bhzmafia Posted October 15, 2006 Share Posted October 15, 2006 What you are doing - not being around too much, leaving conversations early, not making too much effort with her etc. is really good (its what I wish I did... blah..) but on the other hand,Good girls dont confuse you. Just keep doing what you are doing... seems to be working anyway Also - by not doing too much, not making too much effort etc. if it does turn out to not work, like tyler said about the fall, it wont hurt as much if you didnt invest so greatly. Just be ready for that fall ... really believe in what you are doing so that it becomes implanted in your brain. This will help if the fall does come... Good luck though, heres hoping she isnt crazy Link to comment
NyGentleman Posted October 15, 2006 Author Share Posted October 15, 2006 What you are doing - not being around too much, leaving conversations early, not making too much effort with her etc. is really good (its what I wish I did... blah..) but on the other hand, Just keep doing what you are doing... seems to be working anyway Also - by not doing too much, not making too much effort etc. if it does turn out to not work, like tyler said about the fall, it wont hurt as much if you didnt invest so greatly. Just be ready for that fall ... really believe in what you are doing so that it becomes implanted in your brain. This will help if the fall does come... Good luck though, heres hoping she isnt crazy Believe me, I know the crazy girl complex all too much ...def am hoping it doesnt turn into one of those...but I appreciate you looking positive on the situation, I mean how many times does the advice stay mysterious with her, let her think about you more, be around less, come up and the person never takes that advice...alot huh, im guilty of doing the opposite in a new situation and i think thats what messes things up later on, the to much time spent in the beginning....but i also hear what your saying, and its in the back of my head the what if she turns around and stops acting this way, but im hoping for the best...but i have to say this is by far one of the more attractive girls ive ever got involved with since i was 16...thats why its so hard at times to stick to the plan... Link to comment
NyGentleman Posted October 18, 2006 Author Share Posted October 18, 2006 Update: Well been getting extremely close now to the point where she wants to spend alot of time together but so far its been around her place...we havent ventured out yet together, like out out...I guess thats better since we dont have a title but i dont really know its just weird that we havent hung out like that, and also we have some interesting times when we are alone....short of sleeping together which is also an issue (only if we were together issue)...but why do other things?? confused about that one... Link to comment
MacGyverRI Posted October 19, 2006 Share Posted October 19, 2006 Update: short of sleeping together which is also an issue (only if we were together issue)...but why do other things?? confused about that one... Have you considered that she may have an STD like herpes and this is the problem? Link to comment
Daddy Bear Posted October 19, 2006 Share Posted October 19, 2006 ok, i don't see any posts in your thread that represent my take on your situation, so here it is: you've been her friend for two years, and she has come to rely on you for emotional support. the romance thing apparently didn't feel right for her, and i wouldn't bet that she'll change her mind again. if that is true, then your options are basically two: stop wanting her (it can be done) and just be the friend who helps her unburden herself of her troubles, or stop caring about her altogether (even easier) and show her the door. i know what i'd do, but i think a little differently than the average guy. so, if these were your only choices--and they may be--which would you pick? Link to comment
NyGentleman Posted October 19, 2006 Author Share Posted October 19, 2006 Well, initially I thought that things would be amazing now that the ex is out of the picture (actually thats what i thought would happen but come to find out today he's still tries to contact alot, the term blowing up her phone is more like it lol )...the other thing is we dont hang out, hang out yet, idk what the delay is, maybe for the fact that she is a club/bar girl and i recently got out of that for awhile, not a big drinker anymore...but that awkwardness is there about that..we hang out during and after school at her place but nothing really past that...as far as the std thing def not..i know for a fact on that one...and the last thing i have noticed is we are acting strange lately together i guess maybe the initial exciting, newness of the situation is fading, and we have nothing to fall back on yet bc we dont hang out romantically (like dinner, movies etc..) i dont really know...but i know for awhile the whole mystery approach worked like a charm (leaving her wanting more, not seeing her alot etc..) now it seems maybe its backfiring....or maybe she is just waiting for me to step it up a noch..whatever the case you have seen what has been going on with me and the situation first hand through all my posts...just cant believe there are so many phases in this one, feels like maybe it isnt meant to be sometimes, and other times it feels as if she wants me to be that guy for her...to much of a rollercoaster if you ask me....that is why i backoff and dont put myself out there when she says we should go here or there, which happens on occasion. Does anyone think maybe i should just go for it and see what happens? or is it really a lost cause? Im having more and more trouble trying to figure this one out with all the different things that go on.... Link to comment
AmikeA Posted October 21, 2006 Share Posted October 21, 2006 WOW I am in nearly the same situation man....its crazy. What I have decided to do, is to keep her at a distance for a while. I can't let go of her friendship.....well I dont want to. But I cant keep it while feeling like I do, or wondering how she does. She said alot of the same things to me as this girl did to you...it hurt when she began acting liek she never had feelings for me. It hurt alot. But I finally confronted her about it and she was finally honest, it made things easier. She doesn't want anyhting more than friendship with me now... and even that is up in the air in my opinion.... because she hurt me and should have more respect for my feelings if she values my friendship. I am dead tired, but will respond more in depth tomorrow. Goodluck. Link to comment
