When the ex gets the point of NC and you can live on

[Speedway]

I mainly want to get this off my chest in writing and put this in the open.

 

How come it seems to me that some people want to be friends with their ex's especially after they themselves are in a new relationship? Is it a win-win situation for them - they have a new gf/bf and they want you to be their "friend" in times when they need something/are bored/can't stand being alone/don't want to hurt your/their feelings by cutting you out?

 

I was friends with my ex for months (wrong!) after our break-up but initiated NC a while ago when I learned that she's been involved with someone for two months (Me: "Why didn't you tell me before?" Her: "I didn't know whether it would lead to anything serious" - Yeah, right.). At that point I could not be a friend to hang out with, talk and chat anymore. I may be old-fashioned but I see no point in hanging out with your ex if you're already in a new relationship. I think that one should pursue happiness in the new relationship and forget any dealings with the ex.

 

After receiving an email yesterday from her asking for CD recommendations (why ask me?!), I replied explaining my view and said I wish to have no contact with her from now on. As I suspected, she felt a bit offended by my words and replied with a "I only wanted blahblahblah, have a nice life and perhaps we'll bump into each other sometimes".

 

I've read a lot on this forum in the last couple of weeks and have found some very good advice, ideas and point of views. I see my own rather foolish behaviour from the past and have recently realised the need to cut ties and contact to really move on. Yesterday's episode re-inforces that need. Perhaps she's also happy now and got a reason for not being friends anymore (and might have been looking for that all along).

 

So, time to look forward to life's little things. At least in my situation the NC hammered home the point that I don't want to be friends with my ex anymore and want a new perspective on life.

 

To all in the same boat I hope all goes well for you in the future.

 

--------------

"How can I go home

with nothing to say

I know you're going to look at me that way

and say what did you do out there

and what did you decide

you said you needed time

and you had time"

- Ani DiFranco -

[Majoraslayer]

I have learned one very important lesson out of this ordeal.

 

50% of the population have no hearts. The other 50% belong on eNotAlone because their other halves have broken theirs. For those fortunate ones in the 50% with hearts who have found a match that is also within their percentage, they STILL need to come to eNotAlone for advice. Using this logic, all of our exes should be wiped off of the planet and those with hearts should reign. We have a 50/50 chance of success!

 

Anyway, my point is that you're pretty lucky to have an ex with a heart. At least she is trying to respect your wishes for NC, and probably didn't want to tell you about the potential new partner because she didn't want to hurt you any more.

[Fisch]

Lol majoraslayer, I like to hope that it is a little more complex than that. Wipe em all out, isnt that a little extreme (I know your jking). Yea wanting to be friends and respecting NC are nice gestures and all, but its not like she didnt get anything out of it, friendship is a 2 way road. There are worse ways to handle someone you dumped though... I certainly know that.

[Goldfish6888]

This little site is the best kept secret I know! What would I do without it.

 

I know that without this site and reading about other people's strength, I would not be as able to keep on the straight and narrow with NC.

 

Weakling and softie that I am......I could find an excuse for any behaviour! lol..

[Majoraslayer]

The thing I've always wondered about this site is how that everyone can come here for consolation over a breakup, yet they never bump into their ex on here. My worst nightmare is to have her come in here and try to rip me apart again, but I have yet to see that happen to anyone. Its not so much that I feel my posts are private (I'm posting them for the public to see), but I still feel safe here because no one on here knows who I am to judge me.

[Fisch]

You got that right, I am pretty sure my ex even knows my name on here, I showed it to her once, and she posted some stuff herself on a different name. I hope that she either forgot my name, forgot about this site, or just hasnt bothered. But I was not willing to sacrifice it even if she did see, although maybe it would gain her some perspective on what she did if she did. Ive been on here for about 2.5 years and have since been called a breakup guru by someone I relayed the advice to. Thank youuuu enotalone.