I feel unimportant

[cichlid]

I feel like I don't matter to my own BF (of 1 year) anymore. Since he has gotten back to school, we talk less than we did over the summer. And we talked very little over the summer. I mean I've already brought up the fact that we don't talk much anymore and it makes me sad. He didn't seem to care. He always tells me he is tired (after talking for 10-15 minutes) and wants to go to bed early. Come to find out he stays up until 3am playing video games. He never has anything to say and I guess he just isn't interested in me.

 

My mom has even noticed that we don't talk much and even how we don't hang out anymore.

 

Lately I've had a lot of feelings of feeling like a loser without friends so my BF isn't helping the situation any. I've tried to be open but it just doesn't seem like he truly cares. Maybe he does...but he just hasn't been paying attention to me at all.

 

I might as well talk to my wall really.

 

Today I called him and immediately he told me to call back later since one of his friends was having a bad day and he was going to hang out for a bit. That's all nice...but how come when I have a bad day and feel sad and alone, I don't get anything. How come I haven't even gotten a simple kiss or hug for the past week. I've been pretty sick with a cold...but still. He's already been exposed to the germs.

 

It's been 45 minutes since I was supposed to call him. I'm thinking about not calling him back just because he probably has something better to do than talk to me.

[natalie121687]

OMG

All I can say is I feel like I'm reading an entry in my journal because my boyfriend is EXACTLY the same!!!! His friends always come first, if they have a bad day, he's running to them with support. If I have a bad day, the thought of helping me out doesn't even cross his mind. He's up allll night playing video games but if I want to talk about something he is suddenly "too tired" He can't communicate to me, it feels like I'm talking to a wall -in fact i have even said those exact words to him before- I TOTALLY understand what you mean when you say you feel like a loser without friends! wow...

I want to ask you, how old is he??

because my boyfriend is almost 23 so that would be so weird if they were the same age too haha

anyways, since im in the same exact boat i dont know any good advice because nothing i seem to be doing is working either.

do you guys ever break up for a few days and get back together??

all i can say is, it's a good idea not to call him....make him MISS you.

i realized if me and my bf dont hang out everyday, we dont get sick of eachother and when we do hang out we have much more to talk about and stuff.... BUT then when we arent together i feel like ..wow wat am i going to do i have no friends maybe i should just call him maybe he will want to hang out with me.... but dont think that way if you do......Go out find something fun to do, find a hobby, work on something you have been putting off, heck even cleaning the house gets my mind off of him and feeling like a loser.......sorry you have to go thru this i know it sucks!!

[candy604]

make some new friends and you are not a loser at all. ur bf seems to be loosing interest and it isn't your fault. You should voice your concern to him and ask him how you two can talk more. or just talk about different things or set a day to be together. It takes two to tango. Ask hm where the relationship is heading also. Seems like it's kinda dying...

 

maybe he's a video game addict and just doesn't wnat to admit it.

[aymee_lee]

I definitely hear you guys!

 

Why are they with us if they don't want to put us first? I'm not saying that I should ALWAYS come first but sometimes I feel like it's

 

work

friends

family

 

(anything)

 

.

.

.

.

Me

 

Arghh! I get so annoyed. Sometimes it's like my bf knows I love him, he loves me, so he doesn't need to make the effort. But I think that's why he SHOULD make an effort!

 

But it's such a vicious circle- you nag (you shouldn't have to, but) and they don't listen, or you don't nag, and they think 'awesome', she's not nagging.

 

I know how this sounds to other people, and if my friend was telling me this story, I'd probably be thinking exactly what most other people are. But I'm here, and I'm staying, so there's no point to this whinging is there?

[misspiggyfire]

I was in the same situation as you and I just simply stopped contacting him no matter how much I wanted to ring or text him. At first he thought I had fallen out with him because I weren't contacting him 24/7 so he started paying me more attention and now its perfect. I get the attention I want and I don't contact him as much just busied myself with friends and work.

[aymee_lee]

You go girl!

 

Awesome

[justme009]

I feel the same way you do about your boyfriend. I've been dating my boyfriend (who's 25 - I'm 23) for 10 months, and he always chooses his friends and video games, etc over me. We hardly ever talk about anything, and I used to feel so ignored. It got me so depressed. At first I thought it was perhaps because the relationship was doomed ... but then I made a post on this site, and got some good advice from people here!

 

I started going out and doing things by myself. I joined yoga and kickboxing classes, and am starting to do my own thing. Slowly, things are getting better. It takes time though. I've noticed improvements in his affection towards me (although it's not to where I'd like it to be yet), and we talk more because we have different things to talk about now.

 

At first, it sucked. I was out doing my own thing, and he was still ignoring me and not spending time with me. I was mad because I was doing everything I could to spend the least amount of time with him in order for him to want to be with me more, and it seemed like it was back firing. It took about 2 weeks for it to finally start working.

 

So yeah, I can definitely relate to what you're going through. Just go out and do your own thing. Eventually he'll come around. And if he doesn't, then you know what to do.

[aymee_lee]

I'm taking your advice justme.

 

I was thinking that it might backfire (e.g. that he would just go 'sweet, she's doin her own thing, now I don't feel bad') but I think you've got the right idea. Stick it out, and if it works, great, if not....well, make a choice.

 

As my mum always says, 'do something about it or get over it'.

[cichlid]

I'm taking your advice justme.

 

I was thinking that it might backfire (e.g. that he would just go 'sweet, she's doin her own thing, now I don't feel bad') but I think you've got the right idea. Stick it out, and if it works, great, if not....well, make a choice.

 

As my mum always says, 'do something about it or get over it'.

 

He says he can't do a lot this semester since he is "busy with school" but the thing is...he never studies. It's all social things and video games. I just think he likes the idea of being in a relationship than actually being in a relationship.

 

I'm already to barely speaking with him. I really don't see how I can do anymore of my own thing.

 

I learned a lot by his complaints of his ex. Don't be needy...don't be depressed. Sadly, I keep a lot of emotions and feelings to myself because I feel it will either annoy him or he will judge me. I dunno...for the past year I've worked on trying to open up, but the thing is I've never had any problems before with any other person. I just get these judgemental vibes from him. That and I have been attacked for my slightly liberal way of thinking about certain issues, even though I am conservative. He is very conservative.

 

And to answer a question, he is 20 yrs...8 month difference.

 

I really think he just doesn't like me anymore. He says he loves me a lot...but actions speak louder than words.

[candy604]

yeah actions speak louder than words. Just break it up, why go through another few months or a year or the same old crap? you deserve better and he sounds like he's not the right fit for you.