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Concerned Friend


MaeMae
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One of my best friends has been looking for a serious relationship for several years now. I've known her for about twelve years and met her while she was dating one of my roommates (there were 4 of us sharing a house). They broke up because of the inability to communicate effectively. She and I stayed friends and I've had to watch her go through mess after mess so far as the dating ritual goes. I don't like to butt in if it's none of my business, so I never said anything to her unless she asked my opinion on something.

 

Lately she's been going through bouts of depression because she can't find anyone to go out with. It's been a year since she's had a boyfriend and that relationship only lasted a few months. He left her saying that he didn't have time for a relationship. She really liked him and I think it really hurt her, though she does everything she can to not show her feelings. She is not one to talk about how she feels at all, so it's hard to get her to say anything.

 

She has since developed a list of rather strict standards that seem to be a little too stiff in my opinion. She's looking now for Mr. Perfect, not Mr. Right. Frankly I don't think it's going to happen. She doesn't go out and do much of anything. She doesn't work out or belong to any groups or clubs where she might meet people.

 

I am now a very outgoing person (believe me, I was exactly the opposite in highschool), and have no trouble talking to people. She on the other hand is much more quiet and won't be the first one to approach someone, however, she doesn't make herself very approachable either. She 'looks' like she is depressed and sad.

 

I've told her she ought to get out more, but she says she has no other friends. I've suggested she join a class or something, but she won't do it alone and I'm so busy I hardly have time to sleep.

 

I know her loneliness is not my problem, but I hate seeing her so sad. Thing is, she wants someone who doesn't exist. (Or if he does, he sure as heck isn't in Ohio) I've tried telling her her expectations are not realistic, but she just gets offended and says, "Well I'm not going to go out with just anyone."

 

Should I just forget about it and let her go on as she will?

 

Maybe after I get my car paid off in May I'll have the money and will ask her to join an Irish stepdancing class with me. At least that will get her moving around.

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I have done this before.I hid in my room and sad pooooor me theres nobody out there for me.I started thinking and had friends tell me how do you expect to find someone when all you do is go to work then go home.I guess i thought my women would magically appear on the front steps wrapped in a bow.SOOO unrealistic.Your totally right about suggesting getting out and doing things.We meet people by proximity.If we are not ever around other people it wont happen.Exercising is a awesome way to meet new people i have found.........You know honestly none of this matters all you can do is suggest and encourage.You cant hand happiness on a platter we all have to go get it ourselves.Encourage.Heck get her on here.Im not here to pick up girls.Never have needed to.But i can get alot of encouragement just talking and listening to other people.Have her post something.Good luck

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