The roles have reversed

[Sobo]

OK I will give you guys a short run down of what happened with me and my gf. We were going out almost 2 years, then she comes out and tells me she doesn't love me etc. We break up, things suck at first, but in the end I personally think I did very well about it, then we got back together, it's a weird story so you can look it up, I tihnk I may have done it artially b/c of pity. NOW we have been back oh i dunno i month and a bit, but like it feels different, yes there are moments when I feel the same way I did before, but even that isn'r eally the same,

I don't know maybe I was blind and naive before, but I really never questioned anything, I was never really that jealous, or anything.

 

Now sure it doesn't help that she is living with 2 other guys in a house for school, one of which I am sure likes her, the reason I am a little "parnoid" about this is b/c while we were broken up she had sex with another guy, I don't knwo why it bothers me, well it doesn't just that when she is around other guys I sort of question it based on what happened, which is bad b/c we weren't going out so ir shouldn't matter, Part of me is tired of being in a relationship, I feel as though I cannot relax, when we got back together we said things would be different, they aren't. We still do the boring things too often like sit on a couch and watch a movie. I find myself not spending as much time with my friends, and when she is out I worry, I never worried before. It's like i need something to happen, or a break to realize how good she is, or maybe i'll find out otherwise,

 

Part of me wishes like she would go kiss another guy, or cheat on me then I could just break up with her for that reason, like I don't want to do it b/c I will feel really bad, and this is weird b/c as I typing this, I recall her saying all of these things to me when she was giving me a speech about it.

 

I guess maybe I don't want to be tied down, it's harder to meet new people with a gf around, like I feel as though I am limited in some capacity,

 

Anyone else feel this ever? Whats the best thing to do???

[paulapalooza]

It sounds to me that you have a trust issue with her. You're carrying some baggage because she betrayed you and now you lack trust for her. As a result, you don't want to be with her. I think that you should tell her how you feel and let her know that now perhaps isn't the time to get back together. You need to sort things out in your own head before you can care for someone again.

[kadvati79]

Mate I've read through your posts in the past, I think it goes beyond just being a trust issue and into a control issue. Jealously reflects one thing in my mind... a breakdown in approach and behaviour in the person who is feeling jealous.

 

Has she done anything that "warrants" jealousy? If not, the problem rests with you. Its one you need to solve. But what exactly "warrants" jealousy? If she continues to flirt and have sex and kiss other guys, then her behaviour does not warrant jealousy it warrants dumping her sorry backside to the curb, no need to wait!

 

I'm going to take a guess and think the real issue here is that she slept with one of these guys while you were broken up, and now you feel threatened by that, and you think that she should not be living in that situation. You think the understanding thing to do would be for her to remove herself from being near him.

 

I say to you, so what if some guy likes her? Dude, I have people come on to me, proposition me, constantly. If my boyfriend got jealous every time someone I once had sex with, or once dated, or whom I have never met but has fallen in love with me anyway... he would have to employ some assistants simply to allow him enough time to feel jealous!

 

You want her to screw this up because then it validates your feelings. Shame on you! (hehe). She had sex with this guy, big deal. She wasn't with you. You have already identified that but something inside of you is not actually registering it. This is about you and your ability to either:

 

1. Stand up, and not put up with unacceptable behaviour

2. Grow up, and learn that trust is given in the first instance

 

Trust is not something that should have to be proven at the start, it only requires that once it has been broken. The reason you cannot relax is because you do not trust her. Why do you not trust her? Well, as I said, I suspect this has to do with her sleeping with other guy(s) while out of a relationship with you.