Your INterpretation...???

[Captain34]

Hey all, today marks 6 weeks NC. This site and all of your insight has been quite helpful, so thanks - it is all much apppreciated.

 

Like I said, I started NC 6 weeks ago, and it has helped a great deal. THing is that I feel like I am at the point where NC may being doing more harm than good. It is probably important that I also add my last contact with my ex was a phone call that she reutrned. We had a good chat for about 20 minutes and I suggested we arrange to meet up (wasn't the best idea at the time, I know). Well, she never got back to me and here we are 6 weeks later.

 

So why am I posting now hoping for some advice and/or insight? The last couple weeks have brought with them some developments. First, my ex's girlfriends are being very friendly with me, and my ex's very close friend has been digging me for info about whats going on with me. THis has happened 4 times. Next, this past weekend my ex showed up at places on consecutives nights where she knew there was a very good chance I would be at.

 

Th first night I called a friend to see what he was up to and was told I shouldn't come by because my ex was tehre. Just a few minutes later I got a call back from him saying that I could come by if I wanted to. Don't know if my ex overheard the prior convo and said something. I decided best not to go.

 

Next night I went to a performance that my roommate was in. Turns out my ex was there. I saw her from afar from behind, later made my way to the front of the crowd. Her close girlfriend saw me so I am assuming she knew I was there. Later that night I ran into a friend, told her I was going to a bar, she said she was going to a friends house to chill with "the girls". An hour later or so I see my ex walk by the bar with the above mentioned group of ladies. She seemed upset, a friend of hers had her arm around her. A few minutes prior I was talking up a cute girl I hadn't seen in a while. My ex may have seen this if she came into the bar. I don't know if she did come in - all I know is that I saw her walk by. It was the first time I had seen her in person for a while. Next morning I heard her on the radio mention that she had a rough night. Since I saw her at about 1:30am out with "the girls" I am assuming the rough night had to do something with me.

 

Like I said, I'm getting sick of NC. Not the actual NC, but rather the fact that it seems too contrived at this point. I feel like I'm past having to have NC because I have healed a great deal. I would just like to improve the situation with my ex and wonder if being a man and stepping forward is the right thing to do. The events of the past couple weeks have had a big influence, so I'd like some outside feedback as to what meaning if any they have.

 

I've been making a point to stop discussing this among my friends and of course mutual friends my ex and I have, both to show a little composure and to get back to my light hearted self.....so any insight you all could give would be helpful!

[Chibby33]

Let me ask you this - who broke up with who? Once we find out, we can then establish the reasons behind the "random" sightings.

[Captain34]

she ended things

[Captain34]

Thanks for your kind words Ellie. I feel that I am at the point where some contact is ok, especially since we do have mutual friends and are likely to run into each other every so often. On the other hand, I think I'm going to play it safe and give it some more time.

 

Chibby, could I ask as to what you were trying to get at earlier when you wrote of "random" encounters? I'd really like some unbiased and honest input about these. I guess I'm looking for some sort of suddle information that gives the thought of breaking NC some creedence.

 

Currently I've just been waiting for a moment when I literally nump into her to be the first contact in a while. But I don't imagine a run in at a bar or among mutual friends is the best scenario for this...which mmakes me wonder what the best method to do so would be. I guess if I can be sure that things of late mean she's ready for some contact, I wouldn't have a problem giving her a call. But then again, why must I be the one to make that move?

 

Perhaps now even more confused...

[FCTex]

She's trying to get a rise out of you.

 

Second thoughts haunt everyone... She want to do whatever she couldnt with you, but still be around.

 

Some women are sick and get a kick out of watching from a distance.. The sighting sound far from random by the way.

 

As far as making contact. I wouldn't. If she broke up with you, she needs to take the step back into the box. Not you into hers. You need not wonder what her intentions are. If all she does is show up with her girlfriends, and mutual friends are the only ones doing the talking between the two of you. I'd just forget it.

 

Remember.. She walks first, she talks first. It's a rule I wished I had followed, and only learned this past year.

 

I take it from your post, you want to get back together, or that your open to the idea. Which is fine, but keep in mind all the alternatives.

[Captain34]

ahhh there is nothing better than responses from enotaloners who say it how they really think it is. plus, its a big help to see differences of opinion.

 

I'm gnna go ahead and say these sighting are far from random too. anyone disagree??

