Wear wedding ring is it wrong?

[sabena]

Hello!

 

Well for those of you who know me, last year I got married and within about 8 months I left my husband and am now divorced from him. I still him as a friend every 2 weeks and get on with him fine. The question I want to ask is if it is appropriate to wear either the wedding ring or engagement ring after I am divorced? I don't intend to wear it on my marriage finger but I am one of those people that believes that things happen for a reason and I never regret the things that I have done, and I want to wear them because a) they have sentimental value and b) they are very pretty rings!

 

Any thoughts from those out there who have been married?

[sabena]

Oh I should have said that both rings don't look like the normal wedding/engagement rings that people wear, they look totally different and people used to be shocked that I was married!

[Annoyed And Bitter]

Wear your rigs sweetheart. They are a part of your life that you want to remember. I am sure that if you explain to your new man what kind of attatchment you have to the rings he will understand.

 

I applaud your "progressive" attitude...

[charmed]

Hi Sabena,

 

Firstly, you should think of yourself. Are you 100% sure that your attachment to the rings is nothing more than your attachment to what was, and not what is or could be. If you are clear past that then that is great.

 

Your boyfriend may interpret this as something that it is not - that is unless you tell him exactly what it is. If you care for him, of course you will want to ensure his comfort with the situation - and then there should be no problems with this !

 

Good luck

 

~Charmed~

[charmed]

If he sees it as a probem, then Sabena is in a position where she has to consder whether to a)get rid of rings, or b)keep rings. The decision should be based on whether she believes that he has any good reason to be threatened by the rings - if he does, then does Sabena care to make the change to make him happy. Not wearing the rings wouldn't be ignoring the past at all, nor living in it.

 

I believe that we all live in the past, and we have to learn lessons from it or we will go around in circles. I myself had a girlfriend wear rings from a past relationship(not a marraige), and I was fine with it once she told me that it was just jewelry. If I had not believed her, I suspect I may have felt different.

 

The issue is the symbolism of the rings - and how the new boyfriend sees them. The two extreems are that either he will want to get them polished up for you so they look their best cause he really believes you should embrace your life, or he will suggest that you get them melted down and made into a bullet to shoot the ex with !!! I don't know where Sabenas new guy is on the scale, but Sabena, if she really cares for him, would have to consider his feelings in this situation - and she obviously is already doing so by even posting here in the first place !!!

[Annoyed And Bitter]

There is a compromise for every situation. If he has an issue with her wearing the rings, perhaps it could be agreed that she wear them on a necklace or only on certain occasions.

 

In the long run, this past is a part of who she is, and he needs to accept that.

[street]

well my ex still wears her eternity ring on her engagement finger and we have been split up 3 months, at first i read something into it but now i just relise she likes the ring. but perhaps she should wear it on the other hand.

 

if ur new man doesn't mind then why should u...but what happens if he buys u a ring??

[charmed]

He needs, or he has to ?

 

I know where you are coming from , but he may be the sort of person that has problems dealing with something like this ! I'm not saying he is, I don't know the guy, but it is possible that he may be uncomfortable with them full stop.

 

I don't believe that anyone should have to put up with something they are not comfortable with in a relationship to keep the peace. Thats the start of a rocky road downhill. If he is really possissive and has issues with it, Sabena would be in the position that she either got rid of the rings, or got rid of the guy !! Of course, all of this is only valid if Sabena is clinging onto something through the rings - if they are simply rings, then there should be no issues whatsoever.

 

 

I really hope that Sabena is mature enough, and so is her boyfriend, to continue wearing the rings and everything runs smoothly, but no one should ever do something they are not happy and comfortable doing in a relationship - especially if it is going to be an ongoing compromise like this would !

 

~C~

[Annoyed And Bitter]

Charmed-

 

I was not saying he needed to put up with the rings if he is uncomfortable. I was saying that her past is a part of who she is and he needs to deal with THAT. I was simply saying that he cannot delete that part of her past.

 

As far as the rings go, THEY'RE RINGS FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!! WHO REALLY GIVES A CRAP IF SHE LIKES TO WEAR THEM? She has all ready said she wears them on her RIGHT hand and that she only wears them because she likes them...

[charmed]

I agree that he cannot delete the past, but if it upsets him much, then he shouldn't have to deal with her past on a daily basis !!

 

There are plenty of insecure and as a result overpossessive people in the world - and without personal development, they will be upset by symbols like this. I genuinely believe that it is one of the reasons that the catholic church and other religions preach monogomy and no swx before marraige ! These problems don't exist in that situation !!

 

~Charmed~

[Annoyed And Bitter]

Charmed-

 

How did this turn into a debate between us? lol

 

I agree that he should not have to deal with something that makes him uncomfortable. But the sad facts are that if the RINGS make him uncomfortable then the past must too... I think if he is genuinely secure in their relationship the rings will not be an issue.

 

I will concede that wearing them on ANY hand may be a bit too close to home. Especially on a daily basis. Hence my suggestion for a compromise. I really think this can be worked out so both of these people are happy.

[sabena]

OMG! I didn't expect this response but perhaps I should have added on my initial posting that I would wear the rings on other fingers and I would not tell my present bf what they wear. I mean my ex husband bought me a car and a lot of my clothes but when people ask me about them I don't say "oh yes its lovely my ex bought me it" I just say thanks....

 

The rings are just jewelry but also represent about 3 years of my life and I don't think I should have to explain the presense of suddenly wearing rings to my bf.

[Annoyed And Bitter]

Do what you need to do, sweetie. It is your life, and your choice. I would reccomend that if he asks you about them that you do not lie, though!

[Ingrid]

There are two initial reasons for wearing a ring when you are married:

 

1. To show the whole community that you are in a committed relationship, that you are not available : to protect the social fabric.

 

2. Initially, men had the right to repudiate (reject) their wife whenever they wanted. Women could then use the money from the ring to live for a while, before getting a new husband. Engagement rings were a means to "make a reservation", to ensure a woman would wait for you to marry her instead of looking for someone. If the man broke the engagement, women were allowed to keep the ring as a compensation for the time lost.

 

For reason No. 1, it is not correct not to wear a ring when you are married. Not wearing a ring may create wrong expectatives in others.

 

But wearing a ring when you are not married is allowed, since you are not hurting anybody.b