my first BJ...(and some other problems/questions too)

[Slain67]

Hi, everyone. This thread contains a lot of little questions that I would like all answered if you are knowledgable or experienced with the answer, otherwise please don't ignore them, no matter how unsignifcant or small the questions are. So, here's the situation:

 

 

Last Friday night, my gf came to see me for the first time in person (we've been in a LDR for about 2 months now) and she gave me my first head. It was very strange to me. My penis was really hard and numb, so I couldn't really feel very much. It felt like a light massage and some tingling feelings. Is that normal? average? rare? something wrong with me? She was giving me head for a little while (maybe 5 min?) and then she was asking me to help her to cum, so * * *? could she have just been tired? or didn't feel like it? I have a hunch that she was only giving me it cause she wanted me to feel what it was like and not cause she wanted to, which makes me a little guilty and a lower self-esteem. After a while, I managed to cum after doing most of the work myself, which made me feel like I was inadequate(but isn't it a good thing that I don't cum easily...I mean thats what women want, isn't it? or just for sex, not bj/hjs)

 

anyway, we fooled around a little bit the next night, but I never got a bj. She grinded me with our pants on, but that was it. maybe she wasn't ready? maybe she thinks we're taking things too fast? but if any of those last two questions are answered by a yes, why go backwards. I mean, once a gf gives oral, doesn't it mean we've moved on to a new level? By the way, she said something like "I didn't come here just to fool around"...it's not like that's all I wanted to do. I spent most of the day just staying busy and having fun with her. so, when we were alone in our bedroom, I was expecting for us to fool around at least...

 

oh and some last silly questions: I'm curious about if when a bj is being given, does a little bit of cum come out before orgasm or none until? Do some girls give BJs without sucking (like just moving her lips up and down on the penis)? I though women liked holding hands and staring into each others eyes, but when I did those, my gf thought I was too clingy and when I stared deep into her eyes, she was like " * * *? what are you doing?"

 

This whole weekend was suppose to be great, but turned out to have many problems. Maybe I was moving things to fast or expected too much too soon or maybe she got to know me in-person and doesn't like me anymore...I would look at her and I could never tell what she was thinking. Sometimes she would smile and sometimes she wouldn't. I'm so confused about this. I really don't get women...

[Captain34]

you both seem to be young and fairly inexperienced in teh sexual arts. first thing i would say is to recognize that fact and look at things as a learning experience. don't try so hard as far as staring into her eyes, etc. just be relaxed and make her feel comfortable. i've been in your spot, once to reach one step you want to race onto the next - but id advise against that. take things slow. when she says she didnt come over just to fool around, i believe she just doesnt want to feel like a piece of meat.

 

next time you chill out with her dont hookup unless she initiates it. and dont feel inadequate - if anything she may be feeling the same. just relax and enjoy the ride...

[constantine]

Well, I can't tell you what a BJ feels like since I don't really have a penis of my own, but I'm sure it's a bit different from person to person and everyone has their own preferences. Maybe it was nerves that made you numb or just not as into it.

 

Maybe she stopped because she was tired (it can be a strain on the jaw), maybe she was bored because giving a BJ isn't particularly physically exciting unless you happen to be really into it. I wouldn't be worried about it. Don't feel bad, don't let it lower your self-esteem. It's not really your fault. Maybe she's just not comfortable yet and had to force herselt to do it.

 

And if even if you have moved on to a "new level", that doesn't mean she's going to be comfortable with it. Maybe it was too fast, too soon, and she regrets it. Don't rush anything, go at a comfortable pace.

 

Pre-cum is normal during a blowjob. I think every girl gives blowjobs differently. I suck. My boyfriend likes it though. If she does something you like, tell her. If not, then either tell her you don't or just don't say anything at all.

 

Maybe holding hands and staring into her eyes seemed to cheesy or cliche-ish to her. Maybe she felt awkward.

 

So yeah... those are my conclusions.

[Reluctant Rebuilder]

It felt like a light massage and some tingling feelings. Is that normal? average? rare? something wrong with me?

 

Nothing wrong with you man! Different guys respond differently to this. Myself I like it but I'm never able to reach a happy ending with just that alone. But that's what makes sex so fun is that it's different with different people. You shouldn't feel inadequate because you finished yourself off, lots of guys are like this and it doesn't mean anything about your ability or hers.

 

could she have just been tired? or didn't feel like it?

 

I think their jaws get tired from doing that too long, and maybe the guy or guys she's been with before you have been able to bust one off faster than you. Again, that doesn't mean anything or say anything about how good you are or how good she is. Also it sounds like you had a lot of things running through your mind at the time and not "in the moment" so that might have made it take longer than it would have if you would have been able to relax and just enjoy what she was doing for you.

