I Might Be In Love With A Narcissist!

[dviewed]

I read an article on dealing with narcissism...very interesting as there seems to be a fine line between healthy self-esteem & being narcissistic.

(for those not familiar with mythology, narcissists are totally self-absorbed, to the point of being in love with themselves...they require constant validation that they are indeed the most wonderful thing to happen. And their world is a roller coaster due to the fact that when they get that validation they are up, up, up...& when they don't get it - or get outright citicism - they are plunged downward.)

If you suspect you are dealing with one (esp a love interest) you're better off knowing it. So here's the simple test...

Ask the person, "What would you improve about yourself...?"

Now, those with a healthy sense of self will have already given it some thought & can pretty quickly give you a few things they would like to improve upon.

The narcissist will tell you he/she is pretty darn happy they way are & can't really think of anything that needs changing or improving.

The point being, most of us realize we are a work in progress and the minute you think you're done you've lost touch with reality.

Narcissists feel pain and anguish, but would never think of looking inward at how they might make things better. It's always someone else's fault that they are hurting...it has to be since the narcissist is perfect.

I think about the fights my guy & I have had & how it always seemed to be my fault (OK, a lot of the time it was) & how he never seems to say, "Here's what I need to do differently..."

We are going through a rough time & he's even seeing someone else, altho we are closer than ever as friends & he tells me he hopes we eventually patch things up. But, holy cow, if he's a narcissist, I will really be in for a tough life if we do get back together!

I'm scared, but still so much in love!

[segagirl]

Narcissistic Personality Disorder: details out of DSM IV

 

has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements)

 

is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love

 

Believes that he or she is "special" and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions)

 

Requires excessive admiration

 

Has a sense of entitlement, i.e., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations

 

Is interpersonally exploitative, i.e., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends

 

Lacks empathy: is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others

 

Is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her

 

Shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes

 

*Fine line between self-esteem and narcissism, I suppose….but only when you are talking in general terms. We can all be a tad this way, esp. when under pressure. Just don't assume this is an actual personality disorder…and not just something he tends to do when fighting with you.