Does she or not?

[NCllns]

Hello,

 

Over the past few months I have been very attracted to a girl, we get on very well and share interests, however she is engaged to him (he is not around at the moment) and she has a child to him ( she is 18 ).

 

My question is, I am really attracted to her and I do not feel as this is a one way thing (I am confident she feels the same), however I do not know how to approach this matter, how do I know for sure she feels the same? Do I stay friends with her and suffer in silence? Do I tell her how I feel? Or wait for her to make the first move (what if she is waiting for me to do the same)?

 

I don't want to spoil a great friendship, but I a really attracted to her and feel we could make a great future together. I haven't been in the situation of seing a girl who already is engaged before. Can anyone give me some advice on what to do please?

 

Thank you.

[Annoyed And Bitter]

Nigel,

 

It seems that I cannot avoid throwing my opinion in here.

 

I think your best course of action is to tell her that you are starting to have feelings for her. Stress that you are not trying to break up her relationship with her fiance (even if you ARE). But that you just could not go another second without telling her how you feel.

 

Whether she is interested or not, I am sure she will let you know. The question here is CAN YOU HANDLE HER ANSWER WHATEVER THAT ANSWER MAY BE?

 

Good luck to you

[Annoyed And Bitter]

Nigel,

 

By the way... You realize of course that no matter HOW she replies that this man will always be in her life because of the child, right?

[BazookaMike]

This is my advice; stay friends she's just going to slow you down. AAB is totally right in his post. I didn't think about that, but you sure need to.

 

I understand that you enjoy her company but why go after this girl? There are so many single ladies out there that are not tied down with a kid. eighteen is only the age of a high school graduate. I think She's going about life all backwards IMO.

[Annoyed And Bitter]

Sometimes people make me really mad, and while I realize it doesn't matter in the long run, I felt the need to tell you that her having a child DOES NOT mean that you should completely discount her, despite the response from Bazooka... Follow your heart, love...

[za3raa69]

do u really wanna ruin wats between her and her fiance? theyre having a baby remember? r u ready to have his responsibility?

think again before u do anything

do u really wanna break up a "future" family?

 

but if ur sure theres somehting going on, be positive shes not gonna do the first move... she'll be thinking he would wanna have anything with me while theres a baby... i think u should talk to her in tht case

 

Goodluck! see ya!

[NCllns]

Thanks for the advice.

 

If I told her how I feel, could it ruin our friendship (even if I told her that I am just being honist with her about how I feel)?

 

Has anybody been in my position before, if you have what more advice could you give that hasn't been given?

 

She does talk about her fiance fequently when other people are around (she dosen't even wisper about him when we are alone), but could that just be because she doesn't want to make it obvious that she likes me? Or not?

 

What should I do about her and her fiance's family, if she was to want to have a relationship with me?

 

She has even told me things the fiance doesn'tn even know when we have been alone, is this a sign of great trust in me, or aas a sign she is being open with me for a future relationship?

 

I have no worries about that she has a baby, that is the furthest thing from my mind (she makes a great mom anyway).

 

I am just worried that I could spoil a good friendship, but on the other hand I may gain a long lasting relationship.

 

Could someone list some pros and cons, so I can compare with what I have?

 

Could you give an advice not said above please?

 

Thanks for the help.

[NCllns]

*BUMP* Any ideas?

[Annoyed And Bitter]

Sweetie, you have to do what your heart tells you is right. It is only my opinion that those who take no risks do not live, but merely SURVIVE...

 

If you take the chance of telling her how you feel, yes she could walk away from the friendship, or turn you down. But she COULD throw her arms around your neck and super-glue herself to your hip.

 

On the other hand, if you do not tell her you could regret it for the rest of your life. There is nothing as heart-breaking as wondering "What might have been"... But you would spare yourself possible rejection too.

