She broke my heart, now hers is broken...please read please

[GottaLetItBurn]

My heart was shattered into a million pieces a year ago when the girl I put my whole heart into told me to "wait" until she made her mind up whether or not she wanted to get into a realationship and instead she went back to her ex.

 

I suffered all year, everday pain just building inside of me. Trying to hold back tears which only lead to nervous break downs later. She texted me to try and "be friends". It hurt even worse. She told me "You know I used to like you".

 

Totally shutting me down after its like I already know that, I mean she left me waiting for an answer and then her answer was me finding out from other people she got back with her ex. Very cruel.

 

So about a month ago I realized she always texts me every week, so I made an attempt to text back. Then she stopped. Just now I went to her page for the first time and it says single. My jaw hit the floor.

 

It hurts all over again, I see her pics and Im not even really attracted to her, i dont see the same girl. But I feel bady, she got cheated on once again.

 

What is wrong with me, am I wrong for these feelings. I have been depressed still about her, that she is out there and I wish we could still be close. Like I can call her and just talk but I never do because I think it would hurt.

 

Should I just keep it moving and let her go through her suffering. Im assuming this just happened to her. I just know how she feels, ironically because she did that to me. Is it her getting her karma??

 

What should I make of this news. Please I would love to get some feed back, it would really mean a lot to get some responses.

[Dazzerg]

I'm not sure here what feelings you think you should feel bad for?? Feeling that, in some way, shes got what she did to you returned and like somehow justice has been done? I think those feelings are only natural to somebody who has been hurt. I dont think you should torture yourself for feeling that way and here is why.....

 

In the same breath its obvious you still care for her, in your desire to comfort her and 'feeling bad for her'; that means you have already risen above your natural feelings caused by the hurt she caused you and in my book that makes you a good person. I think you need to accept both sides of how you feel and take great strength from your ability to rise above the natural desire to 'hit back' as it were.

 

It seems obvious to me that you have moved on if you no longer feel any attraction to her and that she seems like a 'different person'. It's possible that what would/is causing the pain is the memory of what happened before not what would happen now. I think it is very likely that there would be some initial pain/awkwardness but i'm sure she would be grateful of the closeness you can give her in this time. The real issue is whether you feel you can rise above your pain again and be there for her......

[Goldfish6888]

I'm not sure that you should contact her - will it open up old wounds? If you feel it won't and you are strong enough to do so, then by all means, drop her an email or message. You obviously have a generous spirit. If you do contact her, keep it short and to the point. Just a quick hi like -

 

Just thought about you the other day - and I wanted to say quick hello! Hope you are well!

 

I wouldnt mention that you actually know anything about the cheating as it looks like you had been keeping an eye on her.

 

See if she responds and where that leads to. I find it hard keeping in contact with my exes, but there is one that recently got married and I dropped him a line congratulating him on his recent nuptials. He never responded. But I'm well over it now, so the lack of response didn't affect me.

 

Good luck!

[Meow18]

I think you should keep up with no contact. Honestly, it's not going to help you to contact her right now. She might be depressed right now, but that's not your problem. She had a good guy when she had you, but she chose to end that by being with a guy who cheated on her before.

 

I think you should not try to think anything of the news. That's only going to make you nuts.

 

It's not wrong to feel bad for her. I mean, you care about her obviously. But at this point, you need to keep no contact because right now she's vulnerable, and nothing good will come from that.

[GottaLetItBurn]

WOw, thanks so much for the above three responces. They are all a little different yet just perfect, just in the order I needed to read them. Enotalone really has stepped up, thanks for the solid advice.

 

When I saw she was single my jaw hit the floor, and I knew that maybe she stopped texting me because she had gotten her heartbroken too. I take a little something from all these responces. I think I'm going to back of, don't contact, but if she calls me in the future I am going to talk to her and have open arms.

 

Yeah, I just can't help but feel bad. WHen I see any posts on here about someone just starting NC after a long relationship my heart sinks a little. THat someone out there is feeling so misserable. It really has turned my whole world upside down, and although she may not know she hurt me so bad because I just played it off the best I can. I know she is there.

 

I wish everyone could just find true love in their first shot and be happy. The world just doesn't work that way though, sometimes it seems hopeless.

[Meow18]

I wish everyone could just find true love in their first shot and be happy. The world just doesn't work that way though, sometimes it seems hopeless.

 

A lot less hearts would be broken too. But you know, break ups happen for a reason. You both just weren't the ones for each other. Maybe you haven't learned that yet though.

 

You will feel better about the break up eventually. It will be hard and might take some time, but we all heal. i've been where you are and it stinks. But now I have a wonderful boyfriend who I know I love and who I know I want to be with, and I'm not sure I would have realized that as easily without going through a few heartbreaks in my past..

[GottaLetItBurn]

I never understood how come she wanted to be my friend after rejecting me like she did, and now I think I understand. I truly believe now I could be her friend, and that is strange to me. That there is a girl out there that a lot of guys are attracted to, but I'm not attracted to her at all.

