Should I worry or not?

[krnswte143]

Hello All,

 

I hope everyone had a good weekend. Anways, I'm having this minor problem with my boyfriend.

 

There was this girl before me. We'll call her "A". It was a crush he had but never made into girlfriend/boyfriend stage. Last year, I think about October or November? I found a picture of a girl on a frame on his shelves. I didn't say anything for few weeks. So after few weeks, I mentioned to him and he put the picture away. He said it was a crush he had and never made into gf/bf stage and they only dated for a month and that she found some other guy. ( they both went to the same college). Anyways, I took his word and I didnt worry. I think this year around March or April ? I found pictures of her on his cell phone ( pics were taken 2 or 3 years ago). I didnt talk to him about this or never mentioned it. Anways around the same month or so i was using his computer and i was looking at our old chat conversations and i came accross conversations betweem them two.. Convos were back 1 or 2 yrs ago. and they stopped talking for awhile i guess and then on january of this yaer they talked again. He ask her out for a lunch. Anyways, i didnt check the chatlog ever since that month. I didn't like the idea of course but i didnt say anything to my boyfriend . I was having other problems that i didnt really care about it.

 

Anways, i think they still talk to each other? I have her SN on my AIM. She signed on few nights ago. I guess i'm being paranoid or jealous or something. Should I worry about this? My bf and i been toghether for an year and 4 month now. We did have our ups n downs in our relationship. Im worried that hes going to leave me for her or someone.

 

I mean when we were dating ( this was like our 3 or 4 month of dating) he was stil talking to her as if he still liked her? I dont know you guys. Do you think I should worry about this or not?

 

Or Should I just let this go and forget about it until something werid happens?

 

Janella

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

Oh dear.

 

If he's been talking to her for a while like he still "likes" her whilst you have been together - AND he actually INVITED HER OUT TO LUNCH - I'd say he likes you, but you can bet that if he felt there was a chance to have her back, he'd go right for her.

 

He still has photos...another bad sign.

 

He's not over her. Not to say he doesn't like you, but I don't get the feeling you're his first choice. You deserve to be. But you arn't.

[Momene]

Strange how people are always referred to as "A" or "B", never "Y" or "Z". He may well carry a torch for her and yes, I've dated a girl while secretly wishing I was with another one, so I can't tell you that there's nothing to worry about in that way. After dating 3/4 months (in fact your post seems to suggest that it's longer), I'd say you have the right to assume you're exclusive and any pursuing of others is infidelity. I think you have the right to assert the boundaries of friendship with other girls, especially as he had a "past" with her but if he won't agree to your boundaries, you'll need to be prepared to let him go.

 

Good luck.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

Well, there are then 2 questions-

 

1) Has he actually physically cheated, or does he just still want her?

2) Can you put up with that if he *does* still want her?

 

I have no idea how you can find 1) out, apart from a..gulp...frank open discussion with him.

[Lady Bugg]

I agree with ALS......unless you wish to resort to games. It is hard to say what the true situation is.What I am wondering is if the girl in question knows he is in a relationship with you. If he has acknowledged he is dating you to her..then I wouldn't be so concerned. However if he is hiding you, I'd wonder.

Now if you want to be sneaky and find out...you could always pose as HER or him online and initiate a conversation. I know this is "game playing"....so of course this would be a LAST resort. I would suggest simply talking to him first.

 

Good Luck

[Lady Bugg]

I can't say..as I don;t know him. You spend a lot of time with him. What's your gut feeling? From all the info you have given..it sounds as if he is no longer interested in her. Remember: We all have a past.....and she was a part of his past. He may have liked her a lot at one time...but now he is with you. Don;t make unnecessary waves where there is no just cause. Trust that he is with you because that's where he wants to be.