NyGentleman Posted October 22, 2006 Author Share Posted October 22, 2006 Well things have changed alittle bit since i last posted...It seems now that she leaves me with these small comments on the weekends that i am suppose to abide by or else im the one not interested...What do i mean by this, well it goes like this, we talk now on the weekends (which i knew was gonna be a mistake once we started) I thought just to go back a notch it would keep things at a slower pace if we had separate lives on the weekends....but well thats out the window and now we talk. Since than its been like this....."Well I will be here (a place-which is usually a club/bar) and well now you know where ill be so...." Just like that...and I am like ok so maybe i will stop by or maybe we'll just talk tomorrow...and than I get the "right, your shady you wont come by." Well as soon as I hear that it def unmotivates me from even wanting to go at that point, and its bc i usually dont go..so i get all the details the next day about this guy hitting on her, grabbing her etc...I have no interest being still a friend (well with more benefits than the average person) to go and hang out with her at a bar and club awaiting and uncomforatble position to happen bc we arent together...Just not what im looking to do, and for the most part i feel as if i am trying to fill shoes of the ex sometimes, being that the ex in the past usually took her only to places like that...but why is she trying to make me feel bad? Is it that she really wants me to take her out alone instead? or is it bc she really does want me to be there with her? Annoying situation now if you ask me and all while we arent together..its amazing how these things are happening while we are still "friends" ..... Link to comment
NyGentleman Posted October 27, 2006 Author Share Posted October 27, 2006 Update: After the whole bar night last week, we seemed to have gotten alot closer...Well we finally had a date, it was very nice and simple, outside of our normal hang out zone..but at the same time 12hrs later i get the feeling it wasnt what she wanted to do (maybe she was being nice to see how it would be?)...The reason is because when someone asked her later on what she did, the response what nothing, now maybe it was bc it wasnt really anyones business or maybe it was bc thats how she felt..but i thought we had a nice time...We chatted, had a nice meal and hung out casually afterwards...i dont know why but i always feel lately that i have to entertain her, live up to what she is used to, bars/clubs..drinking etc...she says she really isnt into that stuff, but i keep thinking that she felt like she missed out on something ...i dont know why i feel like that today....the other thing is there is a party that im invited to, she'll be there but so will other guys that we all know and some that maybe even like her..since we arent exlusive and i dont know really how she will act towards me do i go?? Link to comment
NyGentleman Posted October 31, 2006 Author Share Posted October 31, 2006 Duno if anyone is following this but have some bad news in terms of the progressions we've made and how far things have come.... i dont know what to do now....we both agreed mutually that after 2x of it (sex) being not so hot we dont know what to do...we talked it out somewhat and neither one of us wants it to be officially over (even though we arent officially dating) we were getting close to..but this put a big kink in things....I need some perspective...i think it might have been nerves and pressure things like that...but how should i approach the situation when we talk again, should things be over for good or should there be one more chance at making it work.... The confusing thing is everything else is amazing between us, just that part is lacking for some strange reason.... The end result as of now is this: We actually had a long talk tonight about what happened, and well the sex is whats killing all the feelings we've developed...she thinks that should reflect our feelings for one another and since its not its making things very confusing...well we kinda sorted it out, but the end result was taking time off of that and eachother and thinking things through more....so im hoping for the best but we'll see....i fear that things have just gotten weird already, and the chance we had is over, but im trying to be positive and think that in her thinking time she will see that its not all about sex, that we connected in more ways than that and it would be a shame to close the book just bc of that.... Link to comment
NyGentleman Posted October 31, 2006 Author Share Posted October 31, 2006 Well I was right so this might be my last post, this thing has kinda turned into a blog but ...i think it maybe officially done... We had some meetings together today with other people, 2 to be exact and well we wasnt any contact between eachother at all throughout the entire day...and she made it a point to sit as far away from me as possible too...not even eye contact was made...not to mention, no contact phone wise at all since the talk yesterday and she used to be someone i always looked forward to hearing from even if it was a simple text...Great Halloween for me.....I cant believe a friend of that magnitude would turn out to be so cold, after all said and done...wow....im speechless....and very much hurt... Link to comment
NyGentleman Posted November 13, 2006 Author Share Posted November 13, 2006 I knew there was a reason behind not closing out this thread....Well its been sometime since i have updated everyone...things were really moving along for sometime now, we even got intimate..although it started off very shaky and weird it progressed to an amazing thing after we worked out everything...things started to seem like they were all fitting together when blam...out of no where i got a bad instinct feeling (this was today) ...and guess what my instinct is never wrong with woman...she started to talk to her ex again after completely cutting him off...wow....i was heated to say the least...i cant even believe it...she claims its because i havent made the attempt to act like her bf yet...she thinks i was scared to take the next level....well yeah wouldnt you if you believed that the girl you were into wasnt 100% into and over the ex...no wonder why i was holding back....so i called her out on it and said, ook so if i ask you to be my girl right now, can you be 100% with me right now and tell your ex to lose your number and never talk to you again...she went dead silent and looked away...there was my answer right there.....but she wouldnt let me leave mad....but i left anyway with her pleading not to let it get weird...and that she was very indecisive not only about me but about her life..... Link to comment
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