well I think I blew it

[UnderBear]

Sorry about the misunderstanding Jupiter. I was referring to the the time she called you about two weeks after you sent the letter (3-4 weeks since your last conversation?)

I just remember thinking that was a good thing that she made some contact after that time.

 

Anyways, it is inspirational (if you can call it that) to hear all your guys stories and I really feel with you. Hope some of you wouldn't mind having a look at my story, I just posted a new thread on it:

 

UnderBear

[Jupiter]

One more thing , that could or coulnt be of Importance but im not sure .

While we had our little chat , I told her" dont be a stranger, you can talk to me ."

She said " oh yeah , ? What would you think if i showed up at band practice sometime, not that im going to or anything."

, I didnt know what to say

So I said , " i dunno , I mean the last time we saw each other it was under kinda bad circumstances, "

She said , " well that would be as comfortable place as any for me "

I really dont know what she meant by that. Was that her way of putting

Herself in a place that we could talk a little and see each other ?

I dont know what I should have said , Im almost afraid she was tryin a little and i blew it off, ..

I dont know

[UnderBear]

She might be trying to make some more casual contact this way.

But don't worry that you blew her off, you did tell her not to be a stranger, didn't you?

Just be open and positive if she suggests something. remember, you are just fine with it all either way

[Jupiter]

Just to give you an update, I called her again , and left her a message , that i wanted to ask her something when she had a min.

she called back , and i asked her to go out with me after her Exams were over, to celebrate .... To my surprise, she said "yeah that could be fun , but I think Id rather just come over and hang out at your house and have a beer or something , Instead of it being all official , especially the first time " hmmmmm,

: so ... I said ok , well are you just gonna let me know ? , I wanted to take you to the Indian resturaunt this weekend , but i can adjust to anything, ,"

She said" well that was thoughtfull of you ". we laughed a bit , and ended the conversation ,

: well..... what do you think?

[UnderBear]

Hmm, sounds uplifting, that's my first thought

 

But remember now, don't get any false hopes, just chill.

Don't set yourself up for disappoinment this early on.

[Jupiter]

To my surprise, she said "yeah that could be fun , but I think

Id rather just come over and hang out at your house and have a beer or something , Instead of it being all official , especially the first time " hmmmmm,

 

I just talked to a friend who said , "maybe she didnt want it to be like a date"

" maybe she just wants to hang out like frineds "

What do you guys think ?

What do I do ? I feel like i can hook her if I play my cards right , problem is

Its almost like I forgot how to play,

any advice would help me ,

do I just wait and see what she does ?

[solarplexus]

Jupiter seems to me like can be a start now. Do not be pushy in anyway. I would also suggest to talk about reconciliation in case you see an appropriate time shows up but do not be too pushy, but no reason to be dishonest either as she is already aware of your feelings. Try to make it a fun night. Make it as classy as possible also.

Good luck friend.

[UnderBear]

Hi Jupiter!

 

I think I would try to make it a fun night like solar says, and then just feel her out a bit. You might then catch better on to how she feels about it and move on from there. If you feel she is ready you can ask her in a non-pushy way (if that exists) how she feels about the two of you. If you don't sense anything like that, then maybe you should just make it a great night, and maybe try to get her out on the "date" you had initially planned at an oportunity sometime later.

 

Hoping for ya

[sandyv]

Hi Under, I MOST DEFINITELY have blown it here, in a BIG way..... shot myself in the foot YET again......

[Jupiter]

Sigh ...

No calls , nothing,

Hard day , a friend came by and i told him

I went hiking, he asked if it was with her ,

stirred me up again ,

I just cant let her go ,

[andy5128]

Hi Jupiter

So no calls yet, so when were you expecting a call??

I am kinda in a similar situation where more like going out as friends at the mo well I say at the mo but only went out for the first time this week! It's hard to know how to approach things. So how long has it been like this as I notice the beginning of this thread was in october last year wasnt it?