[joyce1412]

the way i see it, the biggest questions here are:

 

why do you want to know? why do you care?

 

captain, i've seen some of your posts before: complex play-by-plays of your encounters with the ex, your suspicions about what she's doing. she hasn't told you she wants to get back together with you, and you've already said you don't really want to get back together with her. so, why care in the first place? you are doing yourself a great disservice by agonizing over all of this stuff.

 

if she really has some crazy intentions for showing up at the same places as you, let her be crazy. you can't control what she does. but where are you going to get by psychoanalyzing her? and how are you ever going to know you've gotten a definitive answer? the questioning will never end.

 

should you reach out to her? no, i don't think you should. you should keep living your life as a single guy, and stop beating yourself up interpreting her every move.

 

if i could write you a prescription, it would be to take the time you're using to write these posts to go to the gym or go out drinking with all your friends. THAT will make you feel better. THIS won't. THIS is just going to rile you up and keep you in a pattern of being overly sensitive to what she does with her life. this is your life now, so carpe diem.

[Captain34]

Hey Joyce,

 

thanks for your offering your opinion, I do agree with a lot of what you say. Posting and reading these forums have been a great help, but sometimes I do feel like they keep me tied into the whole situation. Then again, I've made a strong and successful effort to drastically limit how much I speak about this situation with friends. These forums are my way to release and vent a bit, but I don't want to take that too far.

 

I should say that after 6 weeks NC I am feel so much better about this whole situation. Having that time and degree of separation has really brought down the level of focus and energy I put into thinking about all this. However, seeing my ex just this past weekend and what appears to be a change in her position has riled things up for me a bit. I guess that's why I've come back to posting again.

 

I see your point about not trying to analyze or read too much into things. It doesn't help that I approach dilemmas with the same pragmatic approach. As far as why I want to know...would I want to reconcile? I don't know and wouldn't make any conjectures about that until the option might be presented to me. But I still do care a great deal.

[FCTex]

Your in the same place I was.. less than a year ago..

 

Your on a see-saw.. Up and down. Up and down. You don't want her, and then you 'still care'. You might be open to the idea, and then you'll wait for the option..

 

You basically need to figure out what YOU want. She figured out she didn't want you. You figure out if you wish to make a second wave, or let the tide wash the mess out.

 

Your ever riding the fine line of feeling good, and feeling down.

 

Sure this place makes your mess seem like an ant hill, and makes going to sleep at night easier. But you do realize, and it took me a while myself.. that when you come here, and you over analyze every situation, you only keep the mess fresh.

 

My ex would play me like a fiddle.. She'd on a whime, change her tune, call me, see me, sleep with me, go on dates with me, even CHURCH with me and her family.. but in the morning.. we'd be back to where it was before. No calls, no contact, nothing. We'd fight a little, cry a little, and then it was a vicious cycle. I played her game. I jumped to see her. I'd be on this board every night, crying my eyes out. I'd be in bed at night sad as can be, praying, wishing, hoping and begging anyone to listen and to make my problems better.

 

But in reality, I wish I hadn't. It would have saved me months. 2 hurtful moments in my life, and ultimately it would have left well enough alone. I learned and saw more than I wish to know about my ex, alot that tarnished any tattered bit of respect I had for a person I would have once taken a bullet for.

 

Bottomline: Decide what you want. Act... Don't react to her, because you give her the intentions that what she's doing, regardless of motive, is always going to be reacted upon by you.

[Captain34]

had some time myself on a drive back from dinner with some friends. i'm at the point where I no longer feel devastated by losing her, and I know that I'll be fit as a fiddle regardless of how things turn out. but i do miss her. i still love her and miss looking into her eyes, being close. i miss the little things - it always seems to come down to those little things. but i do know that if anything will ever work out, she'll have to take the first big step towards me.

 

feeling the need for intimacy tonight made me want to step up my pursuit of some other women ive been talking to. ill do that. ive been intimate without a couple ladies since the breakup. its just tough because no matter how interested i am in someone else, it doesnt seem like i could find that sort of connection again very easily. guess im just gonna have to take a leap of faith and hope for the best.

 

keep your input coming enotaloners! its great when i log on and see that there have been a few replies.

 

best wishes to you all...

