Need advice on a level ive never had to before

[moneypennyxx]

Hi all.

 

Im 27 and never had problems when first dating men, i was usually chilled and didnt even think that i liked them till 6 months in!!

 

ive been in Africa volunteering for a year in pretty horrible conditions, where all the men are black africans with HIV pretty much everyone i met had it. As you can image i wasnt even attracted to men there let alone have any possibilties. So i havent had to think about dating.

 

Ive been back 3 weeks and started dating again, met a guy off a web site and thougt that he was cool. We went on one date, and had a nice time, he text me after, I have been quite casual and cool, but cracking up inside.

 

I have been waiting for him to contact me to make a new date, but we were both too busy, he told me he`d be at a club this weekend and hed hope to see me, so me and a mate went, he ignored me, and then told me his ex was there and so he could talk to me, so then I told him just to get back with her and not contact me again. (ok, i was very drunk, alcohol is also something ive not had in almost a year)

 

I cant get him and the scenario out of my head, he was rude and being as we`d only been on one date im glad that im not getting myself into someting bad. I dont know why im tormenting myself over a guy i only had one date with!!! Im never this full on. When i was away i was so alone and isolated but convinced my self that once i was home, i would meet someone.

 

But i feel a mess, i dont know how to relate to people, i want to cry all day, but obiously im looking for work. Im thinking of exs that never bothered me before, and i jsut want to meet someone, so that i dont have to keep thinking anymore.

 

I doubt anyone can help me, but i am so tormented and would appreciate advice from anyone!

[annie24]

hi - first off, I think that is really awesome that you did volunteering in africa. it's very self-less and is very admirable.

 

that said, I am wondering if what you are going through is a bit of ... readjustment to western life. it can be difficult after spending a lot of time in a different environment. if you are normally calm, cool, and collected, and now you aren't, maybe that's because of the move.

 

I wouldn't get too stressed out. I'd just tell yourself it's part of the readjustment phase, and you'll be ok. in the meantime, keep looking online for other men.

 

good luck!

[annie24]

I have been waiting for him to contact me to make a new date, but we were both too busy, he told me he`d be at a club this weekend and hed hope to see me, so me and a mate went, he ignored me, and then told me his ex was there and so he could talk to me, so then I told him just to get back with her and not contact me again. (ok, i was very drunk, alcohol is also something ive not had in almost a year)

 

PS - he sounds like a cad. I would have said the exact same thing to him.

[moneypennyxx]

yeah,

 

im sure he was a pr%%ck, im just a bit off my game, and yes just adjusting. thanks, actaully that has really helped

 

xxx

[Momene]

I agree what Annie said. I've spent a lot of time abroad and at one time I was away a lot on long projects with work. When I got home I found that family and friends couldn't relate to me any more and I (perhaps arrogantly) found that people were so tied to their own little pigeon holes in life that I just found them to be narrow minded.

 

I'm surprised that you didn't find any African men attractive. Although my personal preference is the Latin type of woman (good thing I married one!), I see beauty in all races. For example, I met a lot of pretty girls in India this year.

[moneypennyxx]

It has nothing to do with, pigeon holeing, in fact i have been away and given all of myself to a role to help in the hope to do something and feel good about myself and my contributions in "making a change" but ive come back and everyone is happier then me, settled, have money, moved on, bought houses, and not feel the loneliness that i feel.

 

I feel that no-one has time for me cause ive been away and no longer a usual attendee of things and feel ive missed alot.

 

im just saying to expect to caome back from these thingsm feeling forfilled, but im empty, and feel ive come back to nothing, all sacrifice (which i accepted) but i just dont connect with anyone.

 

I wish i could have fell for someone out there, i just am not attracted to african males, very different culture, the way they talk, their build, they dont make cups of tea.

 

any suggestions on fitting back in. im not a mopy person normally

[Momene]

Maybe you shouldn't think about trying to fit back in but move somewhere else. Although i didn't plan it, it's what I ended up doing.

[Helen67]

I agree what Annie said. I've spent a lot of time abroad and at one time I was away a lot on long projects with work. When I got home I found that family and friends couldn't relate to me any more and I (perhaps arrogantly) found that people were so tied to their own little pigeon holes in life that I just found them to be narrow minded.

 

Agreed, I'm from England but have lived in Germany for 14 years. I can tell you that probably the 1st 5 years of ever visiting England was really awful!

It's very hard to relate to friends, and sometimes family once you have lived away. I was also slightly arrogant in the end, as these people never seemed to want anything more than job/house/car/family. That's all fine and dandy, but they were just not interested, in hearing anything about my German home!

 

It doesn't effect me now, as I can guarantee you, every person I have met, have dealt with the same experience.

 

Even if you feel you haven't accomplished anything, cos you don't have the boyfriend/fiancee/husband/family/car/house/job.....This is pure bs, you have accomplished more than many. Others would never have had the guts to do what you did!!!

 

Do not put yourself down, and stop searching for men, to try and fill a small void you are feeling at the moment.

 

And...If in a few months you are still not settled! Take off again, go to Europe with your backpack, work in a bar, go grape picking see the sights, meet new, and probably far more interesting people, than your small group of pigeon holers, you are presently with!

 

Chin up gal, you're just abit lost, but you'll find your way...x