Am i doing the right thing??i just need some advice..

[candice67]

My ex & i were in an on & off relationship for 5 yrs, i called a halt on things when i found out there was someone else in the picture 1 yr ago.. yes i am in love with him still, he is also the father of my youngest child who is 4yrs now.. We have been corresponding for a while on & off, with no intimacy (my choice) for 1 yr, which he isnt to happy about, but thats how it is.. abouth 3 months ago he stated that he didnt want me to see other people, he knows that i love him & he does play games, but i try to ignore the games.

I'm just trying to keep things as real as possible, but its getting really hard. I asked him to make a decision as to what he wants, & to stop playing games, he says he needs time to think, its been a week now & i am doing really well, as we used to tex each other practically everyday, sometimes corresponding all day even while he was at work as a telephone adviser..But the biggest problem is, is that he wont confront issues with me regarding our son, or me, he refuses to come & sit & talk with me about anything, but if i said he could come around for sex he is there in a flash.. I havnt allowed him any intimacy with me for 1 year now, & all i got up to last week were texts begging me to let him come around..then i asked him to be straight up with me & tell me what he really wants from me, I havnt heard from him, he just told me he needs time to think..](*,)

He is very intimidating to other blokes he sees me talking to, & becomes quite abrupt & scarcastic when we do see each other. But he never comes around our child or has ever asked to take him out.. He says he didnt want anymore children & that i brought this on myself, he only wanted a relationship with me.

I was seeing someone for 4 months but he made this guys life hell, he was very intimidating, & he actually made the guy think that there was still something going on between us even though i stopped all contact with him throughout the whole 4 month relationship.the guy didnt believe, even though we were together 6 out of 7 days & nites of the week. Yes it ended, i couldnt take the arguments, the guy had no trust in me, & i just realised that he was too insecure.

Dont get me wrong my sons dad has bought our son things & provided for his upkeep, but has stopped from last week, but if we have an argument around our sons birthday or xmas, our son doesnt receive nothing.

I know that he isnt emotionally available, & i am trying to move forwards. But its like he doesnt want me to.. Ive tried to cut all ties, but he makes my life miserable.

Why is it all about me???? why is he spiteing me????

I have had enough of this now..

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

He sounds utterly horrible and I think you should see him as nothing but the father of your son who you should treat civilly, but otherwise have nothing to do with.

 

The cold hard facts - he plays games. He's sarcastic and aggressive. He doesn't send your son a bean on his birthday or at Christmas. He's causing you aggravation and grief. He doesn't care for your child at all - he won't discuss issues to do with your son.

 

Worst of all, he seems fine with the idea of using you for sex - you yourself admit if you said he could come round for sex, he'd be there "in a flash".

 

He's also a bit dense as well - you havn't been intimate with him for a year, and he's still failed to get the hint.

 

You really are so much better off without him. I give a STRONG vote for cutting off as much contact as possible with him, he sounds like nothing but bad news.

[candice67]

Thanks for that.. but i really have deep feelings for him... I know he is inconsiderate & selfish & i am so trying to get him out of my system..

I'm trying to be civil..

I've tried to cut the ties.. then he is ok for a while.. then its like he's a spoilt child.. So i give in & resume civil contact.. Yes my own fault..

I am gonna try to keep strong... it is just so hard when you love that person.

[nadine_3110]

It sounds like he's thinking, 'If I can't move on, she can't either.' He's holding you back from having other possibly great relationships. That's not right. I think he should be involved in his son's life a little more too. Wow, having a child in there complicates things. You should just stop contact with this guy but on the other hand, that kid needs a dad, but a dad that's around.

[candice67]

You are so right i thought that too... he wont let me move on... His mom stays in contact with us also.. She tried to talk to him & he told her to basically stay out of his business..

Yet when his mother was sick with cancer i was the one running her up & down from the hospital.. yes he appreciated it.. I told him i wasnt doing it for him or for his gratification..

He got selfish & scarcastic with me again, so i just try to keep my distance from his family..

his mom thinks she has done something to offend me..

i did put it down to him maybe not being able to have that control factor with me as i am very independent, i work part-time, i am also at college part time, i started a new business venture 1 yr ago, & i am still trying to make that successful & i am bringing up 3 kids, so i am really quite resourceful..

I thought that could be a little threatening to him, maybe he sees that i dont really need him..

But he cant see i really only want him to show his feelings/love if thats what he feels..

if he doesnt love me, please leave me alone!!!

if you love youre son show it..

I dont think that I'm not asking for much.I really want him to be part of the family, but i think thats what he is afraid of... maybe he thinks i have too much expectation of him????

i really dont know as he refuses to answer my questions, so i jus leave him alone... He is just so stubborn..

i do think he has a problem showing his feelings, but there isnt much i can do..

[candice67]

i found out that his girlfriend has been 2 timing him for a while now, so i've known for a while & decided to take it upon myself to tell him..

He was livid... at me... so angry...

Then he turned around & told me to mind my own business as it has nothing to do with me what his girlfriend does..

I dont think he knew, but he then said to me that he knew all about it, what i knew & more & that he is * * * *ing around also.. so so what...

I just said that i didnt realise he knew all about it & that i will leave them to it & he is right, that it hasnt got nothing to do with me.. i have left the situation at that..

[redandblack]

This guy is abusive mentally and possibly even physically. You're better than this and your child also deserves a better, more stable upbringing. Its time to stand up for yourself. Getting rid of him will be hard, but you really need to take a lot of time away from him to sort things out.

[adoring the unatainable]

Honestly - sees you as an easy target who he can have on stand by, and shag.

 

Looks like he's not getting involved with being a father. My advice - be civil, call or text if its important regarding your son. but, please dont get yourself tangled up with relationship past/present over calls and texts.

 

i think its time to move on.( IM trying to as well, im slowly getting there) i know its ssosoooooooooooooooooooooooo hard. But, maybe your meet a really nice guy who wants you for you, and you can be a family.

 

hope everything goes alright for you!!!

[candice67]

Thanks everyone for ur support, i am now dating someone really nice, we are taking things slow & easy.. he loves kids, & has responsibility 4 his own, he is a role model 4 my eldest son..

just when you think things wont happen they really do.. I'm really thinking & keeping positive.. Lets see how things go..

I dont really think about my yougest childs father as much, i actually see him in a different light, 4 who & what he really is.. he didnt really respect me enough, & i really truly see that now..

Thanks to everyone for ur positive advice..