[joyce1412]

had some time myself on a drive back from dinner with some friends. i'm at the point where I no longer feel devastated by losing her, and I know that I'll be fit as a fiddle regardless of how things turn out. but i do miss her. i still love her and miss looking into her eyes, being close. i miss the little things - it always seems to come down to those little things. but i do know that if anything will ever work out, she'll have to take the first big step towards me.

 

okay captain, i think i understand you much better now. i couldn't understand why you cared so much about what she was doing when you claimed to not want her back--but now you're being honest. which is good.

 

now i see why you have been so affected by her actions: you still care. a lot. and you still want her back. a lot. yes, you'll be fine without her, but you haven't let go.

 

however, in a way my opinion on your situation hasn't changed. you need to detach. she certainly isn't making this easy for you, but you NEED to. you have to disentangle yourself from the madness if you're ever going to get used to single life, and then get used to the idea of being with another woman.

 

i totally know how you feel, captain. i have to hand it to anyone who can honestly say, "i wouldn't EVER take my ex back." also, since you have no other prospects, the thought of her is extra tempting. but i really hope you make a stronger effort to move on, and try to stay uninvolved with what she's doing or saying.

[Captain34]

Thanks for your input Joyce. I think I should be even clearer about where I am at...

 

I do have other prospects. There was a period when I didn't want to do squat, but I've been going out with friends and meeting new women for a while now. I've gone out on some dates and have a genuine interest in a couple other women. So I do have other prospects, and good ones to boot.

 

I do still love her. Am I sure that I want her back?? Honestly, not as sure as I had before, but thats because I didn't have the perspective then that NC has now given me. I really have let go in so many ways - I'd say I only think about all this no more than 25% of how much I did before NC. Which is a good thing.

 

Thing is I think about more when events thappen like the ones that have occurred recently. I guess I post about them because I would like some justification tha my reasoning is correct and no longer swayed heavily by emotion. There have been a lot of little things going on that say to me she hasn't let this thing go. I'm not assuming anything more than that, believe me I know what a mess doing so can create.

[FCTex]

Your right, she hasn't let it go. Both parties DON'T usually just let go, and forget. Some do, but it's premeditated. The fact she makes you assume she's not past this is, is just a facade. You need to step back, ignore that and realize that regardless of WHAT your trying to interpret, it's not up for interpretation. Nothing after a break up, should be assumed by anyone. Because it leads to mistakes, fights, and ill feelings, and even more problems.

 

A break up at the core, is cut and dry. End. Finito. Someones feelings and what they want, from the action, needs to be the same. Cut and Dry. Plain and Simple.

 

If she throws her body on you one night, professes her mistake, and her love for you. Sure, give it an open ear, but I certainly wouldn't go back soon.

 

As far dating others. It's a huge step. It's very awkward to get intimate with someone new after a long relationship, and to try and share what you gave to only one person just days/months ago. Just take it slow, and move past.

 

The fact that you can sit down, and break it all apart and figure out what YOU want from this, is what needed to be done.

 

It's okay to love her still, and to care and to miss those little things. They will fade with time, but true love will never be forgotten, so don't beat yourself up when time passses and you still hold some of that in your heart.

 

It's also natural to have any little thing or occurrence remind you, like all these unrandom sightings.

 

For the time being, I'd suggest personally to just get away from it all. Continue like you have, and turn a blind eye and deaf ear to any more of these "random" dealings with your ex, AND her friends..

 

Go out for drinks with some new ladies and friends, and kick back.

[Captain34]

Figuring out what I want is difficult. I do know that I want to open a dialogue with her, especially because we have mutual friends and live in the same area. Question is whether I should stick with NC until I run into her or just give her a ring. I want the opportunity to decide to take her back or not, but I can't say for sure until I can look into those gorgeous eyes of her and listen to what she has to say.

 

I still love this girl, but I need to make clear I'm not hurting that badly. Sometimes I'll have a hard couple of minutes, but usually when I let my mind wander to the situation I look at it with a level head. I guess it helps to have already gotten back together with this girl after a previous breakup.

 

Ran into a girl last night who is an acquaintance of my ex - one of the girls she was out with when I saw her the other night. THis girl seemed very interested, there was a good vibe going. Don't know if it would be a good idea to have a little fling with her because she knows my ex, and because I'm not head over heels for her. But I have put myself back in the game and I have no problem with a little fling here and there. I couldn't help noticing that she kept sending text messages all night. Can't assume to who, but if its to her good friend who's a huge gossip then l wouldn't be surprised if rumors start spreading.

