I went and asked for him back... Oh the shame! Wot now?

[Goldie]

The ex, who dumped me a month ago, must have such high self-esteem right now.

 

I went round to his place yesterday and asked him to take me back...

 

I asked for a second chance.. Asked if he still loved me. I practically begged for him to love me.. Eeekkkk!

 

He said no and lots of nasty things actually. Which really really hurt. And I was crying and it was horrible. Ouch ouch ouch.

 

He he! I'm laughing about it today and shrugging my shoulders and thinking 'Ah well!' I suppose it's all part of the 'moving on' process.

 

But he said some pretty nasty things. Like 'You have to like yourself, before you can like others' and 'I don't like enough things about you to go back out with you'

 

I DON'T want to become angry from all of this.. But I sent him a text today saying 'I do like myself.. Just don't like the person I become when I'm around you. Thanks for reminding me why we would never work.'

 

Point is I've humiliated myself and know I can't have him as a friend now. Well not for the next three months anyway. It hurts far too much to see him and I'm clearly not over him.

 

So what now? How do I move on and heal? I thought I was.. But clearly I haven't... How do you pick yourself up when you've begged for your ex to come back and he said no?????

[Gilgamesh]

Actually, this may help you get over him, you got some stuff off your chest, and now you have no doubts that its not going to work out.

 

yes, forget about him, and move on, him breaking up with you, HAS lowered your self esteem, breakups almost always do that, I did the same thing as you, most of us have in that situation, in one way or the other.

 

But that esteem will come back, eventuallly as you heal. heck, not too long from now, you will look back and laugh at all this, and thank goodness that he didnt take you back! really! do you really believe that there would have been balance in that relationship if he took you back? do you really believe everything was going to be as you would like? of course not.

 

 

So dont feel too bad about all that other stuff, its normal, and whatever you do, dont believe you are less of a person just because he rejected you. just means you love him and wanted to make sure it was over, well its confirmed, so , now you can move on without any doubts, you gave it all you could, now you will not have any regrets for not have given it one more chance.

 

How does one build self esteem, mmm many ways.

 

here is just a few ideas, Go to the Gym, take a few courses at community collage (im thinking of taking the cooking class and tango lessons myself) start a new hobby, change your clothing style, hair style, take a trip to a place you never been. re-arrange the furniture in your house. do some charity work. look up some long lost friends from school.

 

If you can only do one thing, do the Gym thing, it helps so much its incredible, helps with stress, and depression, makes you feel good about yourself, and youll meet new people. plus the routine gives you something to look forward to, and youll actually have more energy, and get into shape. exercise will actually release endorphins in the brain, and youll feel happier, and more confident.

 

well give it time, and good luck.

[Goldie]

Thank you for your kind words.

 

I have been doing exactly as you said. Since we split a month ago I've been keeping myself really busy, meeting up with old friends, getting active, making an effort with my looks, increasing my social circle... I've become stronger and stronger and most days I'm enjoying my new found freedom. Today I've quit smoking and I'm going to be nicer to my body from now on. So I'm doing really well. And I'm becoming happier with time. The building blocks are in place. If you met me you wouldn't believe I've been knocked down. I give off such a confidence and warm happiness persona that people find it hard to believe I could ever be down.

 

I think and know I'm going to be just fine.

 

BUT I just feel a bit silly for going back to him and angry that he said to me 'you have to like yourself before you can love others'

 

I'm so mad he said that. I do like myself. Who does he think he is? I don't know anyone who doesn't have problems every now and again.

 

He blamed everything on me! And now he says I have to like myself before I can love others. Who the hell does he think he is???

 

He showed no love, only at the start of our pathetic excuse of a relationship. He was selfish, inconsiderate, never ever put me first... He was boring to be with sometimes as he'd go off in his own little worlds. He wouldn't snuggle with me in bed. We couldn't talk like I've been able to with other men. He clearly wasn't right for me and all his friends think he's going to end up very lonely because he treats people so appallingly.

 

I mean dumping someone on the phone is one thing. But then blaming everything on me just because he's ending it - is disgusting.

 

I am so angry. And I'm glad I'm angry. Because I'm starting to come to my senses. Yes, he might have a nice bum and gorgeous blue eyes. But he also had a saggy chest and looked awful and old in the morning.

 

Yeahh! I'm recovering! Keep the advice coming!

 

I'm so glad I sent my some-what sarcastic text message to him as well... 'I do like myself, I just didn't like the person I became when I was with you!' He he he!

 

Oh I'm so evil.. Goldie's plan is to not be so hard on herself from now on and accept the way I'm feeling and the things I've done are normal and that in a month's time I will heal. And in two month's time I'll be on top of the moon. And in three months time I'll probably be out there doing it all over again... He he he!

 

Thank you. G xxx

[Gilgamesh]

Hey anger is also part of the healing process, let it all out honey!

 

I agree with you, who the hell does he think he is.

 

you deserve to be treated right, and there are thousands of guys , millions of guys that would die to find someone like you!, your ex is the one that is losing out.

 

i am glad your doing all that stuff, it really makes a difference.

 

good luck on your new journey!

[splinter]

Wow Goldie,

 

I envy you. I wish I could be that strong. Like you I have gone through all the motions. I have quit smoking(which I thought I would never do, even though I promised my Ex I would at the beginning of our relationship), I have been working out almost every day, I've lost 25 pounds.(don't know if this is good or not because I am not eating very much), trying to go out as much as possible, etc. I just can't seem to get out of this slump. I cannot take on the attitude you have. Even though initially I begged her to give me another chance and that I would change, I have not asked again because I am too scared to hear the answer I know will probably come. The problem is I still have hope and its killing me. I wish you the best of luck and I'm sure with that attitude you will find someone again soon.

 

Splinter