Confused on what to do....

[super_dave0001]

ok ok i no about the whole NC n i tried to do it, i failed, a meeeessslly 2 days then i gave in..... i asked her on msn wut she was doing that night and she told me none of my bussiness... i said sorry i cant even ask a question.... and she told me after she was going out with friends.... she dosent seem to have a problem not contacting me, it seems like she wants nothing to do with me... always giving me attitude whenever i try to ask sumtin... but me on the other hand, im too weak its way to hard to sit here and watch her name on msn say things like "had an awsome time last night" or "if socailizing was a subject id be an A+ student"

 

no contact is super hard for me, we were together 6 years and she suddenly said to me she didnt feel it anymore and wanted to be by herself.... it seems like this break up isnt effecting her at all... but its hard to say cause she wont talk to me and her friends wont tell me anything, they just say give her her space... id love to be able to get out and do stuff meet new ppl, but my friends work alot, or have gf's of there own, so it seems like im kinda stuck at home all the time, but shes always out partying now...

 

i guess wut im trying to get at is that i dunno wut to do, NC is really hard for me, esspecailly when the times i talked to her she * * * * *es at me like she doesnt care for me..... honestly i wish i new wut was going through her head....how is it that sum1 that was supposedly so in love with me can turn there back to me like this...i dont wanna presure her into geting back with me, but she said she wanted to be friends, but she doesnt wanna talk to me at all, she wants time....im startn to wonder if she just said the whole friends thing to kinda ease my pain???

 

id like to possibly sum day down the road try again to make things work, but the conditions would have to be so perfect its hard to say it ever could happen, i would want to have her prove to me that she wouldnt get up and leave again....

 

ive heard NC ends up driving the ex mad, it just takes time to reach that point, because they need to realise things on there own..... n that it can end up bringing ppl back together and making the bond stronger.... i just dont no how u ppl can do it, it such a hard process for me.... but i no that if i keep tryn to make contact n shes not, it shows signs of weakness to her, like im clingy... which isnt attractive to girls.....

 

so confused i dont even no if wut i wrote makes sense lol..... BLAH!

[Ipso Fracto Man]

It pains me to see people who have gone through a breakup that they didn't want (or now regret) coming to sites like this, looking for the magic key that will turn back the clock and bring their ex-lovers back to them. Here is the unfortunate truth: NC, spellcasting, the 'right' words, the perfect "I'm sorry" gift--none of these things will bring back someone who has moved on. That is just the way it is. Nobody ever said that life was fair.

 

super_dave, I hate to say this but I have read all of your posts and I think you're beating a dead horse. Your chances of getting her to change her mind are slim to none, more than likely none.

 

I feel bad for you, mainly because I remember how it felt a couple of years ago when I had to let someone go before I was ready. It sucked big ugly green things. But when the well is dry, it's dry, and we are faced with two choices: dig another one somewhere else or die of thirst. That's the reality of the situation. Believe me, I understand how important she was to you and I know this is not at all what you want to hear, but I am telling you this for your own long-term benefit. Don't waste the only life you'll ever have waiting for a day that will never come. If you move on and she comes back some year, you can deal with it then. However, I don't think it's very likely.

 

It's time to cut your losses and start living for yourself. I wish you the very best.

[moonflowers]

Please don't let the difficulty of NC stop you from trying again. Yes, NC is hard. When I first implemented it, I was living in the same dorm as my ex, so it was really hard not to go run upstairs and try to talk to him.

 

I resorted to writing a number on my calendar if I had successfully kept NC that day, adding 1 for each consecutive day I'd kept it up; if I broke it, I'd start over at 0. I definitely got up to 10 or 15 and then failed a few times, but I'd just start over again, no shame or blame, just pride that I'd already made it out that far. I've kept complete NC with the ex for two months now, so I don't bother with the numbers anymore. It gets easier as the days go by.

 

It's probably hard for you to think of moving on yourself now when you're still missing the ex madly. But you have to work on yourself so that you can get out of this mindset. In the beginning I "lied" to myself, and told myself I had to make positive changes in my life so that my ex would notice my improvement. But after my life began turning around, I finally realized - with my ex 40 miles away and out of my life, all the positivity I was finally experiencing was purely for me.

 

That's the point you will definitely get to someday, as long as you are determined. Best wishes on the road to recovery and happiness.

[super_dave0001]

yea but wut drives a person to become a total biatch... after 6 years and all???

[moonflowers]

How old is your ex? If she's still young, it's likely that she's experiencing a lot of doubt and wondering who she will become. After 6 years with someone, it might be that she felt she had to "experience the world" before she got too old to have fun.

 

My ex left me because he didn't really know what he wanted in a relationship, and felt that it wasn't me. Now he's gone on to "be wild" with his new girl, partying and getting massively drunk every weekend. It's taken me a while to realize that when he left me, it was more his immaturity speaking than anything else.

 

My personal stance is that if someone treats you badly, and you know you don't deserve that ill treatment, then their lousy behavior is a reflection of them and their own personal issues, and has nothing to do with you.

[hulk7280]

yea but wut drives a person to become a total biatch... after 6 years and all???

 

because she is trying to pussh you away.. and the more you try to get closer the more she is going to try and push you away. you have to delete her msn and everything that reminds you of her put it in a box and put it away or throw it away.. NC is very hard, but its the only way you will heal.

[super_dave0001]

How old is your ex? If she's still young, it's likely that she's experiencing a lot of doubt and wondering who she will become. After 6 years with someone, it might be that she felt she had to "experience the world" before she got too old to have fun.

 

QUOTE]

 

my ex is 20, n im 22....honestly ive bin told so many different things, so many different scenarios that its to much to process, things like move on, forget her, others like give her the space n she will come back to u, she will realise wut she did was a mistake.... i feel like i gotta disappear to another country sumtimes

 

so ur saying shes gonna wanna go out n do her thing "experience the world" could she have not done that with me? lol girls no offence the majority of them dont no wut they want, n dont realise wut they got tell its gone..... shes gonna eventually see wut she d id was a mistake.. n most likely ill kick her to the curb unless shes able to show me that shes not here to string me around

[super_dave0001]

because she is trying to pussh you away.. and the more you try to get closer the more she is going to try and push you away. you have to delete her msn and everything that reminds you of her put it in a box and put it away or throw it away.. NC is very hard, but its the only way you will heal.

 

then if shes tryn to push me away, why tell me she wants to be friends? she did say she wants sum time to herself... why not just tell me not to have any communication, if we meet down the road we see wut happens....dont say u wanna be friends but only talk when it convienent for her no?

[hulk7280]

all girls want to be "friends" because you were in they want to end things on good terms and not burn bridges.. but it is almost impossible to be friends with an ex after a break up maybe months or years down the line.. but not weeks after... you wont be able to be friends with her until you have both complety healed. the more you try and talk to her and communicate with her the more she is going to push away from u