Does it ever stop?

[Robert325]

OK, well this is my first post on these forums so it may be a bit off. After reading through other threads seeing others feelings, it upsets me a lot.

 

I started met sombody about 2 years ago, I knew i liked her the first time i saw her. However she is married. She left her husband for me a year ago (after we had been seeing each other for 2 months.)

 

 

3 months ago she went back to her husband, I've barely talked with her since then, she never said a word about it she just left.

 

I quit my job a week after she left me after i had to visit the hospital from results of the break up. I still can't seem to come to terms that shes left me I can't describe how it feels but im sure everybody knows it, as of late tho iv been feeling so much worse, I caught myself crying in public (which iv never done) I don't want to go through the first week of it again.

 

Please don't judge me on seeing her in the first place, I understand that it was wrong to see a married woman. I need advice please! Just not time, iv had enough of that

[NJRon]

Sorry you came to ENA under such circumstances, but welcome.

 

How much therapy have you been having since this happened? I hope you have had some.

 

As for judging you on seeing a married woman, I am not going to do that. I will instead say that seeing someone who is married (or recently divorced) is a difficult thing to do because they are even more confused than you are. And, as a result, thier actions are often erratic and inexplicable.

 

I can understand the great pain you are in. For you it was a significant experience and the pain of having someone just walk away is always very difficult to bear.

 

If you don't want to go through the first week of it again, my advice is to not contact her or allow her contact. You did what you did, and it didn't work out and now you have been really hurt and you need to start getting your life back together.

 

So, the first thing to do is to resolve to not have any contact while you heal. As for time.. yes.. time is a factor. But, in order for time to work to your advantage, you need to take advantage of the time.

 

That means seeking therapy when necessary, exercising in order to maintain your happy feelings as well as eating right and getting good sleep. I know it sounds pretty basic. But when your world has been torn apart... even the simplest things can seem the greatest accomplishments.

 

Start small and work your way up. Try not to be too hard on yourself... don't wrack your brain too much.. just *do*...

 

Best wishes...

[Robert325]

i don't think i could manage therapy. This is the first time iv talked about, i just don't think i could tell anybody that i know face to face. Nevermind a complete stranger

[NJRon]

Well.. we are all complete strangers and you seem to be doing fine with that

 

hehe... regardless, I'm not going to force you to go. But I have seen a therapist and had the same qualms you have right now. It took a lot to finally go and, you know what, when you find a good one... there really is no beating face-to-face interaction with someone who is objective. Once you realize that a therapist sees people's problems like a gynecologist sees other things... well.. you realize that it's prbably nothing they haven't seen before.

 

In the meantime though, feel free to post on here and seek feedback. However, if you are *truly* interested in putting in the work that is necessary to put your life back together, you have to be willing to put in the work... if you know what I mean.

 

I've been in situations where everything was falling apart and I had absolutely no ability to manage it myself. It was only by taking advantage of every possible resource that was available to me that I was able to turn things around so quickly. Without seeking out the support I needed... even though I found it diffiduclt to swlalow my pride... I found it was the best thing for me.

 

But, everyone is different and only you can kow the right thing to do for you.

 

Hang in there.. it gets better... just takes a little getting until you arrive at the better...

[moonflowers]

Oddly enough, sometimes it's easier to tell a therapist something that you'd be too embarrassed to tell your friends. You never have to worry that anything you say to them will be grist for the rumor mill.

 

I think I was fortunate to find a good therapist quickly. To me, my therapist is a supportive, non-judgemental friend who just happens to know all the right answers. In many cases, my therapist can tell me things about myself that I wouldn't have noticed on my own.

 

Best wishes on recovery. The first week is terrible; the first month is rough; but you'll make it out someday.