 

 

Should I get in touch with my ex? Its to the point hwere I can handle that for sure, and I don't want to be strictly NC when truth is I'd still like to be on better terms. Also, I feel like I may be allowing my ex to influence some of my actions. By that I mean considering her feelings and reactions to what I do. I think it's important to be considerate, I just don't want to go overboard. I try to do right by people, but with my ex sometimes I feel like I'm putting myself second.

[Captain34]

had a paradigm shift over the last couple days, kinda just came out of the blue. NC has done me well, but the whole NC concept is getting old. ive healed to the point where i dont need to focus on not contacting my ex. i would enjoy a good conversation with her - there was nothing better than making her laugh. i just dont need to contact my ex. recently third parties having been mudd raking the whole situation to the front of my attention. plus, my ex has started attending places where she knows I might very well be at. I've been tryin to look at these things, plus other bits of information i pick up here and there to come to some conclusion to where her and i currently stand. i ask myself if its time now to rekindle a friendship?

 

but you know what? its not that its difficult to read someone that i have stopped doing so - i think i am keen on pegging people. rather, its because it doesnt matter where she stands. it matters not where i stand either. it matters where I am going.

 

they say is you love something, let it go - if it comes back to you, its yours. Not a bad statement. I've gained peace of mind knowing that if there was a true, deep connection there, it will resurface as a friendship somewhere down the line. I might be foolish for believeing that I can influence how things play out in the future, but I do. I'm not one to stand aside and watch fate play its course. And I have always prided myself in the fact that I never, ever, ever quit. But I've learned in many ways over the past months that walking away when the time is right is far from quitting.

 

 

Believe me I do care. I care that much. They way I see it,

 

If you love someone, let them go.

[FCTex]

You want her back, plain and simple. It's obvious in your tone, and the fact you seem to put up with all the drama from her lately.

 

You didn't let the one you love go.. She let you go, and it doesn't mean she loves you bud. You have to be realistic about things.

 

 

I feel like I'm a great reader of a persons' personality and the things they'd most likely do/say. I know more about my ex than ANYONE in her life, even still now. I know more than I SHOULD know about her.. But trust me, people make your eyes open wider when you delve deep into a situation that you should have left alone..

 

I'm not saying pursue any of the following ideas you've had. And I'm not even saying that so quickly your "healed" and don't need NC. I'm just speaking from opinion, based on others and myself included, who after more than a year... yes, a YEAR.. Finally feel the lifted weight of the chains.

 

I had a 1.5 year relationship, and I feel that as much time as it took to build it, I'll probably need about the same amount of time to break it down inside myself fully. I'm fine where I am now, I'm fine talking to my ex. I don't start anything with her, I don't try and see her, and I don't attempt to have any sort of contact with her on any regular basis.

 

 

However.. in your case, I strongly urge you to slow down and think about YOU. From what you've told everyone, I certainly don't feel like she's in the position of wanting to get back with you any time soon.

 

 

Stay strong.

[Captain34]

its late, ve been drinking, its time for bed. cant wait to fill you all in on what happened tonight. amoresde mercado??? haha, inside joke, my ex is puerto rican

[FCTex]

Loves market?

 

In any case, re-read my post- Keep it real.

[Captain34]

Wow. What a weekend. I had the feeling I would run into her. But this was crazy.

 

Friday night a friend of mine had a bday dinner. His gf is good friends with my ex. I didn't end up going, but a close friend of mine who came into town did. Turns out my ex went as well. I was fairly surprised about that. Anyways later on I headed over to the old frat house, chilled with some peepz including the bday boy. His gf showed up, 15 mins later myself and about 10 other people headed over to the bar. I was first out the door, and OF COURSE, my ex is walking in with her gf. She smiles wide and gives me a big hug, says hello. I do the same and continue heading outside. I say hello to her friend on the way out, her firend then asks me if "I have a pencil, for her hair?"...I think she was just trying to slow me down.

