Is anyone going to accept it?

[mdog]

So im gay/bi not really sure, but i know i do like guys more than i do girls. I dream of doing it with guys. But i do like girls too. Like in public i would rather be dating a girl than a guy. Or if im with friends and if a girl walks by i will be like "oh she's hot" and really mean it. I probaly known ever since 7th grade and now im going in to 10th grade. And you guys are the only people who know about this.

 

Well anyway a little bit more background, when i was younger my dad was never really there when our family has issues. He's the kind of person if our family is arguing about sumthing he will just walk out and never come back until later that night or sometime the next day. Also he worked a lot so he wouldnt be around for our "Family Problems". So the next person i relied on was my mom because she was always there. And if my mom was not there i would go to my older sister. So my dad and I dont really get along and he's annoying when he's home because i mean he was always gone. He thinks the same of me too. But he's trying so hard now to make up for what he didnt do back then.

 

So anyway, my family is the religious family. So of course gay=sin, but i guess how i think of it is gay=sin all i have to do is ask for forgiveness just like any other sin. But im really worried because im afraid my family isnt going to support me of it if i tell them. i dont know maybe my sister, but no one else. I mean i have heard everyone's opinion about it. My aunt thinks its gross and she cant believe that any guy would do that. My grandma in the beginning of the summer i was at her house and we were watching Oprah. my grandma was talking to my mom saying yesterdays show was about people turning gay or sumthin and how being gay is not wrong and my grandma said its wrong and my mom said the same thing. I was going to debate about it, but i was afraid they were going to think i was so i didnt say anything. I was very surprised for them saying that because they are the most religious out of our family. i was going to say to them "I dont think God put us on earth to judge people" but i didnt say it but i wanted to so bad. Proably the only person who would accept it would be my sister. 1st of all she is only a few years older than me so she is in my generation where people are turning gay. And she also has friends that are gay (guys). And she also said that "there is nothing wrong with being gay" when our family was talking about it.

 

Also, i dont think my friends are going to accept it. They probaly even know. Well at least my best friend thinks it which happens to be a girl. i dont know about my friends that are guys. I also feel depressed somedays because all my friends from school ditched me this whole summer except 2, the girl and this one kid so i already know the other 2 friends arent my true friends. There is also this guy i work with, i mean he's cool and nice. but i dont want to get to close to him because im afraid im going to get my heart broken because he is hot. We talk about work and how we hate this manager and stuff and he's funny too. I'm also kind of obsessed with him. I cant get him out my mind. Whenever i think about work/go to work i always think about him. Any suggestions? comments?

Oh and thanks for comforting me i felt like i just had to tell someone because it keeps eating me up inside. Sorry for it being so long.

[Anna.]

This SO tough. I think it's really commendable, though, that you have accepted your sexuality. Stay true to yourself. Good luck

[vfunkera]

Hi mdog,

 

While I really think your best answer will come from someone who has already been through what you've been through, I'll try to be of some help.

 

First of all, whether your gay, bi, hetro, metro or yellow makes no difference, the important thing is that unconsciously you are starting to be true to who you really are, and questioning the point of pretending to be someone your really not. Sounds great yea? Accepting you for you rather then accepting what society, or dare I say religion, wants you to be.

 

Your relationship with your father is one I can relate to and understand, since my father was always out morning, day and night in jobs and I never really got to know him. What is important to hear is that he is making up for lost time, and hopefully if you work on it too, you can build the father/son relationship and have it working in no time.

 

Of course, one of the, if not the hardest parts of 'coming out of the closet' is the possible break down of father-son, and on a wider scale, family relations. On this I cannot relate to and unfortunately have nothing to draw advice from. While I could speak liberally on the thought that they will support you and be cool about it, and even flirt with the thought that a family who doesn't accept you isn't worth holding on to as a backbone, its obviously not that simple, wise, easy and realistic, especially for someone in the 10th grade. Your family should usually be the first to know about you and your problems (i.e. family business), but I think we both agree coming out now will probably backfire on you, even more so having heard how your family, particularly your father, dealt with 'family problems' in the past.

