Getting things moving...

[jimpster2005]

Hi,

 

I'm a bit mixed up and have been for a few years now. I've been seeing a counsellor for the past 6 months to get to the root of my problems and it certainly has helped. I have issues with trying to please people, trying to fit in, self criticism, anxiety and depression, self-loathing and low self esteem - so quite a lot!

 

I will certainly say that I feel better about things in general and having my thoughts analysed does mean I can tackle my negative thinking. But from time to time - yesterday being a prime example - it just all goes to pot and I end up spending the whole day lounging the house around feeling sorry for myself, sleeping and weeping desparately in the mirror saying bad things about myself. Always manage to give myself a smile and some encouraging words afterwards, but it's just so hard. Today, I feel much better, but I know that it will probably happen again.

 

I've got to a point where I'm stuck and where forward movement will require changes - which just seems so difficult right now. Here's some of the things I feel about myself and how I can disprove some of them:

 

1) I don't have many friends I do have friends, but they're spread all around. I moved to London a year ago and I'm finding it hard work. I don't really know many people here and have no family in London. Sure I have some friends and know some people, but I still spend most weekends bored and alone because a) I feel unable to initate things with some friends because I feel that they're doing their own thing and b) it's just not something I've ever done before - arranging to do things that its...

 

2) No-one would want to know me or love me Untrue for the most part. I am a decent, good and fun person, but I feel that that's not enough. I've only ever had one relationship (I'm 27) which crumbled when she found out some of my negative thoughts. I've only ever asked one girl out in my life, although I have been asked out as well. I just don't feel that I'm worthy of a relationship as I am or rather that it's below me to acknowledge these thoughts. Relationships are for other people and not me I want someone to love me for who I am, even though I feel unable to do that myself.

 

3) Everyone else is doing more than me Obviously not true, but it sure feels that way. Weekends are the worst. I often have nothing to do, other than watch TV, do work on my computer or wash clothes and get though the day. I rarely go out, but would like to do so.

 

I love getting back to work, because I have a role and can have a laugh with my workmates. My social life is work, but I'm leaving soon, because I want to see more of life in another bigger company that challenges me more. It's difficult in a sense because I'm worried that it'll be a mistake and the only part of my life that I feel reasonably comfortable in will be no more.

 

I have terrible difficulty actually doing anything about how I feel - it's so ingrained. What's stopping me going to the gym? What's stopping me joining more groups and making friends? I have joined one group and have made some friends there but have yet to take it to being friends outside of the group as yet - it just seems so hard.

 

I have difficulty leaving my house at the weekend becasue I always manage to find ways to 'get by'. Even going for a walk takes effort.

 

How can I make that leap and start taking action and beat this laziness and begin to tackle these negative thoughts. Can I really be happy? It's so hard to get moving, and yet everytime I do positive stuff I tell myself it's not that hard after all. Why don't I remember this and act on this to put myself out there? I know what to do, but doing it is so so hard.

 

The difficult part is that people really like and love me. I am well respected at work, everyone thinks I'm confident, funny and intelligent. My family love me and the impression I give of myself to other people is comfortable, optimistic and as though I know what I'm doing. Why can't I see these positive things about me instead of focussing on the negatives?

 

Can anyone relate to how I feel? Is self-acceptance the key?

[RelaxByWater84]

I was a lot like you in high school. Then I came to college and I could reinvente myself a little. I tried to please everyone. I had "Approval addiction" as one author put it. I know don't care as much what people think of me. I believe you have to care a little bit what people think because they may have been down the same path as you and know what is coming. Maybe try taking some classes if you can afford it to meet people. I found that when I got out of high school people are more mature. Hope this helps. If you have any questions feel free to PM me.