 

I suppose the question you should ask yourself is WHAT IS MORE DEPLORABLE, LIVING IN FEAR AND DOUBT AND BEING SAFE OR TAKING THAT CHANCE AND RISKING REJECTION?

 

If you ask me, which you did in a way, I say take that chance. You never know what might happen, but love is worth DYING for, so it stands to reason it is worth risking rejection for too....

 

Good Luck

[NCllns]

 

Hi,

 

Rejection is ok, I can take that, but what I am thinking is if she DID feel the same way about me and she was willing to breakup with her fiance for me, how would I (WE) go about talking to (and explaining to) the to families (her fiances and hers)?

 

Thanks for the advice everyone!

[NCllns]

*BUMP*

[Annoyed And Bitter]

Stop worrying about everyone else and start worrying about you. It is NOT their decision to make. You need to do whatever it is that is true to YOU and how YOU feel.

 

And as far as "does she or not?" Well my dear, you won't know until you ask HER. So for the love of God stop putting so much stock in what WE have to say and start putting some in what SHE has to say.

 

Good Luck, God Speed, and May The Force Be With You (LOL)

[NCllns]

Update:

 

Since I last posted I told her I fancied her and for a few weeks after that we kissed quite a bit, but she was always the one to 'hint' that I was to give her a kiss. This was about a month ago now and since she stopped giving 'hints' I have not give her a kiss because I am scared that the time might not be right for me to kiss her. How do you know when the time is/isn't right for a kiss?

 

I have also written her a note describing my feelings to her and I asked her to tell me or write back how she feels about me, but every time I try to talk about it she says that she doesn't want to talk about it, or she dosen't answer my question. She is still fine around me but she dosen't seem to have a 'laugh' when we are alone like we used to have. I think that this maybe because she is trying to hide her feelings because she is engaged ( it was when we were having a laugh that we ended kissing ).

 

How can I tell if she is hiding her feelings for sure?

 

How can I get around her 'wall of silence' when I ask her to tell me how she feels?

 

How do I know she is not just waiting for me to give her a kiss without her giving 'hints'.

 

Any more advice you can give?

 

Any advice you can give on this matter would be great.

 

Thanks.

[Cid]

Ok about the hole kissing thing how do you know if she whats you to kiss her. Well when you find that out please tell me becouse I dont know. How you find out if she likes you, ask her if she likes you. It is hard to tell if she is hideing her feelings one thing you should ask is that, are you makeing her uncomfrtable. (I know this one is hard but if it is yes then lay low for awhile) From what you told us I feel that she has feelings for you but she still has feelings for him too, and she douse not what to louse him. If it was up to me I would cut my losses. Let her live her life this is puting alot of stress on her and on you. (This is hard to do but some times you must let her go if you love her) You will find someone new later in life. Well I hope this helps you but I know that you would not like to here this so good luck.

[NCllns]

Thanks, does anybody else have any advice please?

 

Thanks

[NCllns]

*BUMP*

[NCllns]

Hi,

 

Very soon I am going to attempt to kiss her, as this will then tell me definitly if she still likes me or not. The main reason for me doing this is because every time I say something like I have said below she seems to take it really well, and not bad as you would expect, considering she is engaged. How do you really know if she has taken to comment below well or badly for sure?

 

However my question is, if she does kiss me back, were do I go from there (being as she is engaged), what do I do?

 

If she stops me and says no not now, when do I re-approach her for a kiss?

 

If she stops me and says No, do I ever attempt to kiss her again?

 

Please help, and give all opinions please. Thanks.

 

P.S. She was wearing new trousers a few days ago, and I managed to pluck up the courage and say to her "Those new trousers look great, but you would look alot better not wearing them", and she reacted well (i.e. she didin't say anything, but when I made an excuse for something to someone she was mouthing "It wasn't that" and smiliing), ever since then she seems to have been a little differant around me (good not bad BTW). Could this mean that she still has feelings for me, and liked what I said?

 

Thanks for help.

[NCllns]

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