 

I never thought I would ever want to be just friends with a girl, but now I can sort of see it happening. If she didn't give up on me, but I won't think about it anymore. I gave a year of my life to thinking about her everyday non stop.

 

It sucks being depressed though, where nothing matters. Sometimes I wonder why I even exist, like what is the point of anything. I just hope I get my whole heart back. It doesn't seem like I have much heart anymore, because right now I don't care to try and keep up friendships or pursue other girls out there.

[joyce1412]

to me it sounds like this girl not only really shattered your heart, but had a great effect on your self-esteem. if you had higher self-esteem i don't think you would care about her so much this late in the game. i think you would see her for the jerk she is and move on...but i could be wrong.

 

you still have so many emotions wrapped up in this girl that i think contacting her would be making yourself extremely vulnerable. also, when you say something like this:

 

I think I'm going to back of, don't contact, but if she calls me in the future I am going to talk to her and have open arms.

 

i get scared for you because i feel like if you speak, you will indeed welcome her with open arms, and by not keeping your guard up she will hurt you. she has already shown her potential to do this to you with little regard for your feelings.

 

really, just reread what you wrote:

 

I suffered all year, everday pain just building inside of me. Trying to hold back tears which only lead to nervous break downs later. She texted me to try and "be friends". It hurt even worse. She told me "You know I used to like you".

 

Totally shutting me down after its like I already know that, I mean she left me waiting for an answer and then her answer was me finding out from other people she got back with her ex. Very cruel.

 

honestly, i hope you abstain from calling her, and set higher standards for the kind of people to whom you give the privilege of being in your life, lovers or otherwise.

 

good luck handling all this.

[GottaLetItBurn]

You are right too.

 

Its amazing how I wrote that and meant it at the moment. Im really glad you pointed that out to me. I think it would be a bad idea to just let her back in my life. It is time to move on.

 

I just feel like there is something missing in me. I feel like I dont have any heart. Im a good person I believe, but I also dont take care of myself over others. That is not good.

 

I just want to care about something again. I just have no passion for anything anymore. Everything seems like a quick fix, I want to get my zest for life back. I just think maybe I dont have closure, I dont know what is wrong with me.

 

I pray everyday that I can just wake up and feel good, like my old self. I feel like I through away my one chance at happiness on this girl who was not worth it. It is almost like she liked breaking my heart too. Life gets messed up sometimes thats for sure.

[joyce1412]

I just feel like there is something missing in me. I feel like I dont have any heart.

 

you aren't alone. i feel the same way. even though i am feeling better about moving on, finding someone new, i still feel empty.

 

I just want to care about something again. I just have no passion for anything anymore. Everything seems like a quick fix, I want to get my zest for life back. I just think maybe I dont have closure, I dont know what is wrong with me.

 

somehow i doubt that you getting "closure" is the one thing that's keeping you from being your regular, happy self. you do, however, seem very haunted by the ghost of this relationship. most exes just aren't remotely capable of delivering what we want in terms of "closure." it might be hard to pin down what you want from closure anyway.

 

in a past heartbreak, my "closure" was getting my self-esteem back, finding a great new guy (great at the time, now he's my current ex--aahh!), and repositioning my sense of self in a way that didn't rely on this ex's presense in my life, if that makes any sense. i realized i was relying on my ex to define who i was, to shape me. i had no idea who i was without his contribution to my life. maybe your identity was very much wrapped up in this girl and that's why you're having a hard time.

 

i imagine you're probably also still a touch depressed, which is why you're not passionate about/interested in things anymore. it's always very difficult for a person who's depressed to get involved in and excited about ANYTHING. apathy is a big part of depression. but the kicker is, you're going to get even more depressed if you can't find anything to get excited about. just make yourself do things, and you'll have little moments of, "oh yeah, i remember why i liked to do this," and you'll feel good. and make yourself repeat whatever those things are that make you feel good.

 

I pray everyday that I can just wake up and feel good, like my old self. I feel like I through away my one chance at happiness on this girl who was not worth it.

 

why was this girl your one chance at happiness? do you mean to imply you'll never meet anyone else and fall in love? if so, i seriously doubt that's the case.

[GottaLetItBurn]

I think your right about my identity being connected to her still or dependent.

 

For example when I think of anything funny, I always made her laugh, so I only think about sharing it with her. I realize I got the most satisfaction out of telling her the things that my imagination created that day. Anyway, I have been doing some real soul searching lately and have been asking myself a lot of questions about my own behavior.

 

I really feel I need to have an outlet for all my thoughts. Whether it be writing poety or whatever. I decided I want to go to an art school, and have really made it a goal to go to a school of arts somewhere in New York or Chicago.

 

Possibly Colombia Arts. I just miss her sometimes, but I'm starting to really seriously be able to read books again. I definatly need to get over this last little thing, and just keep myself moving on.

 

I'm going to be okay, but I just don't understand my feelings sometimes for her. They seem so irrational at times.