Trusting again.

[Karol3000]

This isnt really specific to my life but it seemed appropriate.

 

I was with a guy for a year and a half,we had a rocky relationship but we loved each other.We were just wrong for each other,instead of growing we tore each other down.But that brings me to what happened.

 

After we broke up I got out there and started dating co-workers ..bad idea.It ended up as a hook up,and me empty.

 

Now I'm very wary of men.I dont give anyone a chance and I feel like everyone is just trying to get into my pants,and it seems like i'm a freaking magnet for married men...been there done that.

I could be missing out on really good friendships or a good guy.

 

I need reassurance from guys or ladies,should I trust again and put my heart on the line? how do I weed out the good apples from the bad ones?

 

It's gotten to the point that I've reconsidered dating an ex who "never got over me" just because I know what to expect ie: he's safe.Even though I don't really like him all that much.

 

SIGH.help.

[Beec]

There is an old saying to the effect of ships are safe in port, but that's not what they were meant to do.

 

Sitting alone is not what you were meant to do either. Be wary, and take your time. And you can let men know you are wary.

[craign]

First of all do you HAVE to be with someone.I have girl friends,that have to be in a relationship.Why is that?Why would you get in a relationship that you know doesnt make you happy.Your worth more than that arent you.You deserve to be treated good right.I remember during a break up one time all i could think of was getting into another one to get over the last one.Thats crazy.I was crazy.There are alot of good guys out there.Alot of times it depends where you go.I know girls that have said that.But they go to the bar and hang out in crappy places where the girls and guys are scum.They go to a meet market and say "man why are all of these guys trying to get in my pants."Well look at where your at.This may not apply to you.But i know alot of times i have went out with girls just because i was desperate and looked over what i really wanted in a girl.I knew who i wanted and what i wanted but said to myself ahh i look over this or that.In the end i was going man girls suck.I have to look at my actions and my choices.Nothing in my life happens on accident.I am responsible.Try being alone for a little while.Figure out what you want.AND DONT COMPRIMISE.

[talo]

Trusting results in experience that one is not likely to get without trusting. Trusting can be done in small steps or big strides, dependent on how much experience one wants to experience at any one time. Big stride experiences can be overwhelming. Small step experiences are generally a more comfortable way of travelling.

 

how do I weed out the good apples from the bad ones?

 

The small step approach is like taking small bites of an apple so that the bad part inside is seen before actually biting into it.

 

The big stride approach is like taking a big bite into an apple including the unseen inner bad part and usually eventually spitting it out. (Note that it may take some time to detect the badness in the big bite as after much chewing it may just be that the apple doesn't taste quite right, goodness being mixed with badness).

[Karol3000]

It's not that I HAVE to be with someone.I guess I just feel sad that there's such a lack of romance and honesty in the men that ask me out.So,I miss someone and he's always been there for me and good to me.Women like to feel special and appreciated right? I dont consider myself unattractive,nor unintelligent.So why do I attract these jerks?

 

What I want is to be appreciated,and loved and not be second best for anyone.That's really what I want.Someone to share my life with,not because I want to HAVE someone but because it would be nice to have someone to go to.A friend AND a lover.

[craign]

Finding the right person isnt always easy for anyone.Its not easy for a guy to find the right girl.For some guys its easy.The reason why its easy is because they settle or take what comes along.I dont want to comprimise.

The reason i asked why you have to be in a relationship,is because you said you were "thinking of going out with a ex.Even though i dont like him much".Thats what im talking about.Why why why.WHy would you settle?Why would you put yourself through something like that JUST TO BE WITH SOMEONE.Im not preaching im just asking.I dont want to be lonely.But i wont go back to a ex that treated me like cra p.Yea i want to love someone i want someone to go to.But listen what if the right guy for you was right around the corner.And lets say you hooked up with your ex.You wouldnt exactly be available for him.Your 22 you will find the right guy trust me.You have alot of time to find or be found.Be available for him and dont settle.I have anxiety what if im 32 and lonely for the rest of my life and die single and and and and......WHo knows i want to be available.Oh news alert......guys can be scum.I went through junior high and high school,with 3 best friends we did everything together......all three were girls.We got along so well because they trusted that i wouldnt hit on them,and i listened because i cared and loved them without conditions.The guys they dated i hung out with them now and then.I hated what theydid to my friends.But something else i learned from them,girls can be just as bad.All guys cant be stereotyped as scum unless you follow it up with girls can be to.Your expierence is with guys mine is with girls.Its easy to say girls can be scum but were do i meet these girls?Everywhere.Some girls only want money,their bills payed,a place to stay etc etc.Im rambling sorry.Ive not asked a girl out in probally wellllll a long time ive been asked out 6 times at least in the last three months.1 married 1 dating someone 2 with issuesssss well 3.Thats 5 huh i exagerate.Im a guy heh.So i know what its like to have to weed through them and i am 32.I get lonely at times.But i need to work on me for now.I want to be ready so the next relationship wont be so chaotic.But who knows thats life.Thats what makes it fun.

[Karol3000]

I hope you find the right lady.You're right I shouldn't settle.I'm too much of a catch.I just get impatient sometimes.THANKS!