 

which made me feel like I was inadequate(but isn't it a good thing that I don't cum easily...I mean thats what women want, isn't it? or just for sex, not bj/hjs)

 

Who can say what women in general want, it's what this one wants is what you should be thinking about. Ask her. Just as aside, and this is just my opinion, but it's not that great to be on the giving end for a really long time during sex, unless the other person is really in to it. If you were just sitting there looking at her she might be wondering if you were enjoying yourself.

 

…moving backwards. I mean, once a gf gives oral, doesn't it mean we've moved on to a new level?

 

Uhhhh that is a bit simplistic. If she wasn't in the mood then she wasn't in the mood. She doesn't owe you anything or have to do anything she wasn't interested in just because she did "more" before. Think about it, if she had only kissed you and set that "as the level" would that mean she had to kiss you all the time, or would it be ok for her to just hold your hand once in a while if that's what she felt comfortable doing at that point in time.

 

oh and some last silly questions: I'm curious about if when a bj is being given, does a little bit of cum come out before orgasm or none until?

 

Depends on the guy. Some guys let a little bit out the whole time. Some guys not at all till the end. Don't they teach this stuff in school anymore? Just asking since it's been a long time since I was in school and they taught us that. You will use condoms, right?

 

Do some girls give BJs without sucking (like just moving her lips up and down on the penis)?

 

Yes, and it feels pretty good.

 

I though women liked holding hands and staring into each others eyes, but when I did those, my gf thought I was too clingy and when I stared deep into her eyes, she was like "***? what are you doing?"

 

Hahahaha this made me laugh. Girls don't come with a manual, and something that one likes isn't going to apply to *all* women. That would probably work if the moment called for it, and what I mean is if you two were talking about how great it was to finally be together and you were feeling this great connection together, then looking in her eyes might get the effect you want, but if you were just watching TV and she looks over and you're ogling her that would be kinda weird. You can't just go through the motions and expect to get the results you see in movies or TV. It's what happens before and during the eye gazing and hand holding that makes this something good.

 

I would look at her and I could never tell what she was thinking. Sometimes she would smile and sometimes she wouldn't. I'm so confused about this. I really don't get women...

 

Don't read too much in to what she does, or try to figure out what she's thinking. It takes a long time of in person interaction to get to know some one so well that you can figure out what's going on by their body language. This was the first time she met you in person right, so of course it's going to be awkward at times. She's probably wondering how to act and what to do around you too. Next time just relax and act naturally. If you're not all wound up wondering what to do next you can just enjoy yourself and your time with her.

[Slain67]

Thank you all for taking some of your time to help me! I think many of my questions have been answered. I'm gonna try to call her and talk to her about some this stuff. Thanks again.

[snowy_princess]

Ok, just a couple of things...

 

First of all, I too don't have a penis, so I can't comment on how it feels, but every woman does do it differently and some things work for some guys but not for others. I know in terms of my bf, he told me early on in our relationship that he had never cum from a bj, and that it really wasn't somethign he was really into, but that didn't mean that he was going to say no. I really wanted to do it (I had never given one) and well it turned out pretty well i'd say. Most times if I don't stop, he will cum from it fairly easily. He claims that I must do it differently than the other women he's been with, because that has never happened. Tell her if you want her to try something. Try saying "wow, that feels great, I really want you to suck on it too". I can't imagine she won't try it.

 

Secondly: Just because she gave you a bj one day doesn't mean she's obligated to do it again, nor does it mean that you have to go to the next level. Perhaps she was tired, or not feeling like it, or maybe she thought that you guys had moved a bit too fast. Or, maybe she figured that making you wait would be a bit of a turn on. Hard to say. YOu could ask her. Just try asking if she was ok with everything that happened, and initiate a convo about what she thinks might happen the next time you guys get together. Or straight out ask her if the next time you are together you could ______ (fill in the blank). You won't know what is going on in her mind unless you ask her. Oh and I concure on the comment made about sore jaw... it's hell on the jaw giving head. Seriously, it can hurt sometimes, particuarly if you are fairly large. Personally, I have jaw locking issues, so I usually alter between sucking and relaxing my mouth and licking him like an ice cream cone. But seriously ,ask her what she's thinking.

 

You need to relax and just take things as they come. Honestly, you probably had so many expectations of the weekend that you ruined it for yourself. Just let things go as they might and enjoy every bit of it as you get it.

[Cadence308]

Since it was your first time meeting your gf face to face and you already moved onto a whole new level it might have been too much, too soon for her. She wanted to please you with the bj part, but doing sexual things for the first time can be awkward for both parties. Going down on someone can be tiresome and she was probably getting tired...it takes practice.

 

Maybe the 2nd night she just wanted to be close to you and to see if you still liked her without being overly physical. It really sounds like she wants to take things slowly and you should respect that if you like her as much as you seem like you do.

 

Pre-cum is normal.

 

If someone was sucking during oral and they stop it's probably because they got tired.

[Slain67]

Edited: made a new topic since this is a little off topic (moved to )