I'm so jealous of all of you people

[tmp0620]

I'm so jealous of all of you people and your relationships. I don't really know a single human being aside from my parents. I'm not exaggerating. I can't start relationships of any kind. I can usually keep myself occupied enough to not worry about it, but sometimes reality hits me like a ton of bricks (and it really hurts): I realize that I will, in all likelihood, live out the rest of my life alone. I have no idea how or why this has happened to me but it's ridiculous and no one should live this way. There are people I can call and do things with but, for whatever reason, I'm not even remotely interested in hanging out with or talking to other guys for the most part.

[Dako]

I wouldn't throw in the towel at 20.

If you were 40, I'd wonder about you, but at 20, things are just starting.

Work or school can bring some real changes.

 

BTW, have you noticed the downside of relationships?

[Momene]

Remember that not all relationships are happy ones. Just check out the Relationships board. Mine is "mostly happy" but I get the odd wobbly from time to time that is very unpleasant. If I ever find myself alone again, it is unlikely that I will pursue a relationship again but then I have had the experience of having had a family life.

 

The greatest person in my life is my daughter.

[tmp0620]

I wouldn't throw in the towel at 20.

If you were 40, I'd wonder about you, but at 20, things are just starting.

Work or school can bring some real changes.

 

BTW, have you noticed the downside of relationships?

 

I'm not gonna give up on life or anything like that (though it's been tempting at times - never attempted suicide or anything). Although you're right in that I'm early on in my life, being me right now hurts and there's no way for me to get around it. Being in the position I'm in I end up asking questions of myself wondering what it is about me, exactly, that repels people and relationships from me.

 

Relationships can create drama and pain... but they can also create joy and happiness... (right?). Both options are better than being completely lonely and not feeling either.

 

Let me put it this way: I would rather 5 people hate my guts and let me know everyday than have no interaction with anyone. As it is it seems I'm not even worth hating.

[Spugly Fuglet]

all you have done is see that you need to meet new mates, so next thing to do is find a job or activities that let you do just that, in the uk we have clubs and football, out door games. Collage and universitys then theres pubs and bands all 20 year old do seems to be meet up in groups and have fun. With me it was motoabikes had some grate mates and we would do long rides out just for fun. weekends away, also week end rock festivals are fun.

 

so get out there and seebwhats going down.

[Dako]

I was very lonely at 20, and never dreamed I'd be close to a girl. I was sure I was too defective. It really sucks to feel that way.

 

Like Spugly, I got into motorbikes, music, books and other pursuits to grow out of my rut and explore.

[tmp0620]

I'm actually attending bartending school right now to try to at least help solve this problem. Thing is though, I noticed (and this is always the case) that everyone at the school managed to get to know each other a bit except for me. I played team sports in highschool, and it was the same story: people don't talk to me, and it's hard for me to talk to people because I tend to have trouble relating to anyone. I'm usually very good at talking to girls, and making them laugh... when I get the chance (I also often feel like I'm too defective to ever be in a relationship though). Which is basically never. I'm on a soccer team now that plays every monday, wednesday and saturday, and usually have no trouble talking to my teammates... as long as it's about soccer...

[Dako]

...the same story: people don't talk to me, and it's hard for me to talk to people because I tend to have trouble relating to anyone. .

 

Seems like a viscious circle.

People don't talk to you because you don't talk to people, so people don't talk to you, because...

 

Keep that up, and you'll never change things. It's not who you are, it's what you do that interests people.

[doyathink]

IL how long ago was your last relationship? Have you ever had one?

[tmp0620]

IL how long ago was your last relationship? Have you ever had one?

 

Romantic relatioship? Never had one. Never even been close.

 

Friendship? It's been a good 3 or 4 years.

[tmp0620]

Seems like a viscious circle.

People don't talk to you because you don't talk to people, so people don't talk to you, because...

 

Keep that up, and you'll never change things. It's not who you are, it's what you do that interests people.

 

A lot of times I feel like people would rather I didn't talk to them.

[FortunateOne]

I used to have the same issue and it hit me that I was too negative in the vibe I gave off. Once I changed that in me women gravitated towards me, then again your in OC Cali. LA and OC are way too difficult to meet women since their cought up in the "social status" game. Unless your a big player it's tough to play that game. When I live in San Diego in my 20's women where a lot more open and way less "stuck up" about talking and relating to men. Just a thought.

[FortunateOne]

I used to have the same issue and it hit me that I was too negative in the vibe I gave off. Once I changed that in me women gravitated towards me, then again your in OC Cali. LA and OC are way too difficult to meet women since their cought up in the "social status" game. Unless your a big player it's tough to play that game. When I live in San Diego in my 20's women where a lot more open and way less "stuck up" about talking and relating to men. Just a thought.

 

By the way I used to live in Costa Mesa 12 years so I understand the dilema.

[tmp0620]

I used to have the same issue and it hit me that I was too negative in the vibe I gave off. Once I changed that in me women gravitated towards me, then again your in OC Cali. LA and OC are way too difficult to meet women since their cought up in the "social status" game. Unless your a big player it's tough to play that game. When I live in San Diego in my 20's women where a lot more open and way less "stuck up" about talking and relating to men. Just a thought.

 

Tons of truth in that I think. It's kinda sad. I'm seriously considering moving to Europe so maybe that would help me out. Who knows?

[doyathink]

Well I was also wondering the kind of vibes you give off too. Can you make the initial approach and when you do, show some confidence about yourself...see what happens.

[tmp0620]

Well I was also wondering the kind of vibes you give off too. Can you make the initial approach and when you do, show some confidence about yourself...see what happens.

 

I can't make the initial approach. I'm not full of confidence. I can't stand the idea that I'm competing with other guys. If I ever do end up talking with a girl I tend to get along with her better than I do with guys.

[doyathink]

your a good lookin guy IL, why are you having these inferior problems?

[tmp0620]

your a good lookin guy IL, why are you having these inferior problems?

 

I was never really able to fit in when I was growing up. That really takes its toll I think. Everyone else I grew up with was able to build up confidence over the years through their relationships and support and I wasn't. I sorta just watched everyone from the sidelines.

[Dako]

Me too, and I imagined everyone else had it made.

[doyathink]

But the only reason they had it made is because they stepped forth and took it.

[Dako]

Or I just imagined I was the only miserable guy, and there were others, like IL

[tmp0620]

But the only reason they had it made is because they stepped forth and took it.

 

Right, but that takes confidence

[tmp0620]

Or I just imagined I was the only miserable guy, and there were others, like IL

 

I'm certainly not claiming that I'm the only person with this problem, if that's what you mean?

[doyathink]

only a little tho!

[FortunateOne]

Right, but that takes confidence

 

 

The way I overcame my self confidence issue was to quit denying the fact that I grew up alone with out a father figure to show me the ropes. Once I confronted that, among other childhood issues, I was able to walk around with my head up high and as a humbly proud man I wanted to become. That sense of purpose is what game me a drive that's made what I'm today. This purpose translate into a confidence that attracts healthy women and thereforeeee healthy relationships. And by relationships I don't mean a Booty call, I mean a deep care for the females of our human race. When you project that sense that you care and need women in a loving way as a part of your life they will find that irresistible. This my friend is a very intense ability that one needs to not corupt. This why I suggest to stablish moral character.