well I think I blew it

[dreamguy]

DG, just a quick note to say that I'm finding the way you're handling your situation to be very inspiritaional. I hope it all works out well for you.

 

Did you write that message after you found out that I contacted my ex or before ?

Anyway thanks for the kind words. I can only hope I am doing the right thing.

I hope that we are all doing the right thing ! And my heart goes out to all the people on this forum who are suffering because when you feel the same pain you easily empathize.

[Jupiter]

I just spoke to a friend who talked to My ex a little bit about me

She said she is not seeing anyone , and not trying to, she is insanely

busy with school . And seemed like she didnt want to talk about it.

Thats the way all our mutual friends have said she seemed like she

didnt want to talk about us, Actually thats the way she was with

me too when i tried to talk to her about it. We couldnt reconcile

because she didnt want to talk about our relationship, she just wanted

to hang out and have fun with me.

I wish i knew what to do

I want to call her ,

We were doing so well for those few weeks , I thought we were getting

back together , my friend said " you probably would have , but you

pressured her and made her run".

Wow is there any way i can get this back on track with her?

[papalazarou]

she just wanted

to hang out and have fun with me.

 

There is your answer. She doesnt want a relationship at the moment.

 

We were doing so well for those few weeks , I thought we were getting

back together , my friend said " you probably would have , but you

pressured her and made her run".

 

No doubt you started talking about getting back together or how much you miss her etc.

 

She doesnt want to hear any of that right now.

 

Wow is there any way i can get this back on track with her?

 

Wait for her to contact YOU. Then maybe arrange to do something fun. No talk of relationships etc etc.

 

But there will come a time when you have to realise that this may be playing with your emotions and its better to cut all ties...

[Jupiter]

Oh geeze , I hope i did the right thing,

2 weeks of no contact

I guess i needed some closure, and it was eating me up inside how

it ended. So , I wrote a letter telling her I want her to know that i

respect her decision and feelings. I have been doing alot of soul searching

and I know that my love for her is real , so real, that i want her to

have what she wants and feels she needs for herself . I only hope

she will forgive me for picking her brain and pressuring her to get back

together with me. It was selfish of me to think that me wanting to be her

boyfriend outwieghted her needing time.

I did include in the letter somewhere that i missed and loved her.

 

I kept it short and to the point ,

I feel bettter that ive said those things to her

I dont really expect any response from her.

I hope i didnt mess anything up worse fo myself either

What do you guys think?

[papalazarou]

Ok you did it. You broke NC but you had to get it off your chest. You said that you dont expect a response. Thats probably the best you can hope for. Although I now know you are dying to ring and say "did you get my letter" and she will say "yes" and then you will say well what did you think? - pressure, pressure, pressure....

 

Now you can move on. NC NC NC NC NC NC. Until she contacts YOU at least.

[dreamguy]

Ok you did it. You broke NC but you had to get it off your chest. You said that you dont expect a response. Thats probably the best you can hope for. Although I now know you are dying to ring and say "did you get my letter" and she will say "yes" and then you will say well what did you think? - pressure, pressure, pressure....

 

Now you can move on. NC NC NC NC NC NC. Until she contacts YOU at least.

 

Exactly how I used to feel when I sent my ex a letter or a text message and she didn't reply !

That pressure can make a rock crack !

[papalazarou]

Exactly dreamguy. I always used to say to myself...Dont put yourself in that position. Easier said than done I know. But we have all been there.

 

Thats why this place is so great. Say on here I nearly sent it or just vent your frustration or anger...

[Jupiter]

Yeah this is hard ,

I did want a response but didnt really expect one,

I dont know what "no response" means.

She said she wanted to be friends, but she treats me

colder that most of my enemies.

So just wait huh ?

I wonder if / when she will call ?

Do you guys think i messed up?

Pressure , lol pressure for who ? I feel pressure also.

Geeze I want her back

[papalazarou]

No response means she is not going to tell you she got the letter OR talk about it.

 

Yes just wait. In the meantime get on with your life. See people, take up a hobby, study for that exam...whatever it is. NC so YOU can heal.

 

Maybe she will call, maybe she wont. But you must try and occupy yourself so you dont thik about it.

 

Depends what you mean by messed up? Your chances with her? No because at the moment you dont have any chances because she does not want a relationship. Messed up in the sense that you will now be waiting and wondering about the letter then yes.

 

Pressure for her in trying to convince her to get back with you, pressure that she still has to deal with you having emotional attachment with her, pressure that you dont see her just as a friend, pressure that you are now wondering what she is doing, why hasnt she responded.

 

As Superdave said when people say they need space - THEY NEED SPACE.

[Jupiter]

Funny thing is , when she broke up with me before the 2 weeks NC.

"She asked if she could still call me. And told me if i ever needed her

for anything , dont hesitate to call."

After I took her stuff to her she called me 2 times with no message that

day. Then nothing for 2 weeks.

My friend made it sound like she said the only reason she hasnt called

me is because she thought I said i needed time to heal.

As always im trying to meet her half way by writing the letter.

Im almoast insulted that she didnt call.