 

Fast forward. 20 minutes later my ex and her friend comes to the bar we are all at. She is all done up, looks over all night. Eventually she comes over to try and talk me up but I happen to be talkin to a girl my friend is into. So my ex leaves...or at least I thought so. She was just outside talking to some friends, I could see them when I went to order a drink. Anyway, my ex comes back in and eventually works her way to sit down with me. I broke the ice and made her laugh are youuuuuuuuuuu doing?". We had a nice talk, she kept drinking out of my drink. A guy came up to speak with her, while he did I talked to a friend next to me. The whole time this guy was there she was drinking out of my drink, sending signals she was with me..Also started talking about someo of the love lifes of our mutual friends. Mentioned how our mutual friend had no game, but the girl who he was kinda seeing "wanted to have his children". Don't know if her words about these other people were her way of talking about us indirectly. To spare details, I got the vibe that we had in the past. We spoke for maybe 10 minutes, I felt the convo hit its peak, so I kissed her on the cheek said goodbye and leeft with a friend. After leaving another bar later on I smiled at a group of girls who looked somewhat familiar. After I walked by I heard them saying they should tell my ex - they said her name, its fairly unique.

 

Ok, next day I see that there are pics posted of my ex online - some of her posing with her gf's while getting ready, some with all my boys she went to dinner with. Then a mutual friend of ours asks how I am... come to find out my ex talked to him online and said she was gonna drink hard that night, the last night had been rough. She had been following me around!

 

Next night went out with the boys again. Saw some of the ex's friends, they seemed to be watching me a bit. Bout midnight or so I head bcak to the same bar as the previous night. Walk in and am spotted by my ex's roommate. I grab a drink and sit down thinking my ex is already there. Turns out she came by about 15 minutes later by herself. I was sitting with some friends, talking with the girl who I posted about earlier...and acquaintance of my ex. My ex walks by, sees me, gets wide eyed, then gives this other girl a big hug, says hello for a minute, then walks away. Later on I run into my ex by the restroom, she gives me a quick hug. She also seemed to try and flirt a bit in front of me later on in the night. I saw her leave the bar before me.

 

I feel like the door has been opened for me to do my thing and work some game...but the thing is I don't want to do this just to get my head messed with. But I also don't want to shy away and make it seem like im not interested or intimidated.

 

Alright, that's a long story but I had to get it out! Haven't talked about this at all this weekend, but I've been dying to. Any thoughts from you all, especially considering the recent history I've posted about. I love this girl, want to see what we might be able to work out. Does it seem like she is putting herself out there to see if I'll chase her? Damn it was hard to fight the urge to go up and lay one on her, I'm not the type that likes to beat around the bush. Even if she is putting herswelf out there, should I wait for more?

 

Damn, need some input people!

[FCTex]

Glad that felt good to get out, it's a head rush to sit and ponder all the options isn't it?

 

So you've narrowed it down, and even if you didn't say it, you can tell by your posts, that your still hurt by it all. You don't have to hide it or deny it. It hasn't been that long, and you obviously enjoy still seeing her and jump at any chance too, yet your obviously trying to play it cool.

 

From what it sounds like, she's not putting herself out there. If she broke up with you, and wants to reconcile, I believe she'd down right bring it up. Any girl who breaks up with you, but seems to be "everywhere you are" is just a girl playing mind games, and someone who wants drama.

 

She's dramatic, and you seem to like it too..

 

Really you have two options left at this point.

 

Continue to persue other women, and better yourself OR ; Bite the bullet, give in, and ask for another chance.

 

It sounds like eitheir she's playing games, or she's really just wanting to keep a close friendship, and nothing more. You can never tell until she says so.

 

Now, I know you might think my opinion of this is harsh, but I've been there, and did this, and while I couldn't let the "what ifs" rule me, I went for it, and fell. It's worth a shot. Love always is, but be prepared for the worst and never let your hopes get too high. I personally think she's playing games, otherwise she'd be more blunt about wanting to fix a serious relationship. It sounds like your still hooked, and for what it's worth, could be playing up any of these meetings into something they arent.

 

I thought all the late night meetings with my ex, the sex, the dinners, and the movies..The outings with her family, and all the other things we did after our break up. Even down to eating and drinking each others things.. Helping each other.. it still didn't mean a thing.

 

She'd burn CD's, unlock my truck with the door code, and put notes and CD's with sappy emo/punk music in my truck.. For no reason. I could easily think she was trying to get closer to me, but no, I was wrong.

 

 

Tread easy. But basically if you can't live without knowing what could have happened, go for it. Your only prolonging your agony by playing with her games. If she's for real, then its fantastic and I'm jealous. If it's temporary, then you know that it wont' work after that. If she shoots it down, then you really know that she was playing games and needs to take a hike.

