The right thing?

[lioness726]

Ok, I'm sure most of you know my story. It's been awhile since I've been on here and this will explain why.

 

For those of you that don't know my story... quick synopsis:

My ex and I were together for three years. We broke up three times total. The first two were him. The last was me because I had to, due to all the issues, lack of honesty, and my heart was just breaking while I was with him.

 

It's been about three months since we've split.

 

My latest issue is that we've seen eachother, have had sex a lot of times and what not. He basically was saying how he would be willing to be there for me "part-time". We sort of came to that conclusion a few days ago after we've hung out, I went to see his band play a couple times, and we just talked on the phone.

Basically, we would hang out together for maybe dinner, a movie, or even if we wanted to just hook up. Now, I was never asking for more from him. I don't want to get back together with him but I do still have feelings for him and I do still really enjoy the sex (probably the best I've ever had). Now, since I knew I wouldn't look for sex from someone new and random, his propostition sounded good to me. And since I enjoy spending time with him, I though it would be ok.

 

Until I saw he added some new girl to his Myspace. (Yeah, I know I shouldn't look at his Myspace and it is the devil.) So this reminds me, "Hey, you! He's single he can do this. He's getting his cake and eating it too. Even though you don't want more from him, this is what you used to fight about while you WERE with him. He can have you AND whoever else comes his way. Are you ok with that?" And of course the answer to myself was, "Hell no!" I still have feelings. As long as I'm being intimate with him, I can't stand the thought of him being with someone else.

 

So tonight, after we had hung out, I had told him that we couldn't be around eachother anymore and we couldn't do this "haning out" thing anymore. I told him that one of us was going to eventually get hurt, and that it was just postponing the inevitable.

 

I know he still cares and has feelings because he told me that he had wanted to do this (hanging out) because he can't fully let go of me. He knew it would delay the inevitable but he saw it as slowly pulling off the band-aid. Not ripping it off. He also said that he can't be around me because all the feelings will come back to him, so if I'm at a place where he is, he'll leave.

 

I just don't understand this. We have all these feeling for eachother but it can't happen with us. How does that work?

 

But do you think I did the right thing? I mean, now I'm crying and regretting it because I know this is a finalization and he's gone. But please tell me I did the right thing. I need to hear that if it IS actually true. I mostly did this because it felt like it was the right thing to do and I really could NOT deal with sharing him other girls.

But now I feel like, "Well, maybe if I continued to hang out with him, he wouldn't have tried to hook up with girls. But now that I've rejected him, he'll definitely try- and I don't want that." But isn't that just stupid thinking? I'm sure if I stuck around, he would have tried with girls anyway. He was still single.

 

*Sigh. I keep going back and forth. But I really was tired of being with him and then leaving. Then being sad because we're not together and things are different. Then getting over it. Then suddenly he's calling or texting again and I go see him or sleep with him (knowing that I really want to get laid). Then I'd leave and go hom. And the cycle would repeat. I just didn't feel like I was getting over him. I just didn't want to deal with that constant crap. I need more than that, I guess.

 

Some encouraging words would help. Or if you think I did the right thing, please let me know.

[kittenmoomoo]

You did the right thing! Be strong and you will get through this, but you need to do NC. Good luck.

[lioness726]

Thank you both of you. I do still care, even though a relationship with him at this point would be impossible.

 

I know he still cares about me too. He's not only said so, but it's obvious through his actions. When I would be at his house, he'd scratch my back the way he used to, he'd cuddle up next to me like before... Everything he did was like he used to. I know his feelings haven't changed.

And with all that going on I just couldn't understand why he was ok with this weird relationship we've formed.

 

He said he wasn't completely ok with it, but that it was his way of not letting go completely. He said this whole break up was hard for him too, which is why he suggested this weird "part-time" business in the first place.

 

I guess I'm just hurt all over again. It was like breaking up with him again. I know he was hurt because he just shut down and turned cold. I also noticed that he added two more new girls to his Myspace when he got home. Fancy that, huh? Out of the whole three months we were apart, he didn't add one girl that was not already someone he knew. Now he's adding them left and right. Is that his way of getting back at me? Or to take away his pain?

I almost feel like I just pushed him into some new girl's arms. ](*,)

 

But whatever. Who's to say he wasn't going to run into some new girl's arms if I stuck around, right? RIGHT?

 

When he turned cold I said, "Please don't do that." and he said, "I have to. This is how I deal with stuff like this. I basically run away from it. I shut down everything. I put myself outside the blast zone." And that's when I told him, "You can't run away forever. Things will always catch up with you."

And they always did in the past. I think that's why after we broke up twice before, after a couple weeks he came running back to me. My friends don't think I've heard the last of him.

But I don't know.

[blender]

YOU DID THE RIGHT THING... and you will now find the courage and self respect to LIVE WITH IT... and you should.. you are worthy of much more than a guy who is there "part time".. YUK...

 

DO NOT let this happen again in your life, I know you have feelings for this guy and you are hurting, BUT, what is more important is how you will feel about YOURSELF in the long run and you already know being someone's "part time" girl, is NOT good enough, not for any girl. Have the self respect to "let this guy go", anything to do with him will cause you to continue to "lose yourself" and you are too precious and important, and finally, by "letting this guy go" you are starting to TREAT YOURSELF WITH RESPECT. We teach others how to treat us by how we treat ourselves,

 

This is a new beginning for you, cry, be sad, get upset, miss him, but you will heal, and move on, and you will do things DIFFERENTLY now with men, no more, "part time sex" no matter how good it is in the moment, it will NOT feel good in the long run.. it's NEVER worth it..

 

YOU DID THE RIGHT THING...

[kittenmoomoo]

I think you will both care about eachother forever. You were together a long time, so the feelings aren't just going to die anytime soon. But just caring about eachother is not enough in a relationship and I'm sure you know that. You need to stop looking at his MySpace! It is a better feeling not knowing what is going on in his life. You will be okay, but you need to decide to let go completely if you want to heal and move on.

[rajabah]

"Part time"? Does that mean sex only?

 

Good for you for having some dignity and self-respect. Big ups, homie.