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Finally coming to my senses

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Anyone that has been following my posts, thank you for your input and comments. I think they have finally sunk in.


Yesterday I didn't feel so great. It was 5 months since the split. He came around to see us lastnight and we had a really good talk. Sorted out a couple of things, he even apologised for letting new gf babysit, said he knows it was a mistake, won't do it again, and that he knows how it must have made me feel because he wouldn't have liked it if the other way around.


I woke up today and felt like a different person. It has finally sunk in that there is nothing I can do to change things, I have done all I can. I now realise that anything that is going to happen, will happen regardless of what I say or do.


I think I have accepted that he has a new gf, that he is thinking of her, not me (they are going on holiday together on Friday). I know that they will have a good time while they are away and he wont be thinking about me. I have seen that he was stringing me along this whole time, be it consiously or sub-consiously. I was hanging around just waiting for him. I don't think I want to do that anymore. See, that wasn't so hard to write.


I am not going to hang around waiting anymore. I am not yet ready to be with someone else, the thought still repulses me, but I am going to make an effort to change that. If he comes to his senses and I am still available, then that is fine. I would still take him back in a heartbeat, but I am not waiting anymore. I could be waiting forever. I have had enough of moping around, being depressed, constantly crying, and trying to put a brave face on for people. I hope this new energised me will be here to stay. I know there will be bad days ahead, but today is a good day and I just wanted to share it.

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I think it is wonderful that things are looking up for you and that you can now concentrate on your future, however I just want to ask you a question:


If he split up with his current girlfriend and wanted you back would you get back together with him?

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Yes I would. I still love him with all of my heart. I do know though that I can't force it to happen. I just have to let things run their course. I also now know that even if they do split up, it may not mean good news for me. It has taken a while, but it has finally sunk in. If it happens, then that would be wonderful.

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