 

Go for it.. Drown the 'what ifs'. If you love her, follow your heart and ask her heart to heart what she wants to do. If she hesistates, or gives you an "I don't know." or a "I want to be friends right now."

 

Walk away. FAST.

[Captain34]

It was good to vent. It did make me think about things, but I didn't ponder like I had in the past. Hard to explain...I guess before I was pondering every detail and trying to determine what was teh right move to make. Now I think about it less, have only been pondering around the times things have flared up, but now I am just waiting to see how everything naturally plays out.

 

I'm still sore about some things that went down but I'm not hurting very much. Its rather been an anxious feeling, especially this weekend. When I saw her on Friday I felt I was composed. I've even had some friends comment that I played it very cool. One friend even sent me a text while I was talking to her that he saw how she worked through the people I was out with to talk with me. And the next night I saw her I held back from approaching her. Trust me, I wanted to. I had the biggest urge to walk over and talk her up a bit, especially because of the prior night. She looked damn good too. I've known her a long time, I can tell when she goes the extra mile when she gets done up. It was damn good to see her, but it was a lot for one weekend after 6 weeks NC. I didn't profess my love and I wasn't cold as ice. i think I played it coool haha

 

WE broke up the end of June/early July. THere was LC back then, at times too much from me. That period is a whole nother story. I started after we last spoke on the phone.

 

She is putting herself out there - just not enough. But the thing is, I'm going to be patient. I'm not gonna push it in any direction, I'm not going to wait and see what happens...but if something does it'll catch my attention. She has obviously made the effort to see me and talk with me. Its not always easy to bring it all out at first. In any case I'm glad that amiable relations were established.

 

She's not purposefully trying to get at me. I think she really wonders now if I still love her. Trust me I crossed oceans for this girl in the past - the 6 weeks NC that just ended was the longest since I met her a couple years ago. We had LC maybe once a week or so during a prior breakup. I even stopped going on the facebook because dissecting that bullsh*t was bugging me out.

 

I guess you could call her dramatic. I just like her style...

 

 

I'm pursuing other women, just no longer to make myself feel better about the breakup. I am definitely not going to ask her for another chance. I'm not perfect and I strive to improve, but I'm not going to ask that. She walked away, so she's going to have to take the first few big steps towards me.

 

I'm not saying this weekend is an indication of her wanting to get back together. But it does mean a marked improvement in our relations. When the time is right I'll do whats got to be done. Just going to be patient and let the situation be dictated by her efforts for a while.

[FCTex]

Your story is really interesting, and I hope it works out for the best for you. But it just reminded me of so much, that I'm just kinda like sitting here jumping up and down trying to scream MOVE ON to you.

 

It hasn't be an awfully long time since your break up, and from the sounds of it, your lack of contact has been far and few. Not to mention, it even sounds like your trying to interpret her actions, and make a story for her.

 

Your not here to sell her alibis and lies to you.. You don't need to stand up for her. I used to do that in a TON of my posts. Tell me one thing I'd defend her. No way she'd do that, or say that, or act like that.

 

But guess what.. She did, she said, and she sure as hell acted like that.

 

It's basically, ride the ride, or get the hell off. She's not doing anything for you but making you wait. Wait till the weekend when you will "randomly" see her, and wait for your friends, and her friends to talk the situation up, and to wait to see what you or her will do. The instant you react to something, the flames will flare up, and might be back at square one.

 

Save your anxiety, and your heartache and headaches. Do what you want to do. If you want to work it out, tell her. Man up, be the go get-er. Otherwise, grab some beers, and go serious NC. She's a game player.

[Captain34]

first breakup was on her terms. I deserved it and I think it was a good thing. Madewe open my eyes to things with her but more importantly was a catalyst for me to take a hard look at myself. I felt guilty after that breakp.

 

This one is different. Perhaps I'm foolish for even considering a possible reconciliation, bu the fact is that this past breakup was much different. It was much more mutual than either of us initially realized.

 

I don't want to sit around waiting, but I have had to get a lot of this out these past couple weeks. Like I said, she's gotta do more. I'm not worried about what I need to do.

 

Crazy thing is that since I have really made the effort to begin moving on, my ex has started coming closer. But at the same time a lot of other women are showing interest. I'm reciprocating a bit because its nice to have a lady to chat up whenever you head out somewhere. I'm not at the point though where I want to get into some fling - if things could work out with the ex then the flings wouldnt be worth it. I am however going to continue to see what develops with two other ladies who I can see as potentially relationship worthy.

