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After recently discovering that someone very close and special to me died very violently and abruptly I started having these dreams in which a lot of people are dying for instance my dream last night was about airplanes just crashing down all over the place killing people and I was just standing there watching scared but not as scared as one would be..(please keep in mind I'm a flight attendant) I haven't had any bad expierences flying and the strangest things about these dreams are it comes right after I have these thoughts of I'd rather be dead than be living and I wish I was dead thoughts and I'm wondering is this some sort of sign that I may be calling death towards me or something..

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Hi there,

 

When my brother died a few years ago from cancer, I dreamt about him a lot. Quite a lot of symbolic things, often about the moment of his death; or him being alive again. It was horribly painful, but it's kind of stopped now.

 

I wrote a dreams journal for a while, and came accross these dreams a few months ago. They clearly show that my subconscious was working through a lot of emotions about grief, loss, denial and longing. It's quite painful to read, but astonishing to realise how smart your psyche is.

 

I think that because your close friend died in such a manner, your brain is trying to make sense of it all. Hence the very vivid and startling dream images. I don't think it's anything to be worried about, unless you're finding them very upsetting? I'm so sorry about your friend - have you tried grief counselling? That helped me, and might also help you work through everything that's going on.

 

Your brain is incredibly smart - these dreams are a way of helping you to cope. Maybe keep a dream journal as well, and look at how they relate to your emotions and anger. Someone once told me that bereavement is absolutely *exhausting*, as you work through a lot of different stages. And it is - be kind and gentle with yourself.

 

Take care.

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Thank you so much. It is indeed very painful to go through. I'm sorry you lost your brother. I feel as if anything and everything reminds me of him and can always relate back to him. Especially being the fact that I have so much I want to say to him..its as if I feel incomplete like I have to do something but I'm unable to. The dreams are scaring me because its as if I'm looking forward to death which sadly to say has been creeping into my mind more than usual. Its heartbreaking to go through and I will start the dream journal as you suggested. Thanks so much

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Thank you so much. It is indeed very painful to go through. I'm sorry you lost your brother. I feel as if anything and everything reminds me of him and can always relate back to him. Especially being the fact that I have so much I want to say to him..its as if I feel incomplete like I have to do something but I'm unable to. The dreams are scaring me because its as if I'm looking forward to death which sadly to say has been creeping into my mind more than usual. Its heartbreaking to go through and I will start the dream journal as you suggested. Thanks so much

 

Hi TramatizedSoul,

 

How long ago did you lose your friend? You sound like you're in the first stages of grief, and it's a tough tough road. Don't be scared of the dreams, honestly, it's your mind's way of coping with all your emotions.

 

The journey of bereavement is really hard, and there are some weird things that happen. My dad (who's in his eighties) was absolutely wonderful for me, because he really has got wisdom through age; he helped me to understand that a lot of my fears and terrors were normal. That's what grief is like. Plus I saw a bereavement counsellor a couple of times.

 

Do you have that kind of support in place? Talking about your emotions helps, being able to say what you actually feel, not what you *think* you should feel. I remember that I had a lot of odd reactions that I wasn't expecting. One for example was that I started looking for my brother everywhere when I was out - I would look at people's faces, you know? Silly really. But then my mum told me that was normal, it's just no one ever talked about it. That you cannot believe that you will never see their face on this earth again, no matter how hard you try, and for a while you do try.

 

I'm not being clear here - I suppose all I'm saying is that you're going through an incredibly tough time, and you need support, kindness and care. And to realise that it's a long process, but you will get through it. That the grief you feel now will become different, you will cope. And the dreams are all part of that process. Reach out to people, *TELL* them how you're feeling, don't bottle it up.

 

And you can always post here, too. People are very kind on this site, and someone is awake and listening somewhere in the world whenever you're feeling down. Take care.

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He passed away in Jan but I wasn't aware til mid august which hurts me more because all the time in between I was very angry with him thinking he was ignoring me but he wasn't here...its hurting me sooo much I have dreams of death in some sort of way ..even when I'm daydreaming its somwhat death related and that's the weird thing. But what's even more confusing is I'm fiding myself more iinto looking forward to death or rather wishing I was dead as well

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That's so tough - so although he died in January, for you the bereavement is very fresh. You're going through a lot of emotions, like shock and denial. I'm not an expert, but you are working through a lot of stuff. I'm in the UK, and we have a (free) organisation called CRUSE, which is for people who have been bereaved. I only spoke to them a few times, but that was really helpful. Is there anything similar you could try where you are, to just talk through things?

 

One thing to watch out for is that it's awfully easy for bereavement to turn into depression. That's why I think it's important to acknowledge and allow your feelings, and to let yourself start to heal by talking through everything. I don't think anything you're describing is strange, I think it's all tied up with the grieving process, but I do think you need to talk to someone about how you're feeling.

 

Also you need to forgive yourself for being angry with him when he was dead. You need to come to terms with all of this, and value his life and the times you had together.

 

Take good care of yourself.

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