[Jupiter]

Well, I was hoping to get a call, she said she had exams and stuff until after the 11th , so .....

but im kinda doubting she will call ,

Shes having fun hanging out with Party A** Holes,

Shes really not being herself at all, It like she is

Avoiding talking to me , or saying anything for certain,

[Puckdog27]

Well, I was hoping to get a call, she said she had exams and stuff until after the 11th , so .....

but im kinda doubting she will call ,

Shes having fun hanging out with Party A** Holes,

Shes really not being herself at all, It like she is

Avoiding talking to me , or saying anything for certain,

 

People change, especially after relationships. I dont even know who my ex is anymore. She has morphed into the idiot friends that she works with that played apart in our marriage ending. She refuses to have contact with me to save face in their eyes because she got caught lying to them about us when I talked with her friend.

 

What I am saying is, the person you loved is gone for now, but the one thing is the party A-holes rarely hang around for long. Kinda like a swarm of locust. Destroy and move on.

[Jupiter]

She so much better than the way she is acting,

I want to tell her so, but I know it will come off as an insult,

but someone should tell her .

 

"Everything I say is wrong , everything I do , It just comes undone."

note to self * Dont listen to Coldplay when I feel this way*

[UnderBear]

Sorry to hear that bro.

 

I hate to be the one to suggest this now, but maybe you should just let her be. She just seems to be messing you up over and over again. I'm not saying she's doing that intentionally, but most of all you are doing it to yourself.

 

Wouldn't you rather be without the pain of missing her so much, when she doesn't seem to want to come back at this point? You can make this pain start shrinking. Just NC, and let her find out whatever it is she wants. Partying also gets tiresome after a while. And after a while, if you can focus on yourself, you'll be in a much better position, no matter what she ends up finding out.

[Jupiter]

Well, I called her dads house again to return his call ,

I wanted to congrats him on his new marriage.

I picked a time when i was sure she would be at school ,

but guess what ?

She answered , I said hi, then asked if her Dad was home,

She said yeah , wanna talk to him , I said yeah , how are you?

She said busy busy , studying for her last couple Exams,

I told her Id been thinking about her , and I wanted her to

know that I realize that its been one of the hardest things shes

ever had to do ,

and that I really wished her good luck .

She said, thanks,

I asked her if she still wanted to hang out , ... she said "yeah I was going to call be ive been so busy, not much sleep this week .

I siad , "yeah i can imagine , "

I asked her "what she wanted to do ? beacuae I wanted to do something for her to help her relax."

She said , honestly , I would be most comfortable and relaxed , just coming over to your house for a couple hours to just hang out, have a beer and talk."

I said ok cool , ... well , I miss you ,

She said , (little pause) I miss you too, " It will be good to chat and catch up"

I said ," yeah , yeah it will , Im looking forward to it ,.""

Then I asked to speak to her Dad,

The talk went really well with him , we always got along good,

I lightly touched on the subject of my ex, and told him we had talked a little

and that I was calling to congrats him on the wedding ,

He sorta gave me the feeling like i shouldnt give up quite yet.

So I told him that Im just wanting to re establish communication with her,

cous I really honestly care deeply for her,

He really did make me feel like he was on my side so to speak , but not to

gang up on his daughter of corse, I really enjoyed talking to him .

Anyways........... so , she is going to call me no later than monday ..

Im starting to freak out just a little ,

Any of you have any pointers? I want this to go well,

She hasnt seen me in 5 months,........ Im im way better shape , much more clear headed.

But , how should I act ? I read the "plan" . so this would be the

big meeting after the NC 4 months worth.

[andy5128]

Hi Ya

Keep it light and upbeat and just be yourself and have fun mate. Biggest thing to do is after the time together dont do what I did and contact again quite soon and push again as they will pull and you are back to square one. So have a good time, then leave it at least a few weeks by then if she has not contacted you maybe contact her again but only after some weeks and ask to catch up again. Important leave that space after being with her unless of course she asks to see you...

[Jupiter]

ok , I forgot to post this part ,

In one of our previous conversations I asked her if she was going to

a music festival we went to last year. She said no ., are you ?

I said i dont know maybe , Ive had an invite but im not sure if Im going.

