2 weeks and still hurting

[Biffy]

I haven't posted much on here but I've read a lot of what you guys have been saying and have found it really helpful so thank you.

 

My girl dumped me two weeks ago for fairly generic reasons - I'm too good for her, I deserve more, she needs to be on her own, not ready for a relationship etc etc. Since she text me a lot and emailed me telling me she misses me and trying to chat to me like nothing had happened. This prompted me to demand to know where I stood and she said then that she loves me but doesn't think we'll get back together.

 

At this point I told her to stop contacting me... which she did for a day or two - my responses then hardened and have now stopped and we haven't had contact for about a week.

 

It's particularly difficult for me as I work with her so I see her every day and it's just killing me although I'm putting on a brave face and acting like all is right with the world but the stress of it has led me to taking the rest of this week off, basically to avoid her.

 

The thing is I still desperately want her back and even though she said she doesn't think we'll get back together I'm still holding onto the hope that we will - maybe because of the rubbish reasons she gave for the break up and I keep thinking she said we wouldn't because I pressurised her into a decision and she's still undecided.

 

It's better when I'm not at work and have to see her so maybe this time off will help.

[Closure]

If it's effected you so badly time off won't help because you have to go back and any progress you've made will be brought back.

 

Personally, i'd look for a different job.

 

Hardcore NC seem's to be the way to go, you've spoken to her and asked where you stand and she's told you.

 

Time to draw a line under it.

[Biffy]

Thanks closure, I'm sure you're right.

 

2 more questions -

 

1. When does one collect their stuff from the ex's place and how do they go about it considering they are maintaining NC??

 

2. I got a friend to get my now ex a signed photo of her favourite singer... he mailed it to me today... do I burn it and send her the ashes or do I remind her of how good a boyfriend I was by letting her have it?

[NJRon]

Did you ever discuss *why* she wanted to break up? I mean, if she felt that way... surely there were actual reasons behind them.

 

1. Have a friend call her and arrange to go pick up the stuff...

2. Either keep it, or sell it, or give it to her... don't do anything like burn it, as that just reflects poorly on you.

[Biffy]

Yeah, I asked why she wanted to split up and she said that she didn't think she felt the way she should about me, I asked how she should feel about me and she said she didn't know.

 

She's basically very confused about what she wants in her life and she was in this position with her previous boyfriend but persevered with the relationship until he cheated on her...

 

I don't know whether I'm paying the price for her ex's dishonesty or not... I really am clueless as to why she doesn't want to be with me - I can honestly say that I couldn't have treated her better or been more open and honest with her if I tried.

[NJRon]

I find that, more often than not, we bear the brunt of the weight of those who came before us. Nothing we can really do, except our best to try and not do the same. I think when someone says that they don't feel how they think they should feel, but they don't know how they should feel... then that is a pretty good indication of confusion. I guess that, if there is anything she isn't confused about, it's that she doesn't want to be with you. For whatever reason.. and she may never even know why. I would let go of any hope that is not about you moving on in a healthy way.

[Biffy]

I know you're right but this hope of reconciliation keeps creeping back into my head.

[NJRon]

It will until you let go. It's a tricky little thing... sometimes you think you have and you still haven't. But, to stop hoping to get together again is the first step in moving on.