthy and that everytime he did it, he feels disguisted with himself. I love him still but don't know if I can ever trust him again. I'm hurting so much inside. Is this a form of cheating? Thank you for any responses/advices.

[rose2summer]

And he finally admitted that he sent a couple of nude pictures of himself and also received nude photos of one of the girls he met on those chat rooms.

Is this a form of cheating?

 

I would consider this cheating as he is exposing himself to other women.

 

Who can say that he won't take it a step further in the future and meet one of these woman to suffice his sexual fanasies?

 

If you really think you can truly forgive him and move on, then do so, but be aware that he may not change.

 

Hugs, Rose

[shoebaby1]

Hi, Welcome to enotalone

 

I wanted to let you know that I have also been through something like this and from what my significant other told me was it was just off of pure boredom. I don't know much about how people get off to the internet but I do think its a easy outlet. I am here to talk if you need to. I hope I helped a tiny bit. I am sure you will get more responses from people with more experience. Thanks

[Cadence308]

What your boyfriend is doing most would consider cheating. With internet availability cheating online seems to be a reoccurring theme with relationships I've noticed on this website. Even though your boyfriend says that he feels disgusted with himself for doing this and he won't make these calls again, I think he's saying that to make you feel better because he knows it's what you want to hear. It sounds like he may have porn addiction. Maybe someone else on this forum can give yuo advice on dealing with someone with a porn addiction, as this is beyond anything I know anything about...

[snowy_princess]

my bf loves his porn, I knew that going into the relationship, and I still know it. He doesn't hide it, and we joke about it often. I've looked at the history on his computer and almost daily I see porn sites (the same ones) and movie files that have been opened and watched.

 

it really doesn't bother me that he watches it and that it does somethign for him. I'm ok with that. I've made it clear that I have no problem with it but that if he tries to hide it i'm going to get suspicious

 

What does bug me however is the chatting with other women that he has dated previously or has met online. I don't even have a problem with him going into a chat room and flirting a bit, but the IMing and emails to other women drive me nuts. And when I'm on IM with him and he's not responding because he's talking to them, that just straight out angers me.

 

I guess my thought is that if he's not in contact with them in person it's not as big of a deal to me. Everyone deals with it differently tho. My SIL has a HUGE problem with porn even being in the house and has banned it. I don't understand that, but that's her choice.

 

Good luck, sorry I probably wasn't a lot of help

[Reluctant Rebuilder]

I think he's crossing a serious boundary by sending nudes of himself and getting some back in return. What is he missing in his life that he would want to do that? Looking at porn doesn't seem to be such a big deal, but sneaking around like that at 3 am and the photos thing is definitely something I would be concerned about.

[pattty333]

Thank you for the replies. I want to forgive him but can't bring myself to it. He calls me constantly saying that hes changed and that he'll spend as along as it takes to convince me of this. I'm really close to his family and knows all his friends. Over the course of our 2 year relationship, I"ve never done anything to shame him or cheated on him. I was so dedicated to him. I'm a girl that goes out clubbing and partying a lot (all in good fun though) and never did cheating ever cross my mind. I don't even dance with guys. I dont deserve this and especially knowing that he's done this throughout our relationship. To me, all the "i love you" and memories are not real. But deep down inside, I know hes a good guy. Now, like the others have said, its pretty much cheating. I just don't know if I can continue a relationship with him and trust him again. Thank you for listening.

[TiredMan]

If you care for him deep down, see if he means what he says. Maybe he talks in a way with them that he feels he can't with you, because he cares for you so much. I don't know him or you. I'm not justifying what he did just trying to think of reasons why other than the usual, he wants to cheat.

 

If you say he is a good guy, see where it goes.

[pattty333]

shoebaby1: are you still with your significiant other? and is he still doing it?