She is totally in Collage party mode right now, she told me that life is

about having fun. And she is "young and Dumb".

She is acting more immature now than she did when i met her 4 years ago.

Its all just frustrating

[dreamguy]

She is totally in Collage party mode right now, she told me that life is

about having fun. And she is "young and Dumb".

She is acting more immature now than she did when i met her 4 years ago.

Its all just frustrating

 

Exactly how I feel about my ex who is almost 24.

Let her act immature and live her age.

If you try to stop her she will blame you and you will push her away.

[Jupiter]

2 days since i left her the letter.

No response

I want to call her so bad , but i know thats not going to help.

I need re-enforcement !!

[papalazarou]

I did say this earlier!!!

 

You said that you dont expect a response. Thats probably the best you can hope for. Although I now know you are dying to ring and say "did you get my letter"

 

 

Dont do IT. Let her come to you. Do something else, but dont contact her...it wont help you (or her) or your situation at the moment.

 

Hang on in there.

[irish girl]

In My 5 year relationship Myself and my boyfriend broke up , the latter time, it was because he was unsure of his feelings etc, etc, I was devastated and the first couple of weeks after the break up I though of ANY excuse to call him... Anything, I tried to convince him that what we had was great- i cringe remembering how weak I was but after a couple of weeks I just realised that Because i was giving him no space he was not going to get the time away he needed to sort out his head, and that It was making me worse, and hell it was TORTURE not calling him, or texting him,

 

 

i wont go through the whole story cos its long but basically it was only after a period of NC that he realised I was the one for him, I made him wait and all that i didnt just fall back into his arms that was nearly a year ago and we are now engaged and happier than we were before the split,

 

What I am saying is if the person is unsure and need space to think through their feelings( which it seems a lot of people do) then you MUST give them that time, and being independent and showing you are doing well without them makes a person realise how they feel either way, so PLEASE PLEASE dont call her, even if you come up with reasons why you think you should, like you didnt finish up right the last time, that is neither here nor there.

 

and good luck

[dreamguy]

so PLEASE PLEASE dont call her, even if you come up with reasons why you think you should, like you didnt finish up right the last time, that is neither here nor there.

 

Exactly how I felt.

Last time I called my ex on Sunday I had a breakdown and cried over the phone. So I felt I had to call her yesterday because I didn't want her to keep that image of me being weak in her mind. I didn't want our last conversation to be one during which I cried (as you said: "I felt I didnt finish up right the last time").

Thank God I was in control of my emotions yesterday and didn't say/do anything foolish.

 

But anyway she said she was coming over for vacation and that she would call me once she gets here so we can meet for coffee.

 

I think I should refrain from contacting her until she does it.

 

Hang in there Jupiter ! I can only tell you one thing: I wish I had not called my ex three days ago and became so emotional on the phone. But as they say, what's done is done... no use crying over spilled milk.

 

I know why you want to call her mate. We've all been through the same process and had the same thoughts.

If I don't call her she will think I don't care... she might then go out with another person and never call me again... etc...

Little by little I came to the conclusion that if your ex is going to see someone else... they will do it anyway, whether you call them or not.

 

In fact, while it might seem illogical (but remember their decision is based on feelings instead of logic), if you call you might increase the pressure on them and push them to see someone else.

 

*Sigh* I wish I could have convinced myself about all this earlier and I could have avoided making a fool out of myself on Sunday !

[Juha]

Nope, my ex has a new boyfriend and she still contacts me...

 

Most of the time for stupid crap... I did try to see what she wanted but she pulled back so I left her alone...I never contact her and she still contacts me, not alot now but still will contact me....

 

Will say we need to make plans... Compliment me... blah, at first I bit and would be around but now I take it with a grain of salt and tell her yeah call me...I know she won't and I really don't care anymore

 

DOn't get it and really want to just say this to her...

 

What is your deal? What do you want? These stupid games may work with your little, weak, immature boys... If you ever truly want to know me then you know how to contact me....

[Biffy]

Nope, my ex has a new boyfriend and she still contacts me...

 

Most of the time for stupid crap... I did try to see what she wanted but she pulled back so I left her alone...I never contact her and she still contacts me, not alot now but still will contact me....

 

Will say we need to make plans... Compliment me... blah, at first I bit and would be around but now I take it with a grain of salt and tell her yeah call me...I know she won't and I really don't care anymore

 

DOn't get it and really want to just say this to her...

 

What is your deal? What do you want? These stupid games may work with your little, weak, immature boys... If you ever truly want to know me then you know how to contact me....

 

With you on that one brother.

 

My ex contacts me all the time... and really has nothing to say to me. I never initiate it and when she does contact me, I am just myself and don't let her know I'm still hurting and wanting her back.

 

I don't understand why she keeps contacting me as I made it very clear that I'm not interested in being her friend.

