my guy has to finish himself off a lot....

[sunflowerEyes]

My guy has this problem that is not able to climax pretty often.. in fact, he hasn't finished inside of me for a long time now.. usually, he has to finish himself off while I dance for him or play with myself while he watches. It's kind of discouraging because it makes me feel inadequate.

Also, he says that I become too loose after a while.. that he can't really feel it anymore.. what can I do?

I'm not the kind of girl who just lays there. I do my part.. but a lot of the time I just feel like I'm not doing it right.

I'm completely comfortable with him, but I feel like I cant really please him.

During other times he can't keep his hands off me and always says how sexy I am and is always looking for sex.. if this is all happening.. whats the problem?

We try a lot of things.. many positions, lots of foreplay and what not..

but he still can't finish, he feels terrible and gets very frustrated and mad.

 

Is there anything I can do to help him?

could it be something emotional?

help

[friscodj]

I have some thoughts:

 

1) Does he wear condoms? If so, try a bigger condom...

 

2) Instead of fighting this problem (which is probably counter-productive and only making the situation worse), accept it and work with it during your physically intimate times. Try some different things to that end. Tell him it's OK, just psychological, and suggest he relax and not worry about it. I bet that at least helps the situation a bit and with time things should improve.

 

3) If not, I'd find a way to maybe suggest he visit a therapist. There may be deeper things going on he may not know about or might not feel comfortable sharing with you. He might have fears or inhibititions that only therapy can help him with.

[Cadence308]

Does he masturbate too much? Maybe he's gotten too used to the way his hand feels.

[friscodj]

Does he masturbate too much? Maybe he's gotten too used to the way his hand feels.

 

That's an idea...

 

Ask him this and maybe suggest he take a break with that for a few days...

[sunflowerEyes]

Well, he used to wear condoms all the time, that's when the problem was the worst and I told him to try a bigger one, he said he just can't feel anything at all. Then we tried it without and it helped for a while... but then it started happening again.

 

I tried to tell him to stop thinking about trying so hard to please me and relax and concentrate on the act and the feeling.. but he says that making me feel good is what gets him off..

I tell him verything is ok and try to take the pressure off.. but he gets so frustrated and i feel bad and then i start feeling inadequate.

 

and no the problem is not too much masturbation.

Well, it may be now that I'm not around as much because I'm away at school, but, when I was home, he didn't masturbate at all.. cuz he always had me around...

 

any other thoughts?

[friscodj]

but he says that making me feel good is what gets him off.

 

Well, I'd say if this gets him off than this is what you need to do. Make sure he knows you are feeling really good. Don't hold anything back to this end...

[sunflowerEyes]

o believe me, i don't!

 

damn it, this is so frustrating.

 

He thinks theres something wrong with him.

 

Even if he does finish. it always take him a really long time. He just gives up and says "its no use, its not working".

 

Sometimes it even goes so far as him getting limp... because he stops feeling!

 

 

[friscodj]

o believe me, i don't!

 

damn it, this is so frustrating.

 

He thinks theres something wrong with him.

 

Even if he does finish. it always take him a really long time. He just gives up and says "its no use, its not working".

 

Sometimes it even goes so far as him getting limp... because he stops feeling!

 

 

 

I would suggest he pay a visit to a doctor, who could do some physical tests, and then if needed, refer him to a psychologist perhaps. Either way, if there is something wrong, it can get worked on. And if there is not, hearing it from a professional should help him out a lot.

[sunflowerEyes]

i'm not sure that's an option...

but ill bring it up.

 

thanks for all your help!

[friscodj]

Why isn't it an option?

[sunflowerEyes]

well, i don't think he'll go for it.

We're still pretty young and it would be a little hard to arrange...

 

I've read on other posts that this could happen because of stress which is good because that is something he's seeing someone about.. stress and anger management (he's not violent or anything, just doesnt know how to deal with stress)

i haven't seen him since he started this therapy but maybe that could be it??

we'll see.

if not, it may just be something that will have to be deal with until we're older..

[TheRedQueen]

Also, he says that I become too loose after a while.. that he can't really feel it anymore.. what can I do?

This is an AWFUL thing to say.

[TheRedQueen]

How old is he? How long have you guys been dating? Are you guys in a LDR? How often do you guys have sex, and how ofen does he ejaculate?

