Can't Relationships Just Be Guaranteed?

[ImThatGirl]

Guess it's my day to feel a little anxious.

 

Brief history. I've been in 4 serious long term relationships in my life. Two of them were the kind of relationships that seemed perfect one day and were non-existant (back and forth) the next. The other two, I realize that I was never compatable with the person and was unfair to both myself and them to attempt a relationship.

 

So the specific issues I have.

It's been proven to me that a person can promise the world and love you like you've never been loved before and then the next day move everything out of the house.

It's been proven to me that sometimes people have extreme expectations of each other and if you can't meet the (extreme) bar, it's over and quickly.

 

After a couple years of staying single, I am now in a serious relationship of a few months. I can't explain what it's like - besides saying it's absolutely perfect. I can see spending the rest of my life with him. We are best friends, we both communicate well, we enjoy many of the same things. One issue is that he has an ex that is expecting his baby. They were only together 4 weeks - he's unsure if the baby is his but we are preparing as though the baby is definitely his.

 

My question is this. How do you let your heart go and not retract it? I've been very laid back with this but I'm worried that I will panic. It hit me recently that this guy has my heart. And I can't imagine "not" being with him. I don't usually take this kind of risk. At the same time, I know I'd be okay if it doesn't work out - I always roll with the punches. How can I have more faith and just feel like, this is it - I finally got what I've wanted all along?

[amtjrtcet]

All you can do is live day to day. Don't look too far into the future. I have to remind myself this all the time. I was ok before he came along, and if it didn't work out I'd be ok then too. Remember that you are an individual, and even though he brings so much good to your life, you would still be able to live with out him. Good luck!

[ImThatGirl]

Thank you~

 

I was okay before and will be okay if it doesn't work. I just have to know what to expect from day to day. When I'm by myself, I always know what to expect. I know for the most part, no rug will be pulled out from beneath me. I feel like I've put all my eggs in one basket. It feels great - not worrying. I just hope I can stick to going day by day. And hope it doesn't come back to kick me.

[Royltnxile]

"Serious relationship of a few months"? How can a relationship of such short term be considered "serious"? You are in the intitial stages of dating. I also think "best friend" is also a pretty strong label for someone you have known for such a short time. "Absolutely perfect" is an oxymoron. Nothing is ever "absolute" and nothing is ever "perfect". You are still in the "honeymoon period" with this guy so I wouldn't go getting all anxious and getting ahead of yourself with him. Anything can happen and the best advice I can give is to take things slow and one day at a time. Don't let yourself get scared if the connection is there, but on the other hand, I would be very very concerned about this "baby" issue, especially if the ex in question (his) is a psycho mess...and it sounds like she is if she's not even sure who the father is - nice huh?..one classy broad! I'd keep a wary eye open on this situation.

 

There is no way to "retract your heart". It's either extended and vulnerable or it isn't. All you can do is either close your heart or "love like you've never lost"...but we all know the potential damage that can ensue by doing that don't we?

[ImThatGirl]

Thank you very much Roy~

 

~Wow~ Hhhmmm - I'll have to get back to this little later. Thanks for that reality check. I think I needed that.

 

Note though - We lived in the same small town for years. I didn't know him personally thought until recently so not sure that really makes a difference.

 

Heck - Isn't it ever possible that you just know? I'll try to come down from that cloud.

 

Thanks again!