She asked , " who are you going with ?" and named off a couple of my firends,

I said no , why do you want to go ?? (jokingly)

She said No (kinda giggling)

Then she said Oh , must be a girl that invited you huh ?

"Listen , if there is a good girl , dont turn her down becuase you are waiting on me ...."

I said , Well. I wouldnt, I just asked if you wanted to go , because Id rather be going with you.

I quicky changed the subject,

Fact is , I am going with a girl, but there is no way she would have known that , I just thought it was strange she kinda brought that up out of nowhere.

So. she knows i still love her, she told me not to "wait on her"

she has said that she just didnt think that we were good for each other.

But...... I told her straigh out that i didnt feel comfortable meeting with her at my house and chilling unless it was fiar , open minds and open hearts .

All this has been said , but... she still wants to come hang out with me and talk , she said ,

I dunno , just aditional infor i felt like posting , because its on my mind ,

and our meeting , is next week ,

Im just hoping I have a chance , it has been a while , and I really have changed for the better, lost some weight , changed some interests and habbits, .

I really thank all you you for your thoughts and opinions , please post them for me , I need them ,.

[Jupiter]

I just found out today from a friend that she has been seeing and sleeping with one of those Dumb Party A** Holes.

And she just found out that he cheated on her ,

They had been dating for like 3 months or so .,

Argh , I dont know what to think ,...

Shes suposed to call me next week about meeting up .

Now i dont know what to do ,

Its going to be hard to look at her now without spilling my guts,

Help

[Jupiter]

Help, Im fighting the urge to write her a letter and cancel our meeting,

I dunno what I should do , PLEASE

any thoughts?

[Jupiter]

Well, she called last night to set up a day this week to meet up.

Im still freaked out, by the info I just heard,

What should I do ? I do want to see her,

Should I ask her if she is dating anyone?

Should I even have the meeting with her?

[Jupiter]

well shes coming over tomarow mid day to talk , and "Hang out"

any tips?

Should i ask her if she is seeing anyone ? or is that too personal ?

Should I try to make another date if it goes well ?

[MackinMack]

Lots of people will say cancel it but by the looks from it I know you are not going to so learn from my mistake. Keep it cool. Don't cry, beg ect. Man up!

 

Let her come on to you if anything or spit anything out personal.

 

You are going to have some crazy butterflies in your stomach while being in the same picture with her knowing it's over. Ignore it!

 

I am in a similar boat, I am not to sure if my GF just wants independency or is just going through college/uni party mode.

 

But I give you props to having to go NC for this long while inexperience me did the exact opposite. I hope things turn out good, if they do I can probably learn from your situation and maybe go through a NC phase but at the moment things seem to be starting fresh.

 

I'm sorry to hear about her being with this other guy, I wish sooner or later you will meet someone that is more beautiful both in and out than the one that has no dignity for the way you feel knowing she called it off.

 

Goodluck

[Jupiter]

Believe me , I thought about canceling,

but i know, then all I will do is wonder.

Oh I begged , I cried, before i went NC for 4 months.

She kinda has me at a disadvantage , she knows i still love her

and want to be with her,

She knows all this and is still coming over.

Honestly I thought she would cancel.

So I really dont know what her motive is

[Puckdog27]

OK just wanted to jump in for a second because I see a couple of red flags,

 

1. You are not sure if you are ready to see her. Its probably better then if you wait.

2. She gets dumped/cheated on by loser and shows up at your door.

3. She thinks/knows your waiting on her.

 

OK Jup - heres my 2 cents. You may have what us hockey players call a power play right in front of your eyes. What do I mean? A chance to turn the tables and find out what she really wants. Take back your power. A chance to be pushed, instead of you doing the pushing. I would in fact break off the meeting. Dont sound bitter, and dont sound sad. "Hey, something came up...can we do this another time?" Show her that seeing her is not your first priority. Tell her you will get back to her on when...THEN DONT. At least not for a few days. Be Aloof.

 

Im worried that she may be just lookin to have someone to hang out with until the next loser comes along. If she truly wants to see you, she will call and ask again. Play like you want to but dont be in a rush.

 

Sounds like a game? Unfortunately, it is, but thats how these things work.