conflicting messages from gf

[abbett]

i've written several posts on here before - about me and my gf. about our issues, breaking up, coming back together.

 

it's become a vicious cycle and i'm so tired.

 

i love her.

 

but the communcation is so bad. i want to communicate what we can do, what we don't need to do, what can help, what hurts - but she says she cannot handle discussing these things - because it's dramatic and stresses her out. when i try to talk, she gets angry and shuts down. ????

 

i guess in some ways her life is stressful right now. but not any more stressful than it was months ago when she used to be more interested in things were not working out and listening to me when i wanted to share my thoughts and feelings.

 

now, she has not patience, no tolerance.

 

now, it seems, if the going gets a little rough, she wants to run.

 

we live 2 hours apart but she was here this past weekend. we had an issue on sunday. i was able to talk with her and get her calmed down, but she makes it so dramatic! she would say i do.

 

anyway, we seemed to get past it. then a few days later, something else happened. a misunderstanding about this coming weekend. she said she didn't know what i wanted her to do. i had been telling her what i wanted.......but she seemed to not be able to hear it. so i very carefully told her what all i wanted and asked her what she wanted.

 

all the sudden, she goes down this path about how she loves me but cannot be what i need, how she just wants to be alone.

 

i tried talking positively to her and asked her to come up this weekend.

 

she told me the next day that she was going to stay where she lives and housesit for a friend and if i wanted to see her, i could see her there.

 

what?

 

she didn't want to come here to see me, but would be ok with me coming there? to me, it seems like if she doesn't want to come here, it's because she does not want to see me, so why should i even want to go there? i don't understand it.

 

she said this after she said she wanted to be alone - like not together with me.

 

that afternoon, she asked me what i was doing. who i was doing it with. she kept leaving me messages. that night and last night. and yesterday. she said she wants to be alone, yet she keeps leaving me messages and asks what i am doing. ???

 

my responses have been short and unemotional - matter-of-fact. i think last night, she was sort of angry about it.

 

but i don't know what she is expecting from me.

 

i told her i wanted to be with her, she told me she wants to be alone.

 

i want to still be with her, but i feel like i need an explanation for where she is right now in order to understand.

 

no matter her situation, i'm upset that she's turned into a runner. i'm not a runner. and how can you ever trust a runner?

[RayKay]

Alright, I am going to be pretty blunt here, and this is based not just on this post but on all your other posts about this....

 

She is not only addicted to the drama, but you are becoming addicted to it. I think you are both in love more WITH the drama than each other at this point...

 

To you it may SEEM her messages are mixed - but they really aren't. The message she is giving you is that she is NOT a true healthy stable PARTNER for a relationship. All the other words she says are just fluff.

 

She tells you she wants to be "alone" yet you think that that is good enough for you to stay around? Seriously honey, do you honestly see this relationship as healthy, or suddenly changing from these very apparent patterns of behaviour on both your parts?

[AwdreeHpburn]

I say STOP addressing it.

 

Maybe this is a case of talking TOO much about issues???

[abbett]

thanks for the feedback. yeah, i find it odd that she blames me for the drama when i see her doing things to accelerate it. not addressing simple misunderstandings as they happen. on sunday, we had a misunderstanding. i told her my side, thought she'd tell me her side and we could move on. not some heavy discussion - just a clearing things up. but she just sat there silent. i told her that if she would just talk, things wouldn't have to get so blown out of proportion - it could be nipped right there.

 

others have said maybe i am wanting to talk about issues too much or overanalyzing but when you are dealing with someone who communicates very poorly and briefly, the other person is always wondering exactly what is going on. it's hard to be clear on what is going on sometimes.

 

i always feel confused. she says she is always confused and i don't get it because i am always clear upfront about what i want, what i am happy about, what i am unhappy about. she's the one who does not communicate.

 

she used to be more expressive.

 

anyway, i am tired of the drama - and since she always runs now i guess she is tired of it.

 

i just don't understand saying she wants to be alone now and then talking to me again without even addressing why she is now talking to me again after saying she wants to be alone. ????

 

i guess i just have the hope that we can get on a better track - at least back on the track we were.