Signs of Interest?

[Captain34]

Been about 3 months since my ex broke things off. i hadn't seen her in over 1.5 months until last weekend.

 

Starting a few weeks ago several of her gf's started being very friendly with me when I ran into them. I was glad for that, but they were almost too friendly. My ex's roommate in particular was always digging for info abotu what was going on with me.

 

Then a week ago my ex starts showing up at places she knows there is a good chance I will be at. She did this on both Friday and Saturday nights.

 

Same thing again this weekend, but her pursuit was much more obvious. I had decided a while ago to back away - since she ended things I came to the conclusion that it could only work out LT if she came to me.

 

Eventually she makes her way over and sits down to speak with me at a bar this past weekend. She followed my friends and I there, was all done up, and kept glancing over all night. I broke the ice with a couple jokes to get the conversation going. Eventually she started drinking form my glass when another guy approached. I later found out from her he was into her friend, but at the time I didn't know. She was very open with me and seemed to want reassurance from me about her work, etc. She was also very enthusiastic about what I'd been up to. I reached over and touched her arm at one point, joking that I knew she was a tough girl. She seemed to like that. I felt the conversation hit its peak (it was loud and i didnt want to get into the past at a bar), so I stood up, kissed her on the cheek, and left with friends. Leaving another bar that night I heard a group of ladies whispering after I walked by that they had to call and tell my ex.

 

There was lots of eye contact, etc. Basically I was with this girl for a long time, I know when the chemistry is working. I just wonder if its just residual feelings from teh past, or whether she is really interested in reconciling.

 

Any input would be appreciated!

[kekep]

So why did you two end up breaking up, anyway? From what you've said about the situation, it sounds like she's still into you, although she could be a tease (always a distinct possibility with a woman)...If she was the one who ended things, I would continue to play it very cool just like you have been, continue to go out and have fun, and let her come to YOU. It seems like you have your head screwed on very straight and are very confident, and believe me, speaking from a woman's vantage point, that is very appealing to us.

[Captain34]

thanks kekep. id say the biggest reason for the breakup was that i graduated from school and it was really unclear where I would be this year. Not to say there weren't some other things that could have been better, but we had something special going on. I'm 23 and she's 21. We met in school and are both very motivated and looking to further our education - it seems like this is an underlying reason of why things ended early this past summer.

 

I wouldn't classify her as a tease at all in normal situations. She is sensual, but classy. I always liked that. If she's being a tease here its only because of the whole situation. Plus, why would she be so curious and keep making these attempts just to tease me? The night after I had the above conversation with her I showed up at the same bar and happen to exchange glances with her gf's accross the room. I assumed she was already there, but she showed up by herself 15 minutes later. If it was just her trying to tease me why try again the next night? That second night she walked in and saw me sitting with a female friend who seems to be interested in me. I don't have mutual interest but I am friendly (after any breakup I try to make some new female friends rather than fall into the rebound category, it works much better). It seems like this other girl's interest is a gossip topic. When my ex walked in and saw us she did a double take and gave the other girl a hug, talked to her for a minute. She then rushed away. Later on she was blatantly trying to make me a bt jealous. I think I have a pretty good read on that.

 

I am trying to play it cool, but not for cool's sake. It was nice to have some friendly interaction after 1.5 months with no contact, but I havent seen enough on her part yet for me to consider anything but the status quo.

 

People here have preached that if your ex wants to get back together they will come right out and say that. I think tahts an exaggeration, especially from the woman's vantage point, no? Human nature would tend to have things play out more gradually and let the suspense build up again. I feel like the tide is coming in. The hard thing for me has been to hold back pursuing her. By that I don't mean continual pursuit, but rather waiting until a convenient run-in so that I can get her a little weak in the knees. That was especially hard the second night I saw her this weekend, she looked damn good.

 

 

So if a woman breaks off a long term relationship, in what ways would she begin to show she was interested in patching things up?

[kekep]

id say the biggest reason for the breakup was that i graduated from school and it was really unclear where I would be this year.

 

What have YOU done to solve this hazy aspect of your life? I'm also 23, and so is my bf (or whatever you'd like to call him ) so I believe our issues are very similar as well. Was she concerned that you lacked ambition, or were you two moving in different directions? Have you thought about improving on that area in your life?

 

why would she be so curious and keep making these attempts just to tease me?

 

My concern is your reaction to her when you two cross paths. You can't allow the ball to go into her court, so to speak. Remain in control of yourself and this situation at all times, even if it KILLS you to do so. Bring your new girlfriends along or your single guy friends so that if you two DO cross paths, you are having a fun time (or, at the very least, appearing to). Don't sit there and mope, even if she's flirting with other guys. YOU DO THE SAME! The last thing you want is for this girl to feel sorry for you. It's disgusting to women, I PROMISE. We heart confidence

 

People here have preached that if your ex wants to get back together they will come right out and say that. I think tahts an exaggeration, especially from the woman's vantage point, no? Human nature would tend to have things play out more gradually and let the suspense build up again.

