how to tell if someone is using you?

[Josh30041]

I have this problem of not always being able to tell if someone is using me. Have gotten slammed in the face before cause of this.. SO how can I tell if someone is using me or not?

 

Thanks

[sumguy]

Unfortunately it's very hard. Users have had a lot of practice, usually they can emulate friendship very well until they get what they want out of you, then you find yourself dropped.

 

If someone's always asking you for favours, never picks up the tab, you're always initiating contact and making plans and acts distantly towards you when you bump into them on the street, then it's likely that you're being used.

 

Also, a user will almost uniformally use phrases like: "I thought we were friends" or "Don't you like me anymore" when you refuse to do something for them, guilt is their weapon, and they weild it like a club.

 

But even remembering all that, it's hard to differentiate a friend for a user, the only real way to tell is Hindsight, which is always 20/20.

[House]

Unfortunately it's very hard. Users have had a lot of practice, usually they can emulate friendship very well until they get what they want out of you, then you find yourself dropped.

 

If someone's always asking you for favours, never picks up the tab, you're always initiating contact and making plans and acts distantly towards you when you bump into them on the street, then it's likely that you're being used.

 

Also, a user will almost uniformally use phrases like: "I thought we were friends" or "Don't you like me anymore" when you refuse to do something for them, guilt is their weapon, and they weild it like a club.

 

But even remembering all that, it's hard to differentiate a friend for a user, the only real way to tell is Hindsight, which is always 20/20.

 

Well now that really depends. Some people don't feel like or know that they are using others, but because of their insecurities actually are. There was a girl who I'd gotten to become good friends with. She had a b/f, they were having troubles and so she turned to me for comfort. When she told me she liked me and things went haywire, I felt like I had been used. She had used me to feel right about what was going wrong in her relationship (I think, I have never truly found out).

 

Other people will always ask you for things. If you give it to them once, they'll expect it from you many times in the future. I'm nice and usually will give someone something, but eventually there will be a line to be drawn between simple friendly help and being used. Usually you can feel that line, you know when too much is being asked of you.

 

It really is hard to tell... you just feel it I guess. Sometimes it's your closest friends too, which is the worst part.

[confused25]

Someone that demands you always being there for them, but when you needed them, they are no where to be found . . .

[vermilion]

But even remembering all that, it's hard to differentiate a friend for a user, the only real way to tell is Hindsight, which is always 20/20.

 

Haha, the hindsight bias, learned that in Psych the other day. And it couldn't be more true.

 

Yeah, well, I'm the same way. I have a hard time telling when I'm being used.

 

More often it's with guys.

 

But with friends it's usually because I have a hot brother or cousin and the girl "hanging out" with me will always ask about him. And when he gets a g/f she's suddenly not talking to me anymore.

 

And I'm a nerd so I have people that try to cheat off of me, and when I say no I get the cheesy, overused, "Some friend you are."

 

I'd say that stupid line is a big flashing sign that you're being used.

[Josh30041]

well this all makes sense now. thanks.