[ibenhad]

Jupiter,

You need to get a grip. I was with mine for 5 years and I can tell you if you keep chasing and trying to contact you will drive yourself crazy and push her completely away. Mine is gone 2 months no contact. I hurt like hell cry every day and drink like a fish. Will I call her NO. Will I text her NO. Will I email/mail her NO. You should not either. Let her go man. If you are the right guy for her and someone she truly loves she will come back no matter what. Do things for you!!!! I know Scout said don't get drunk but 1 time can't hurt. Get a friend to drive and just go out and get hammered. I have and it was a blast. You can't run away but you must disappear from her life to make her realize what she is missing. It may never happen but she knows how you feel and you cannot change the way she feels. Only she can do that. 4 years is a long time with someone and she thinks about what you had everyday I am sure. She will either miss that and want you back or she won't. NO CONTACT MY FRIEND. Be strong for you. No woman wants a crying needy wuss. Have a drink on me bro.... Good luck.

[Jupiter]

I talked to my friend who saw her on monday.

He said he mentioned that i told him that i wrote

her a letter. She said yeah i havent read it yet.

i lost it and didnt know where it was.

He thinks she found it though. lol

I dont get it , like me and my honest thoughts

are like a piece of junk mail.

Little did she know that it wasnt a beggy pleady letter.

It was a clear to the point letter about me respecting her.

Irony huh ?

So i wonder if she is trying to make me wonder if she got it

or not

[Juha]

Yes Zombiain told mine that I can't be her friend...We are not friends...

 

SHe was why do you hate me so much?

 

They just don't get it...Here we are, would do anything for them but we have to ignore them and their stupid games...

 

I don't think I can be her friend as I really don't want it rubbed in my face that I lost the one person I truly loved and cared about more than anyone in this world...

 

Jupiter NC my friend, don't worry if she got what she thinks jsut be scarce...

 

IF and when she wants to talk or have you again in her life as more than a fake friend you willknow....

[Jupiter]

No response from my letter ,

its been a week since the letter

3 weeks since we talked.

I dont know what to do.

Man , i miss her , I want to call her

and ask her if she wants to be friends or what?

but that could be my mind playing tricks on me.

[dreamguy]

No response from my letter ,

its been a week since the letter

3 weeks since we talked.

I dont know what to do.

Man , i miss her , I want to call her

and ask her if she wants to be friends or what?

but that could be my mind playing tricks on me.

 

Don't call her.

I made that mistake when I cracked last Sunday then on Tuesday.

Still before we hang up on Tuesday she said "I'm visiting the country, I'll call you and we'll meet".

I don't know if I lost her but, my friend, don't make the mistake I made !

SuperDave, Zombian, In_Love, Mavis VDSande and MajorD23 (and many others... I won't name everyone although I'm thankful to all those who reply to my messages) gave me very good advice. They are right. I should not call her !

 

SuperDave simply said: "Think of it this way......Pick up the phone again...You push her away. Let her contact you. DO NOT CALL HER AGAIN..If you call her I promise you, you will post a thread stating "I LOST HER" and you will have no one to blame but yourself."

 

That's what you should understand too.

I join them in asking you NOT to call her. I'm feeling exactly as you are. I have the same fears (that if I don't contact her she'll get mad and forget all about me). That's wrong: You not contacting her has NOTHING to do with her forgetting about you. In fact, it will make her miss you in case she still has some feelings.

 

I know how tempted you are to ask her if she wants to be friends... in the hope she will say "no I want more". This will not happen ! Trust me. Ask her this question and she will not even want to be friends with you.

You don't want to be friends with her either. Do you ? I didn't think so... so stay strong !

[Jupiter]

This is a hard day already,

I woke up early , freeked out missing her.

I must have dreamed about her.

Ive been out on 2 dates with 2 differant ladies.

All I can think about is my ex.

I really love her

Still no response from the letter i sent her.

Feels kinda cold.

I wish there was something I could do

I really want her back

 

of corse im tempted to call her.

but i know its not going to do any good,

[dreamguy]

Of course you will wake up missing her more than usual. This is because you had a dream about her. Happened to me many times.

I always had a very rough day when I dreamt about her at night ! It's normal because the dream is like living something and it can feel so real.

Understand that there will be much better days soon even though this is the most difficult thing to believe right now !

 

Suppose you called her... what would you say that you haven't already told her ? How would you feel in case she doesn't pick up the phone ? If she does answer, what do you think she will say ?

You already know the answers to all those questions mate. So do your best NOT to call for now as you are still too emotional.

 

Concerning your other dates, did you honestly think you will forget about your ex that fast as soon as you go on a couple of dates ? Do you think she will forget about you as soon as she goes out on a few dates (if she does because she might not be interested in dating anyone now).

 

Stay strong and keep posting whenever you feel down like that. We're here for you !

 

This is a hard day already,

I woke up early , freeked out missing her.

I must have dreamed about her.

Ive been out on 2 dates with 2 differant ladies.

All I can think about is my ex.

I really love her

Still no response from the letter i sent her.

Feels kinda cold.

I wish there was something I could do

I really want her back

 

of corse im tempted to call her.

but i know its not going to do any good,

[Jupiter]

Has anyone ever read the "plan" to get your ex back?

The Nc for a month and then call them up and cheerfully ask

them out?

I was thinking about trying that with my ex, It will be a month of NC

(well exept for that letter i sent her).

I really want to get her back ,

What do you guys think ?

Anyone ever had that "plan" work ?