Im Stuck and im jus really frustrated, will i be like this forever...???

[shadowcat]

Just when i think im improving on things i always mess up, i been reading alot of tips, gettin news letters, read some books, on dating...but it all seems like any other fantasy book..thats what it is just a fantasy that cant come into ur world..i tried some of the things for a while but then i see that it gets me nowhere, sometimes i think Dave DeAngelo is "BS" with all of his stories...all these sites are jus stories, i tried applying them to rea life and still nothing....

anyways i dont know what to do, there must be somehow i can get rid of this shyness and studderness, if there aint, then i guess im scewed

[berzerk]

What are some examples that you have tried? And how did they fail?

[robowarrior]

How did the Russians beat the Germans? By brute force. It proofs that with hard work you can achieve great things, now don't get me wrong. Love and help everyone you meet, but sometimes it takes a very harsh approuch to get things done in your life, you need to kick your own as to get up and going, and achieve those things you want to achieve in life.

[ChronicWise]

Woah, again roboworrior couldnt have said it better,

 

hey roboworrior, i backed u up on ur advice on another thread in this forum.

 

youve said all the good stuff before i could say it...

 

im new here (enotalone), but so far, enjoying my membership/stay... so i dont plan to move out for a while... if u know what i mean...

 

so catch u both lata, peace for now and yes man, you can ACHIEVE great things, anyone CAN, especially if they are realistic and conceiveable in your own head.... why in the hell cant u get a girl? im not saying, u'll get model material.... but be realistic to ur self and in ur expectations, and just find that woman that u can be happy with...go out and do ur work, u gatta go out and try and nothing is going to fall out the sky on its own.... we didnt make it to the moon by saying it's all fantasy we could as human, never walk up there.... we keep trying and fail, it wont happen.... we cant find a curor for AIDS, cancer, so lets stop the research..... NO .... we succed by devoting to a project no matter how many failures because theres a drive deep inside that we know IT IS POSSIBLE and can be done, if time is applied.

YOU LEAR FROM YOUR FAILURES MAN, KEEP AT IT AND IT WILL BE ACCOMPLISED... YOU'LL GET A GIRL, GET LAID, blah blah.

 

sorry for the caps didnt mean to sound yelling just too lazy to unlock it and rewrite that sentense... lol

 

latrs people

[shadowcat]

What are some examples that you have tried? And how did they fail?

 

well i have said hi to girls which i coudnt do a couple of months ago, but when i engage in a conversation it seems like all the girls ive talked to get really bored of me, or i jus get stuck in the middle of a convo and dont know what to say....

theres been about 10 girls so far ive tried to engage in a convo with or "start something" and nothing still, i been readin all that bs from Dave DeAngelo but none of it seems to work...i dunno im kina confused, sometimes i think its the looks, sometimes i think its the way you talk..because i do have a studdering problem...yeah and my sense of hunor kina sux like when a girl tells me a joke and i dont find it funny i pretend to laugh and i tend to laugh ugly at that, and i end up with a weird look from the girl, i guess ive lost my sense of laughter cuz i had an emotional breakdown in my early days of my teens, dont get me wrong though...when something is really funny i lauhg out loud, but most the time i wont laugh..i dunno maybe its cuz im nervous....damn i jus hope i dont sounds like a wuss, i just want a way out, im sick and tired of all this

[BYOB]

It's fine you'll get at it plus you've improved; you've said it.

 

My own advices on your description of the situation:

 

You might want to try a different approach than be an entertainer. Since you lost some of your sense of humor and that you're (as I understand from your words) not interesting to listen to, try to take the role of an interogator. As a first step, it can develop your skills at speaking to women quite well. Then, you'd work again on implication into a conversation.

 

Ex:

What look more interesting to answer in the following sentences ?

I lost my cat and I feel really bad.

What do you do when you feel bad ?

Have you lost an animal once ?

 

The questions are the key to lead a conversation to something that she will have interest. Ask only two per conversation, TWO !(well don't have to count them) The longer she will speak, the longer it will determine the conversation. Obviously, if she asks you some, it will lead to a much more pleasant conversation.

 

I wouldnt suggest you to laugh if you don't think it's funny. Instead, just smile, and still; do it if you feel it's natural for you. Otherwise; it's just not your kind of humor and that is FINE.

 

Finally, speak up about your future experiences; I'm curious about how my advice will be good with you.

[now_better]

if you don't understand a joke or find it funny, it's okay to just smile. then try to come back with something else witty or change the topic entirely.

[shadowcat]

i think ill try that, but what kind of things can i ask her?? whats a good way to start..cuz usually when i start off a convo with a girl..its jus like " how r u", its a nice day blah blah then dead end*

[BYOB]

The questions are completely up to you to make them.

Of course, it gets easyer when you get to practice yourself at it and it's really useful at many things. I think many people would call it creativity/improvisation or at least, that's how I see it.

 

One basic rule;

What are the main reasons for you to approach someone (a woman) ?

 

Directions

Directions

All sort of directions

 

Those that comment are usually very easy to talk with but those that ask for something are the most interactive to talk with. How many times have you seen someone passing a misplaced comment or a question ?

Well comments are much more easyer to get misplaced than questions; I'd say by 50%.

 

When you don't know someone; you either have:

Some sort of link with: (Job, Activity, Neightbour,etc)

Not a damn thing

 

When you have some sort of link, you may speak about whatever you don't know and what's casual. Ask to borrow work material, pointing out rooms you don't know their location... I won't develop the matter too much as it's the easyest of the two. (Doesn't mean it requires no effort, though.)

 

When you don't have a damn thing linked with that someone, you'll have, most of the time, to make up something. Start with something very casual: time, indications for some place. Then, you inquire on some problematic that you don't have (or do have since it ends up easyer when making up the story). "Do you know where I can find the nearest bathroom ? I got my arm all itchy, do you think that cleaning with water might help ?" (Think about why did your skin get itchy, first) "Excuse me, do you have time ? (Once your watch is hidden) Oh, mind if I ask you something?-I need to paint my room and I'm split between two colors. (Then you show her the two paint colors that you have with you if she's approbative) Which do you prefer ?"

 

At first look, I'm telling you to lie; yes but it's for a good reason, a really good thing. Did you know that by simply approaching that random person that you don't know, you might make her day ?

 

In that case, if you never see her again, just start over with someone else. If you do, come up to her, tell your name, ask hers (and admit that she was useful to your problem). Ask her what she does here and leave; her interest in where you are. (TWO questions, if you're as shy as I'm thinking, you better leave than stay and look like shy alias a fool.) Next time, salute, saying her name, and ask her if she remembers you. Ask how she's doing and what's new. IF she remember your name OR she speaks up about one long new (rarer), ask her for a date at the end. Repeat but not too many time; it is well known that a good impression is made within first seconds so don't waste time coming back again and again for someone with no interest. (Do you know where to invite someone for a first date ? With all of the books that you spoke, I hope so but otherwise, post here that you don't.)

 

Aside of that, when to reveal your true intentions is when you get your second (not past fifth; but not at first neither) date.

 

Hope hat helps, because I just spent a lot of time to write you back

[Dating Coach]

It takes a lot more work than that. Perhaps you aren't intriguing enough in your conversations, perhaps you didn't flirt or tease enough, perhaps they simply weren't interested or had boyfriends.

 

You can't let a few rejections unsettle you or you will never improve. If you have to go through 100 rejections to get one yes, then do it.

[shadowcat]

alright thnx Byob...thnx for the advice, ill lookn into everything u mentioned