What do I do???

[ryulost]

Hi all, I am new here and happened upon your site because of my nightmares. My boyfriend and I have been together almost 3 years. We have a daughter, we were careful but a week after I found out I was pregnant a study was released that a medication I was on counteracted my pill.

 

What does this have to do with infidelity... here's a brief intro to my story....

 

he and I met at school ( we are in our late 20's), we carpooled together, both married unhappily. I was in the process of leaving my husband who was insane and beat me, he was too afraid of hurting his fragile wife. He eventually left her and we helped each other through hard times, a while later, we started dating. We have everything in common and got along real well. I have never loved anyone so much in my life, even now. Times were hard and I was very depressed regardless of my new love, so I was a bit emotional, then I got pregnant, and I was more emotional.

 

He freaked and watned to leave, he stuck with me for a while to help out, and didn't have another relationship, but he went away anyway. We got a house together and swore to try, even though he kept saying he was only trying to love me.

 

Then, a month and a half after our daughter was born and I was facing going back to work, I found a love letter to him in our truck, talking about the weekend he supposedly went camping with his male friend, and neglected to tell me his friend brought his sister that my man was having an emotional affair with.

 

I freaked out, he left and that was it.

 

The scars run very deep.

 

He realized how much he really did love me when he was gone and not forced to be with me, or so he felt. we remained friends for the baby's sake, and also my son who had become very fond of him, and agreed to give it one more try. Now he is very sorry, and madly in love with me, a completely different person that he was before and has been for the past 9 months, but I can't forget, just typing this made me cry and it all happened over a year ago. Can I forgive completely, will it ever be ok, or should I cut my losses nad say good bye, even though we have kids. I still hav enightmares about it at least once a week, and God help me if I ever run into the slut who had the balls to say to me F* you, you and your stupid family dont matter, we will be together, and babies just happen.

[Gilgamesh]

Hello Ryulost

 

I have to say, i didnt quite understand the last part of your post, as for the trust thing, it is very difficult sometimes to trust again, you want it to be like it was before, when you trusted him fully, and never dreamed that he could hurt you, but now that you find out he is capable of it, its not the same.

 

no one can really make that decision for you, if you want to try and work it out, i would suggest getting a good book on the topic, I wish there was something simple i could say here, but finding trust, and forgivness is something youll need to find in yourself if you want this to work.

 

If you find out your just not able to find that trust, then you will just have to move on.

 

frankly, If it were me, I dont believe I could continue with a woman that cheated on me, but thats me.

[Stuck-On-Him]

Hi, I have realized that in life tere are people who live to be loved and some to love. Now the problem with this is people that live to love get hurt by those that take. I know how much it hurts, my guy did it to me. It hurts like hell to know there was and is NOTHING you could have done. It was his choise. If you do take him back, he can very easily do it again, but if you dont, the baby's loss. So, what to do. I cant tell you whats the easiest option, cause its your life. But I can say I'll pray for you and your decision. If you do take him back take him backf or your kid, not for yourself. A cheating man does nto deserve anothe chance for you, but he does with the kid

Best of luck!

Lea

[want2bnumb]

I got the last part of your post. That must have been what the other woman had said. NICE!

 

The ball really is in your court. If you find it in your heart to let it go then let it go completely. You can't live your life always looking over your shoulder, you know? Life is too short and you need to focus your energy on your children and not spending your time questioning what he is doing, where he is doing it, and who he is doing it with.

 

If it still hurts this bad after a year there is a good possibility it won't work because you can't let it go. But hey try to remember this, the best thing a man can do for his children is treat their mother well.