 

Lets briefly understand why we are in the position we are. Unfortunately the society our parents grew up in, and the religious ideas your family (and maybe even yourself) live by strongly, 'outlawed/outlaws' homosexuals or bisexuals as crazy, weird, unnatural, 'gross', 'wrong' and sinful. While we can try and change this conception, it is hard to undo what a particular society has already created in the unconscious, especially traditional and religious people such as your family. What we can do is work on the future and build on today's much more lenient society, so get active i those issues.

 

My advice would be to keep it a secret for now, until you are in a position to tell your family or let them find out and afford to be independent of them, so whatever the consequences or actions they may take, you still have your own home, or flat or friends, or even your sister to got to. In fact, until then you can debate or listen to their conversations on gays and get an idea of how they really will react if and when you come out. You may actually find out they accept gays. A good way to get an idea of their reaction would be to curiously ask how they will react if a certain close family friend revealed he was gay, and what their reaction will be. Who knows?

 

Mdog, for all we know you might even meet a girl in the future who you think is 'hot', and really mean it, and find out you really get along with her so much you consider her your best friend, she gets along and really likes you as a person and attractively, and you end up spending the rest of your life with her! From what you've said, your future shouldn't be restricted to just a guy. Of course, don't take this conception as a reason to repress your desires for men. Just be who you really are, and what ever will be will be.

 

Above all mdog, forget those lost 'friends' for you are better off without them. Don't be depressed either because it is unresourceful. Keep your real friends close to you, and let them know they are special to you. Give your sister a warm hug next time you see her because 'that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost at thing'. Say 'I love you' to your loved ones and mean it. Spend time with your loved ones and cherish the moment for someday that person, those people, will not be there again.

 

Good luck.

 

Vfunkera

 

 

 

 

Oh, and don't obsess and be desperate over this guy! You have a life to live where many people, friends and loved ones, will come and go as you have recently found out.

[vfunkera]

Hi mdog,

 

While I really think your best answer will come from someone who has already been through what you've been through, I'll try to be of some help.

 

First of all, whether your gay, bi, hetro, metro or yellow makes no difference, the important thing is that unconsciously you are starting to be true to who you really are, and questioning the point of pretending to be someone your really not. Sounds great yea? Accepting you for you rather then accepting what society, or dare I say religion, wants you to be.

 

Your relationship with your father is one I can relate to and understand, since my father was always out morning, day and night in jobs and I never really got to know him. What is important to hear is that he is making up for lost time, and hopefully if you work on it too, you can build the father/son relationship and have it working in no time.

 

Of course, one of the, if not the hardest parts of 'coming out of the closet' is the possible break down of father-son, and on a wider scale, family relations. On this I cannot relate to and unfortunately have nothing to draw advice from. While I could speak liberally on the thought that they will support you and be cool about it, and even flirt with the thought that a family who doesn't accept you isn't worth holding on to as a backbone, its obviously not that simple, wise, easy and realistic, especially for someone in the 10th grade. Your family should usually be the first to know about you and your problems (i.e. family business), but I think we both agree coming out now will probably backfire on you, even more so having heard how your family, particularly your father, dealt with 'family problems' in the past.

 

Lets briefly understand why we are in the position we are. Unfortunately the society our parents grew up in, and the religious ideas your family (and maybe even yourself) live by strongly, 'outlawed/outlaws' homosexuals or bisexuals as crazy, weird, unnatural, 'gross', 'wrong' and sinful. While we can try and change this conception, it is hard to undo what a particular society has already created in the unconscious, especially traditional and religious people such as your family. What we can do is work on the future and build on today's much more lenient society, so get active i those issues.

 

My advice would be to keep it a secret for now, until you are in a position to tell your family or let them find out and afford to be independent of them, so whatever the consequences or actions they may take, you still have your own home, or flat or friends, or even your sister to got to. In fact, until then you can debate or listen to their conversations on gays and get an idea of how they really will react if and when you come out. You may actually find out they accept gays. A good way to get an idea of their reaction would be to curiously ask how they will react if a certain close family friend revealed he was gay, and what their reaction will be. Who knows?