 

I think this IS an exaggeration. No one likes to immediately admit they are wrong about a major decision like breaking up. I especially don't think people enjoy being labeled as fickle.

 

So if a woman breaks off a long term relationship, in what ways would she begin to show she was interested in patching things up?

 

If what I've read so far is an accurate assessment of what's really going on, I'd have to say this girl is at the very least curious about you if not interested. If she really wanted to avoid you, she wouldn't be showing up to the same bar that you were at. She'd be avoiding it, like the plague! I just hope for your sake that she isn't being a skeechy tease.

[Captain34]

Well I've done a lot. Moved into a pretty nice place which was a step up from the college places id been renting. My old car had died, I bought a new one and am mobile again. Started an MCAT class and am taking the exam in January, starting to go through the application steps to medical school. I landed a biotech job and worked it for a while but decided to quit...it wasn't for me and I felt like I could do better. Also am in better shape and have a healthier lifestyle.

 

My ex is from a well off family and has had the road to success paved for her, but she is a very, very hard worker. I was raised in foster homes and paid for school myself, so its more of a struggle for me. I've gone very far from state custody to an ivy league degree on my own and im proud of it, but this past year my focus has been more on resolving some personal issues and transitionign from surviving to ambition. I don't think she is able to fully empathize that sometimes I just need to get all that sorted out before I can pursue med school/career. I'm also in the process of trying to get my family somewhat functioning again. Plus, my younger brother just started his freshman year of school and I've tried to be somewhat of a father to him. We both want to continue our education so that is an obstacle.

 

Basically getting through school on my own without any financial or familial supprot has been damn trying. I felt a bit exhausted over the summer and needed time to collect myself before I hopped on that ambition train again. I think I'm back on track now.

 

She doesn't feel sorry for me. Each time I've seen her friends and now recently her I've been out having a ball. The NC period helped me heal and I'm back to being that funny guy who can get any lady to smile. As far as confidence - this si what is really getting to me now - does me holding back and wanting to wait for her to pursue more show a lack of confidence? My gut tells me I could get some temporary results by chasing, but I'd rather let her move a bit closer in hopes of having it work out long term. basically I want to chase and chase, but I'm not right now and I'm afraid I might be being too passive.

 

So if she is curious or interested, show I continue the same in your opinion? Thats what I'm thinking, but again I don't want to miss an opportunity. I wonder what she thinks of me ending our conversation friday and then not approaching her on saturday??

[beck24]

for what my 2 cents are worth, keeping it cool is the best plan. i suggest reading this

 

 

[Captain34]

So I ran into her again last night. A mutual friend of ours moved accross the country today so a group of his friends got together to have some fun before he left.

 

She showed up towrds the end of the night, mentioned to everyone she was late because she had an exam today...which she hadn't studied for. I asked her about her class and we spoke briefly. Some of the other poeple in the room are aware we are broken up, one guy even made a point to say she could sit down next to him accross the room. She didn't she sat down just a couple feet away from me. I eventually went outside to have a cigarette with a couple guys. She then came outside to leave and didn't say goodbye to anyone(except the guy going away, inside). She did pause briefly near me on the steps though, I think she may have wanted me to approach her.

 

I spoke with another mutual friend later that night, he said that he had lunch with her earlier in the day. He said that she had mentioned that she hadn't had much of a love life recently, that she had met someone at a club a fw weeks back and was interested but it didnt work out. THis friend of mine who has known her longer but is closer with me mentioned that she had unfinished business with me. He asked me if I stayed in town for her and I said no. He also asked what good a one night fling would do - I told him nothing. Tried to explain that if thats what I wanted I wouldnt be trying to be so patient. I would either like this to work out LT or not at all, thats why I'm waiting for more to come from her at this point. Both my ex and I come from families with divorced parents and I have always recognized that this has affected my ex, seemingly making her afraid to commit. But this mutual friend who had lunch with my ex brought up this point specifically. His advice was to not focus on the past or to try and get into deep convos with her about it, just to have fun with her when I see her. I think he is trying to play the role as the mediator who doesn't report 100% of what he other side has been saying. I am somewhat surprised she would be open about such things when it is fairly clear some if not all of their conversation would get back to me.

 

So tahts the update. I do just want to chill out and have some fu with her - I wuold want to take it slow if things were to work out. On the other hand seeing her drives me crazy, I just want to pick her up and carry her straight home haha. Thankfully my slef control is pretty good with this.

 

So I'm still thinking about how to play things, gonna just be patient and wait and see I guess. I have the urge to call her up and invite her over to see my new place, but I have the funny feeling like it isnt time yet.