Big mistake?

[sagirl]

Hi everyone

 

Ok, so I think I might have just made a huge mistake.

 

Anyone following my posts will know the ups and down that have been going on. The plot thickens.

 

Last week the ex and I had a really bad day on Friday. Huge arguments, was very bad. At the end of the day, I got an appology (of sorts). Since then there has been contact everyday, mostly initiated by him.

 

Saturday -he came round to see kids at 10:30pm!

Sunday - we went to watch him play football (he asked us)

Monday - he came round again (not even a pretense of seeing kids!)

 

Then came Tuesday. He had kids overnight, there was something i forgot to pack that one of the kids needed for school. When I phoned the kids to say goodnight, I asked him if he wanted me to drop the thing off, I was going out anyway. He said to bring it over. I got there, was offered a glass of wine. The kids were still up, we all watched a dvd together. They went to bed and the wine kept flowing. We had a great night, talking rubbish, talking a little about us (not initiated by me), generally had a good talk about everything and anything. Anyway, 4 bottles of wine and a few hours later (in the morning) we woke up, both together on the couch (nothing happened). Kids woke up, saw I was still there, didnt even bat an eye. Weird!

 

Wednesday - Had AIM conversation, spoke on phone, had a laugh about night before.

Thursday - No contact

Friday - Phone conversation

Today - Phoned in the morning to say he coming over. Came over, great conversation about the last few days, he said how great Tuesday night was. He left. He phoned again in afternoon, had conversation.

 

Ok, so we reach tonight. I know he is out tonight, I just don't know if he has company or not (if you know what I mean). I had a struggle with my conscience, tossed a coin and sent him a text. Very general, nothing suggestive or mentioning "us". Just saying that I am having a couple drinks on my own, kids in bed, does he fancy joining me for one.

 

I sent it 45 minutes ago, no reply yet. I dont suppose I am really expecting one. Have I screwed up?:splat:

[Crazyaboutdogs]

No I don't think you messed up. Given the signals that were going back and forth, I think it was natural. You don't know where he is but he doesn't necessarily have a date. He could be out with friends, he could be home and just not responding (some people like to make others jealous and think something is going on when nothing is). You did fine, don't worry.

[sagirl]

Thanks.

 

I do know he is out though. I have my spies! I dont know if you are familiar with my posts, but the ex has a new gf. Has has for approx 4 months. There was no contact on Thursday night because she was with him.

 

I was thinking I have been reading the signals right, however every time I think that, something happens to ruin it.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I looked through your posts. It looks like he is playing with both you and his girlfriend. That is not fair to either of you. It is difficult because you have kids but can you insist that the only contact you have with him is related to the kids. He is doing everything at his convenience. That is not right.

[sagirl]

Viper

 

Wish I could "fugghedaboutit".

That would have made the last 6 months a little easier. LOL!

[sagirl]

Crazyaboutdogs -

 

I think this very often!

Every time we have "bad days", argue or whatever, I always swear NC. It works for a while until I stop being mad at him. The longest I managed was 8 days, I am really proud of that.

 

I know this will probably sound really lame, but it seems to be different this time. (you are thinking Yeah yeah). I never can tell though! I am so scared to think positively because I am so sick of going from ceiling to floor, but this week is far better than anything there has been so far. I have tried to analyse everything from loads of angles. It seems to come up trumps everytime. Is it wishful thinking?

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Sometimes you just have to go with your gut. In many cases, the relationship after a breakup doesn't work out. Maybe he is slowly finding his way back to you. Just be careful and go slow. Only time will tell. Don't put yourself out there completely. Let him come to you. Definitely don't kiss him passionately or have sex with him unless he has completely broken it off with his girlfriend. It seems to me from your other posts that he is on this whirlwind with this woman. He will eventually come crashing down to reality. Maybe he already is starting to see that things aren't so rosy with someone else.

[sagirl]

Since I had my psychotic stalkerish episode at the beginning, I have tried to play it cool. While I was doing everything in my power to get him back, he was only pushed further away. Once I realised I was doing it all wrong, he started running to me making contact. Still nothing concrete though, as he is still with gf.

 

All the best advice so far has been to let him do the running. This seems to have worked. It kills him when there is no contact by me. He makes up the silliest reasons to make contact, asks the stupidist questions to ensure a reply.

 

As much as I would kill to have him back, I will be strong enough to let nothing happen between us until he has gotten rid of her completely. I could never let myself be the other woman. Even though there has been so much contact between us, I have been very good. I make sure to never bring up the relationship. I make sure everything is kept light, just fun easy conversation.

 

My friends have agreed with me regarding this last week, although it is always good to receive views from the outside. My friends are a little close to the situation to give objective advice. I sometimes think they say what they think I want to hear. I would hope they are being honest with me, they always say they are. I guess I am so wrapped up in everything, I sometimes dont even hear what they are saying to me, my mind never stops churning everything. Phew! That is a hard one to admit.

[sagirl]

So, no reply lastnight. Was starting to think I had messed up big time!

 

I got one this morning though, all jokey so i didnt upset him. That is good. He was very open with me about what he was up to last night, where he was etc. I am really glad I didnt follow up with more texts after not getting a reply. There has been a bit of banter this morning between us, all is good and light. So at least I know I did no damage.

 

The game of NC begins again I suppose, until the next time.