Ok to be friends after break up?

[kiki]

Hi everyone, although im a new member here i have been getting support from reading other members experiences of breaking up before i joined. It really has helped

 

My problem is whether it is possible to remain friends after a break up? Heres a bit of background info.

 

I was with my boyfriend for 3 months before he split up with me. I knew there were problems during the relationship i.e: it was always me travelling 2 hours by train and bus to see him and he would not even escourt me to the bus stop home after i met him or come to visit me. Despite that i still really liked him. so i was in a state when he split with me but i accepted it.- this was around a month and a half ago and since then ive pulled myself together.

 

he insisted that he wanted to be friends so he calls now and again to chit chat, which is cool, but on saturday we both met at a friends do. we spoke as friends but i made sure i kept a distance.. but now i feel like crap again. i was doing so well moving on but since seeing him i cant stop thinking about him.. hes not called since then. i wish i knew how he felt

 

so is it possible for us to remain friends?

[Cid]

First I would like to tell you Welcome to ENA,

Next is yes you can still be frinds, I am with one of my ex's. You just need to give your self some more time to heal. Try to see him but bring a thrid wheel along, someone you are both frinds with. That should make it more fun. I hope that this helps.

[DN]

In your case I don't think it's a good idea because it hurts you when you see him. Anyway, judging by his behaviour he wasn't a good boyfriend and I doubt he would be any better as a friend.

 

he would not even escourt me to the bus stop home after i met him or come to visit me

.

[sweetie_33]

no.. its not a good idea.. you guys shouldnt stay friends.. i was on with a guy for almost 3 years.. we wanted to stay friends after the break up.. and ya ok it worked for awhile, but then a lot of problems started showing up.. so we got into a huge fight and stopped talking.. i dont talk to him anymore.. we stopped more then a month back.. u'll live with it and move on believe me.. i loved him soo much and was ready to give up anythin to be with him again.. but we werent meant to be, so i just moved on and took him out of my life forever...!

[No Spaces Rob]

My theory is that it is possible, but only if you are both willing to communicate and neither of you feel too proud or ashamed.

 

It's easy to tell if it's not going to work out. If you still feel pain, then it's not working out.

 

So in that case you really do need to do away with the friends thing. Give it 3 months and see how you feel about it then.

 

If he does get hold of you, tell him you feel like you need to put the past behind you and let's leave it at that for a while. Tell him you 'need time'.

 

If he doesn't understand that it's his problem. You need to worry about yourself.

 

If he is an understanding person then that's great. If he has changed after 3 months, then make your mind up then about whether you want to be friends. Chances are it won't have.

[kiki]

thanks for the advice everyone

 

i know.. but it just seems a shame that we cant even be friends just because these feelings are in the way i mean, its not as if he cheated on me... i know no contact for a while will be for the best.. but im a naturally caring person, so i still care for him... oh .. i dont know maybe i am too soft.

 

damn.. thinking about it hurts.. why is love so tough

[No Spaces Rob]

but im a naturally caring person, so i still care for him... oh .. i dont know maybe i am too soft.

 

That doesn't mean you are too soft. It means you are a wonderful person.

 

You now know that you have the ability to care for someone that much. That is a great thing to discover about yourself. You just didn't have the opportunity with him.

 

But you still have it in you. And you know that caring for him isn't good for you if you know you're not going to get anywhere, and if it makes you feel bad for yourself. So you need to care for yourself a bit.

 

damn.. thinking about it hurts.. why is love so tough

 

I don't know Maybe it is so we know when we've chosen the wrong person.