Talking

[aberdeenhjetman]

After a lil IM convo tonight with my gf of 4 going on 5 months i could see something was wrong but didnt really go there. Then she kinda had a go at me and left.

 

I thought i knew the problem so i texted her applogiesing for my lack of talkativness and got this.

 

 

It's nothing to do with you in person, you're fine then i'm never happier. its jus I really don't think u care half the time, whenever I see u its coz I suggest it u never suggest it or want to unless I say, I saw u on Monday since then I've texted u several times u replied to one.... and that was with "k np", which is fair enough u were at work, but that's the most I get for days. E.g. u knew how excited I was about the stones hell I even texted u on the way back, even if we weren't together wouldn't it just be polite to reply?! Or ask about it or anything, yeah my first sess at the voluntary work today went fine thanks, seriously if I didn't tell u stuff u wouldn't know coz u don't particularly want to. I wouldn't mind that at all but I missed u and I wanted to talk 2 u and I got erm when I told u that? All it would take is in 1 of your replies jus 1 time maybe say how was your day or something.... I ask u stuff like that coz I genuinely want to know and I do actually care about it, I dunno, I know your not talkative but seriously you'd think you would wanna talk to me more than on

once a week n not need forcing, but don't start doing it jus coz i'm moaning, that'd be silly lol. n scrap all that, that would be fine but do u have any idea how much it hurts when I snap and have a go at u and openly ask u to talk to me, and u reply with "erm", then I act like a completely different person on msn and u don't even notice? So I have another go and u don't even get it then? What did u think I was joking? I know u jus said "even I can tell there's something wrong" but do u not realise that for you to realise that it took me having a go at u twice both of which I guess u took as a joke or something, me acting completely differently from normal, u might not talk much on msn but u know I do, and I sure as hell don't normally reply to stuff like that, and yet u didn't notice…. I jus really don't think u care at all, I have friends who notice when something is wrong when i'm acting like i'm fine and denying anything's wrong, so how is it that you can't tell when I'm acting completely out of character? How does that make any sense at all? Sorry, i'm just being a stroppy oversensitive * * * * *, i'm moaning for no reason and most people wouldn't even think about it. Sorry. Ignore it. And btw, how's that for an essay?

[melrich]

She's telling you that you are taking her for granted and she thinks you are not into the relationship.

[NJRon]

She has given you a literal cheat sheet of ways to let her know you care. Go through that email and make a list of everything she is asking you to do. Starting tomorrow, try to do one thing off that list every day.

 

Tonight though, send her a reply saying that you received the email and are reading it very seriously and will talk to her tomorrow about it. In a caring way, of course.

[aberdeenhjetman]

cheers guys.

 

forgot to sat that that was on IM she text me asking to come on and said that, which she'd prepared.

 

we talked for a lil bit but didnt really get anywhere and then she left saying

" ah i cant hack this im sorry i have to get up for work in the morn and i need to sleep, i know this is all my fault but i really cant deal with it"

 

feel kinda useless know, not to mention stupid.

[NJRon]

Well, like I said. she is pretty explicit in her message to you.

 

1. Start suggesting to get together. Invite her on a date.

2. Respond to her texts, even if only to tell her you are busy, but will get back to her later. And then get back to her.

3. Communicate with her on a daily basis... at least an email, text or phone conversation.

4. Show an interest in what she is doing. Ask her about her day. Ask her how she enjoyed an activity if she expresses excitement in that activity.

5. Don't only *act* interested, *be* interested.

6. Tell her to express her feelings when she has them. When she does, *listen* to them. *hear* her. Repeat back what you heard her say. keep doing that until you *understand* what she is saying and then act on it. Tell her that she shouldn't keep things hidden because you are not a mind reader... she needs to express things verbally to you.

 

Those are just the big categories... there are lots of individual, little things in those categories that you can do to show her you care. Don't fake it... do it.

[Momene]

She needs to be treated like a person. Do you treat friends and family like that?