 

Mdog, for all we know you might even meet a girl in the future who you think is 'hot', and really mean it, and find out you really get along with her so much you consider her your best friend, she gets along and really likes you as a person and attractively, and you end up spending the rest of your life with her! From what you've said, your future shouldn't be restricted to just a guy. Of course, don't take this conception as a reason to repress your desires for men. Just be who you really are, and what ever will be will be.

 

Above all mdog, forget those lost 'friends' for you are better off without them. Don't be depressed either because it is unresourceful. Keep your real friends close to you, and let them know they are special to you. Give your sister a warm hug next time you see her because 'that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost at thing'. Say 'I love you' to your loved ones and mean it. Spend time with your loved ones and cherish the moment for someday that person, those people, will not be there again.

 

Good luck.

 

Vfunkera

 

 

 

 

Oh, and don't obsess and be desperate over this guy! You have a life to live where many people, friends and loved ones, will come and go as you have recently found out.

[mdog]

thanks Vfunkera that was good advice. Yea i wasnt going to come out of the closet yet because i could probaly make even more problems for the family, but i probaly will once im the independent person and i dont have to rely on anybody even family(i know kind of sad, but i have to think the worst in this situation). that way if they dont like me for me well i guess they just lost their brother, son, grandson, nephew or w/e i am to them. But i agree with you basically kind of like the phrase "whatever happens, Happens for a reason." The friends thing, the problem with that is i dont know who my real friends are, but i hope i do meet them someday. Thank for helping out.

[WhyteSkaii]

Lol. I can totally relate to the whole my family thinks it's gross thing.i have times when i want to tell my mom about myself, but whenever the subject of gays pops into the conversation she talks about how gross it is. My family is a super religious family that believe its a sin though my mom thinks that people who are different have some sort of sickness or illness in the head.As for my brother he's never there for me -_- he's always out or in his room he's pretty much secluded from the family not to mention the black sheep of the family so i doubt i would ever tell him. Anyways that's not the point. However, I do agree with the Idea that you don't have to come out with it until you're ready, and sorry to hear about your 2 guy friends. But we can be your friends lol. As far as the guy from work eh you shouldn't be afraid of making friends with the same sex. For a while in my life i thought just like that. I would seclude myself from others and even promise myself i wouldn't make friends with guys because im scared of getting into a friendship that perhaps it might just end up getting more intimate than i would anticipate. But recently i made friends with a guy he's pretty down to earth, nice, pretty cute, except he's straight lol but he seems accepting and always knows how to brighten my day. He suspects that im gay lol though i deny it since im actually Bi so w/e, but on to the main point. Don't worry about getting to know him it doesn't have to end up with a relationship. Go for friendship first if things don't work out then theres only like billions and billions of other people in the world. I hope i made sense its pretty early/late for me right now lol so i'm just rambling on but yeah hope i helped Feel free to PM me anytime if you need to talk about how you're feeling or if you just want a friend

[FoxLocke]

Deleted by Foxlocke.

[mdog]

lol thanks WhyteSkaii and FoxLocke, The guy i was talkin about from work is straight too well at least he says he is but im not sure. But yea your right i shouldnt have to be scared to be friends with a guy, there is nothin tellin me since im bi i cant be friends with a straight guy, but yea your right. Yea i will definitely talk to u if i have another issue. Foxlocke, how do you even know that were born gay? I think thats an excuse if u ask me, but anyway im still believing its a sin, but like i said before i can ask for forgivness. Thanks for the advice im going use it this week since thursday is the first day of school and make new friends. lol

[FoxLocke]

I think thats an excuse if u ask me, but anyway im still believing its a sin, but like i said before i can ask for forgivness. Thanks for the advice im going use it this week since thursday is the first day of school and make new friends. lol

 

 

It's not an excuse. It is called acceptance. I didn't wake up oneday and think, "Hey, I'm going to be gay!" If you have a problem with your sexuality don't make sweeping generalizations about people who don't.

 

Continually saying that you believe it's a sin will do nothing to benefit you in the long run. That will only lead to self hatred and depression.

 

I don't believe in Christianity either. That makes it alot easier for me, being that the burden of sin no longer applies to my life. I don't have this guilt factor of god being ready to strike me down dead for something I had no control over.

 

I'm happy with me now.