austingunner Posted August 20, 2003 Share Posted August 20, 2003 Hi all: It's been a while since I visited the forums...here's what's happening. It's now been almost two or three weeks away from being three months of being separated till we see how we feel about each other....this has been absolutely NO contact at all, so I don't know what's going on with her or what she's thinking. (See my other posts if you don't know the whole story). A couple of weeks ago I started going on some blind dates and I've met someone by telephone (we haven't met yet) who could really be right for me. I started to date again as a distraction from missing Kristina so much and it's worked to a point. I'm terrified of the disappointment I may experience if after the three months she's moved on...but who knows, she could feel the same way. I just don't know. In spite of the dating there are still times where all those feelings come rushing back in and I know that I still love her very deeply. I don't want to be tied up with someone else if the time comes and she says shes ready to trust someone and that someone is me, but I'm also terrified of the disappointment and hearbreak if she doesn't. I'm not afraid to be alone, but I'm ready for a relatioinship and I want to find someone to enjoy and share my life with before I am older and can't do some of the things I'd like to do with a meaningful partner. I'm going on my first date with this new woman (I'm excited b/c we have a lot of common interests and both have kids and we've had some long, nice conversations on the phone--not to mention the fact that she's stunningly beautiful)....there are so many doubts with Kristina. There are times where I feel so confident that she is my soul mate and that we were meant to be together and that she just needs time to overcome her fears and insecurities from past, abusive relationships; and then there are time that I'm just so afraid of the disappoinment. Anyone have any words for me or that can commiserate with my situation? Cheers... Link to comment
John4887 Posted August 20, 2003 Share Posted August 20, 2003 Turns out that we are going through somewhat same circumstances. I separated on June 1st from my wife. We were married for 12 years. Since then, I still have bouts of guilt and of course there's the moments where I miss my wife, but there's also times that I do not. I have also tried the dating scene, been on about 4 dates so far and not much has happened; not that I was expecting it, but my issue is that I am craving basic female attention - of course, I miss sex, too -- but it's just that basic NEED to being able to TALK to a woman that helps me a great deal. Makes me wonder if there's any women out there who would be willing to talk to a 42 yo guy on the fly? Not seeking sex, just friendship at this time - no commitments, just plain old female friendship. Link to comment
austingunner Posted August 20, 2003 Author Share Posted August 20, 2003 Yes...it's not the sex (although that was phenomenal) but here mere presense in my life and sharing things (cooking dinner together, going to art openings, talking, hearing her sigh when I hold her)...I don't know...I'm just scared that she's moved on b/c I haven't heard from her but that was the deal at the counselor's that we went to...three months, no contact. It's tough. Link to comment
John4887 Posted August 20, 2003 Share Posted August 20, 2003 You've got to ride this out, let it all go. Is there a hobby that you do? I'm a part-time musician playing bass guitar for a local band, and that keeps me busy and my mind off of other things. I am generally pretty lonely and it sounds like both of us miss that female companionship thing - something ALL men would miss. But it's my bed and I made it; thereforeeeee, I must sleep in it. I am the one who moved out on her. So your counselor said no contact with you and her for three months??? Jeez, hope the counselor's not a guy...............(only kidding) It will work out for you in the end, we share similar circumstances. We need to find women who'll talk to us!!! Link to comment
segagirl Posted August 20, 2003 Share Posted August 20, 2003 Hey austin, Wow been almost three months already, you have done such a great job working towards finding peace with yourself. I know you have been doing all the "tasks" you needed too.... So I know that how the two of you would reconnect at the end of three months was sort of left in the dark. I think that at the end of the time, send her a letter telling her about all the things you have been doing, and working on (not the dating..lol) and tell her you would like the opportunity to sit down with her. From there if she is still wanting to talk about being with you, she will contact you and let you know. I can only guess how much anxiety you feel. And really there is not much you can do about that..you can distract yourself..but the feelings will prob. stay with you as this time passes. Continue to work on you, go out on those dates....and in a few weeks send that letter. Just hang in there, you have come so far!! Sega Link to comment
John4887 Posted August 21, 2003 Share Posted August 21, 2003 IGNORE those "dates" that might throw THIS on you: "oh. You've only been separated for 3 months?" That's a bunch of rubbish. Men AND women crave attention from the opposite sex; it's only natural that you may want to get out. Matter of fact, I highly recommend it! Again, find something to occupy your mind during these difficult times. I've been there and I know there are challenges ahead and am preparing for them. Any questions, reply back, this is good therapy for us both. Link to comment
romantic sweetheart Posted October 9, 2003 Share Posted October 9, 2003 Hi. I was wondering how you have been? I am curious as to how things turned out...... Heidi Link to comment
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