[friscodj]

I'd deal with it sooner than later. And focus on the stress aspect of things because the stress is probably a large component to this. Then during that type of therapy, when he feels comfortable opening up and talking with a therapist (which in and of itself is a skill that takes time to develop), maybe that therapist can start to probe more into the sexual side of this matter.

 

I can see something like this wearing you both down and evetually spelling the demise of the relationship. Don't underestimate the seriousness of this. Trust me on this...

[TheRedQueen]

i haven't seen him since he started this therapy but maybe that could be it??

we'll see.

 

Why haven't you seen him?

[MacGyverRI]

How old are both of you? Too young and it may be a mental issue w/ him not wanting to get you pregnant.

 

Have you tried being on top?

 

You can search for "Kegals", they are a vagina tightening excersize but I really don't think that's the problem.

[itsallgrand]

Drugs? Meds? Booze?

[gary11]

Not sure if I agree about seeing a doctor. Sounds like he has gotten too used to masterbating. This isnt your fault so do NOT feel inadaquate.

 

As long as you Both can orgasm -Relax, its still good sex.

 

Because of the ANGLE I also have a hard time ejaculating during intercourse and prefer to finish with a handjob.

 

My 2 cents. Hope that helps.

[sunflowerEyes]

This is an AWFUL thing to say.

 

i don't really think it's aweful.. i mean that is what's natural right.. after a while.. doesnt a woman loosen up naturally? especially after an orgasm?

[sunflowerEyes]

How old is he? 18

How long have you guys been dating? 10 months

Are you guys in a LDR? yes

How often do you guys have sex? we used to almost everyday, then due to lack of time, it was about 3 times a week, now that i'm away at school, it's not very often at all so he has gone back to masterbating. But the problem has been around for a while, even before the sex. It still always took him a while to finish even with a bj or a hj.

and how ofen does he ejaculate? well, now a days I really don't know, but while i was experiencing it first hand, it was most of the time. just took a lot of work.

[sunflowerEyes]

I'd deal with it sooner than later. And focus on the stress aspect of things because the stress is probably a large component to this. Then during that type of therapy, when he feels comfortable opening up and talking with a therapist (which in and of itself is a skill that takes time to develop), maybe that therapist can start to probe more into the sexual side of this matter.

 

I can see something like this wearing you both down and evetually spelling the demise of the relationship. Don't underestimate the seriousness of this. Trust me on this...

 

i don't underestimate it at all.

I mean, we have other problems right now..

but I've always been curious about this in particular so i thought i'd ask.

 

I'm hoping that the stress management will help...

[sunflowerEyes]

Why haven't you seen him? LDR. he started it after i left

[sunflowerEyes]

How old are both of you? Too young and it may be a mental issue w/ him not wanting to get you pregnant.

 

Have you tried being on top?

 

You can search for "Kegals", they are a vagina tightening excersize but I really don't think that's the problem.

 

18

you have a very good point about the pregnancy thing.

He may think about it while having sex thereforeeee gets nervous and subconsciously doesnt want to ejaculate.

But like i said, it's not only a problem during sex, sometimes bjs or hjs dont work.

yes, ive tried being on top... a lot. we've tried many positions. and some of them worked, but then stopped working. He says it's mostly the not feeling part that does it. Besides, whenever im on top i cant sem to get the right rythm.. u know its kind of hard.. our bodies werent really meant to do that lol! If anyone has any tips?...

I mean 18.. i dont think its really possible for me to be loose already. I've only had one other partner! And it's not like i start out loose, it just happens after we get going for a little while... it's kind of embarrassing.. he says its nothing to worry about, its natural and that its him not me...

 

?

[sunflowerEyes]

no drugs booze or meds involved...

 

and thank you gary, yes it does help

[TheRedQueen]

i don't really think it's aweful.. i mean that is what's natural right.. after a while.. doesnt a woman loosen up naturally? especially after an orgasm?

During and immediately after orgasm, at least for me, I become incredibly tight. And never in my life have I had a partner tell me, while engaing in sex, "that I've become too loose and that he can't feel anything because of that." There's something about that comment that does not sit well in my stomach. Upon hearing something like that from my boyfriend, I too would start feeling "inadequate".