 

That's the key man, not to react! It's fine to feel this or that way, but you gotta stay composed in these situations. That is what NC has given me.

 

Thanks for continuing to give your input FCTex, its much appreciated. We seem to be on similar pages which means your advice usually hits home. And I do hate it when one of my buddies brings my ex up when we're out drinkin haha.

 

I see what you are saying about finding a conclusion to the whole matter. You're right, I gotta make that happen sooner or later. I just think I need to see more before thats even worth my effort.

[FCTex]

Very understandable.. Don't get me wrong, when I say I know how it feels, I do.. very much so..

 

It's like a middle of the road thats so uncomfortable sometimes, yet so comforting to even BE in the middle of the road it all. Make sense?

 

Your right, your ex has to do more. The fact you've broken up twice, isn't a great thing, but then again sometimes it's nothing. But remember, this isn't really on you, so much as to decide what you want.

 

As far as other women. When you project confidence, and even a little attitude that you CAN have any woman in the bar or club, they sense that, even if you really can't. When I had my break up. I dated like a mad man, almost being an abusive dater. I was seeing 3-5 different women, in a 7 day span. Breaking dates and making new ones, and I had atleast 3 chompin' at the bit to make dates. I slept with 2 of them, and quickly ended everything when my ex and I started talking again.

 

I felt empty and felt like I wasn't finding anything worthwhile. I made excuses on here, to my friends, my family, my co-workers.. Everyone that knew anything, I was defending her. I had to quit it. She was feeding me a bunch of * * * * and I was eating it and asking for seconds!

 

 

I think you need to have some serious non-alcoholic, non-public talk with your ex. Not AIM, not myspace, not facebook, not between phones or anything. Face to face.. If she won't step up to you, and you feel you have something worth working on, then pull her up to bat, and make her swing.. If she can't, dude, I'm telling you from one man to another, cut your loss. Live and learn, Love and lose, and move on!

 

Like your last sentence. If you haven't found more reasons for your effort, then your done.. Whats keeping you in such a limbo, without those reasons? What if they never come.. Or come in 2 years? Will you still be sitting on the couch at the house with your frat brothers around you, wondering when your phone will vibrate with a text message asking you to come over?

 

I think not. You need to be out, finding a girl that plays beer pong.

[Captain34]

So I ran into her again last night. A mutual friend of ours moved accross the country today so a group of his friends got together to have some fun before he left.

 

She showed up towrds the end of the night, mentioned to everyone she was late because she had an exam today...which she hadn't studied for. I asked her about her class and we spoke briefly. Some of the other poeple in the room are aware we are broken up, one guy even made a point to say she could sit down next to him accross the room. She didn't she sat down just a couple feet away from me. I eventually went outside to have a cigareete with a couple guys. She then came outside to leave and didn't say goodbye to anyone(except the guy going away, inside). She did pause briefly near me on the steps though, I think she may have wanted me to approach her.

 

I spoke with another mutual friend later that night, he said that he had lunch with her earlier in the day. He said that she had mentioned that she hadn't had much of a love life recently, that she had met someone at a club a fw weeks back and was interested but it didnt work out. THis friend of mine who has known her longer but is closer with me mentioned that she had unfinished business with me. He asked me if I stayed in town for her and I said no. He also asked what good a one night fling would do - I told him nothing. Tried to explain that if thats what I wanted I wouldnt be trying to be so patient. I would either like this to work out LT or not at all, thats why I'm waiting for more to come from her at this point. Both my ex and I come from families with divorced parents and I have always recognized that this has affected my ex, seemingly making her afraid to commit. But this mutual friend who had lunch with my ex brought up this point specifically. His advice was to not focus on the past or to try and get into deep convos with her about it, just to have fun with her when I see her. I think he is trying to play the role as the mediator who doesn't report 100% of what he other side has been saying.

 

So tahts the update. I do just want to chill out and have some fu with her - I wuold want to take it slow if things were to work out. On the other hand seeing her drives me crazy, I just want to pick her up and carry her straight home haha. Thankfully my slef control is pretty good with this.

 

So I'm still thinking about how to play things, gonna just be patient and wait and see I guess. I have the urge to call her up and invite her over to see my new place, but I have the funny feeling like it isnt time yet.