Another summer coming to an end....I can hardly wait

[Bounder]

Hi everyone,

 

I just felt lonely and needed to write today instead of calling my ex. Its been almost a months of NC after I ended things with her. I miss her terribly. She is moving back to her old city in a couple of weeks, transferring universities, and has a new bf apparently. All this after 4 years of US. I just feel exhausted, and worried that i have nothing left in the tank after the roller coaster that was our relationship. I am starting an internship in a week, but have yet to complete my Master's thesis, which I had wanted to complete this summer. Again, found myself having to take some time out to focus on me, instead of work, school or what not. I hope this internship will help me find a new boost. I would love if it was someone who could help me move passed feeling stuck on my ex. If she was worth so much pain to me now, why did I leave her?

 

I was at home sick today, have been for the last 2 days, and I watched Oprah (I know, shoot me now) and they had a special on Lance Armstrong's ex-wife and how so many people rush into marriages or lose themselves in them. It made me upset...i saw my relationship in these stories, and I dont know how people like my parents made it work for 30 plus years. Where did they get the strength? Is our generation weaker, more self-centred on self-gratification?

 

A line from my ex the night we broke up has been haunting me...she said that she knows she will have more heartbreak in he future because it is tough to be an ambitious woman and get married and maintain one's sense of self......now i know my parents werent perfect in that regard, but i have always seen a good marriage as one where both feel they can self actualize.

 

This woman was wonderful, there was just so much stuff, actions, that got in the way. I never thought i would believe that "having too much history' would be a valid reason to break up but apparently it is....at least thats why i was never really trusting again in this one.

 

I guess I am just sad, feeling like I have sold some of happiness to my career and personal ambitions and wondering if i took enough time for those around me. Its too late to go back, and I am not sure i would want to....but what if.....what if.....how do i get fixed on the future instead of stuck on the past? Silly question for someone who is training to be a historian.....

[lonely days]

Bounder,

 

something in your thread ( especially your last line ) reminded me of a great quote from a book called Way of the Peaceful Warrrior by Dan Millman. I read this qoute fairly regularily to help put things in perspective.

 

 

" There is no need to search; achievement leads to nowhere. It makes no difference at all, so just be happy now! Love is the only reality of the world, because it is all one you see. And the only laws are paradox, humor and change. There is no problem, never was and never will be.Release your struggle, let go of your mind, throw away your concerns and relax into the world. No need to resist life; just do your best. OPen your eyes and see that you are far more than you imagine. You are the world, you are the universe; you are yourself and everyone else too! It's all the marvelouse play of god. Wake up and regain your humor. Don't worry you are already free! "

 

I hope you can relate to that in some small way. and always remember there are no ordinary moments.

[Majoraslayer]

The topic title reminded me of Green Day's "Wake Me Up When September Ends".

[joyce1412]

well, i wish i knew what to tell you.

 

have there been people who have regretted breaking it off with their partners? absolutely.

 

were there good reasons to break it off with her? from what it sounds like...yes.

 

even though you love and miss her, you had the strength to break it off. i imagine that this was no small feat for a guy who's still in love. i don't really know your story, but that alone tells me that you really needed this time apart.

 

are you sure you aren't missing her so much because she simply has found someone new? seeing your ex with another has a way of bringing out regrets that perhaps aren't genuine regrets; rather, you're just pouting because you feel like you're missing out, and you'll get over it soon enough. i'm not saying that this is necessarily you right now, but maybe it is? think about it at least.

 

i suppose you wouldn't be the first person to regret giving up part of your personal life in order to pursue career ambitions, but i do congratulate you for going after what you want there.

[LostInTranslation]

Bounder,

 

How are you my brother ... it's been a long time.

 

It's funny how our lives and situation continue to be in parallel with each other.

 

A few weeks ago, a friend of mine asked me how I was doing after I had been out of touch with just about everyone in my life. I told him exactly how you feel ... exhausted. I believe this is a common stage in our healing process since we put so much of ourselves into making a relationship work out and coming up short.

 

We all lose a part of ourselves in a relationship. How could we not ... especially in long-term relationships. You've come to all of these realizations and they will make you a better person for someone else in the future ... like your parents. I know how much it hurts to be alone while your ex is happy with someone and had no problem moving on. Some people just have that ability to forget their past loves quicker than others. Just take your time with healing and believing in yourself again.

 

Stop thinking of your ex and what she has said and done ... easier said than done, I know. Having too much history is exactly what it is ... history. It's time to let her go.

 

I think it's a good thing that you took some time out for you to get back on track. It may have postponed some of your goals, but it will help in the long run to have a clear head.

 

Never feel you have sacrificed happiness for your career and personal ambitions. Your goals are the part of your life that make you an individual. You still have your own life to live. I lost my college sweetheart because of my career ambition, but I don't regret it now that the years have passed. She is married now and I am closer to my ultimate goal so we are both happy. Had I stayed with her, I wouldn't have met my current ex and experienced the true meaning of love ... good and bad.

 

It's been 8 months since my breakup and NC. Time has made me better and I have never looked back. Sometimes I feel like I am being cold-hearted, but I think of all that I've been through with her and I remember I did what's best for me. Continue to take time for yourself and focus on your present. You have so much to accomplish with your Master's degree. Take time away from girls in general. When you are feeling strong and confident again, they will come running.

 

Best wishes and keep in touch.

[Bounder]

Thanks everyone, and nice to hear from you Lost, long time no see. I am only a few short days away from my internship now, and I am excited. As far as I know, my ex has moved away, so the city is "mine" again, though we had 4 years here, so it will be hard to wipe that away....she gets to leave it behind, maybe that was smart.

 

Maybe there is a bit of jealousy in missing her, or maybe fear that i wont find anyone else....im too much of a combination of academic, culture addict and outdoorsman to find anyone that matches my whole package, rather than elements. I dont know, maybe its just plain old regret that i didnt try harder. I am exhausted by it all.