How do I get on my own two feet?

[RedyWaiting]

Hey everyone, I've been reading this forum for quite some time now and it' been really helpful so maybe you guys can help me with something.

 

I'm a 21 year old male, and I'm realizing that I haven't done anything with my life. I've always been shy since grade 5 due to a bad childhood in school and on to highschool. Because of that my self esteem is about at 1 (out of 10). I've really been down for the past several months and just haven't been glowing like I used to as a kid. So many things are going through my mind like the fact that I never had a girlfriend, I never had sex (doesn't seem like a big issue, but when it's all the world is talking about and my body/mind craves it, it is!) I'm just getting my drivers license now (when I could have done it at 16). I realize I only go out and do things with my friends. I can't get on my own two feet and do stuff. I go to the store occasionally, but that doesn't count hehe. Since I'm always so used to being around friends, and since we're getting older and everyone is doing their own thing, it's time I get off my * * *... but how? What do I do where do I go? I just got back from a trip to Cuba and it was great while it lasted and I was finally a bit happier, now I'm back and it's day 5 back at home and everything is back to it's lonely depressing self

I have a hobby which is kinda like a job too, I make music production at home which is very cool, but this isn't out there in the physical world. I only deal with Europeans overseas and with email so not much of a social life there. I also study in school, getting a degree now and finished a 3 year diploma, but I want more in my life, mentally, physically and especially emotionally because school is school and it doesn't compare anything to life experiences. Where do I begin with this mess?

[bebecole]

from what you wrote it seems like you have a good life. your healthy, have great friends and a cool job. your depressed about going out by yourself? and doing things on your own?? i can see how that could maybe bother you but who wants to do stuff by themselves anyway??

you can always start going to the gym and start running. Exercise is a good way to rid depression. And after a workout you always feel your best.

I dont think your in a huge mess. if you want a lady then your should maybe as your friends if they know i nice girl for you.

Try going to a bar or something with one of your buddies.

[RedyWaiting]

I geuss I'm looking for a way to get out there and be more social, to meet more people and to have more experiences. But I'm just so shy and lazy to do so

[nottoogreen]

Hi Redy&Waiting,

 

Welcome to eNotAlone!

 

Perhaps you want to balance your professional and recreational activities with a special someone, be it a friend or lover. You realize that being a sitting duck is depressing, it natural, thus set yourself some targets and work on them.

 

Your lack of confidence and perhaps low self esteem results from onesidedness, been there too.

 

It's important you get going.

 

If you have questions and need help, just ask.

 

Please read and remember this, Always!

• You are precious, your life is precious and you deserve to be happy!
  
• Look after your body and love yourself!
  
• When someone hurt or abused you it was not your fault!
  
• You have a future, you always will as long as you do not give up!
  
• You deserve to be understood, but to expect understanding is very foolish.
  
• Regrets are the most difficult feelings to deal with.
  
• Life often is like three steps forward and one step back. Expect setbacks and do not let setbacks bother you. Just move along your chosen path.
  
• All you can be is a loving healthy being to another loving healthy being. Being can be combinations of Parent/Child, Partner, Friend, Lover and Master/dog.
  
• Realistic expectations. Carefully consider your expectations as unrealistic expectations breed resentment and set you up for failure.
  
• Be realistic about your ability and carefully consider your ability as your failure to meet your expectations hurts you and may hurt others.
  
• Patience and persistence. Changing any situation or yourself takes time and effort. Changing your feelings takes time and is often painful. It does make sense to endure reasonable pain for a better happier future.
  
• Adaptability of your mind. Your biggest strength is that your mind adapts to what you do often and the more so, the more motivated you are. As you move up, your mental ability increases. This strength is also your biggest weakness as your mental ability decreases when you are frustrated or unmotivated. Your mind also adapts to negative thinking. Thus it is important to think positive!
  
• Break circles of thought. If you realize that you think or fear the same again and again, break out of it by telling yourself: STOP, NO WORRIES. Divert your thoughts away from a circle of thought. The Mental survival activities or Exercise activities below may be of help to distract you.
  
• Mental survival activities. Develop one or more mental activities which can occupy your mind and give you a sense of calmness and accomplishment. One activity should be as simple as possible in order to be performable at any time. Exercise these activities regularly. Examples are: writing poems, writing down feelings, drawing, a journal and reading. Use the Exercise activities below as alternative and for backup. Be prepared and never run out of supplies to perform these activities. These activities train you on focusing your mind and give you a sense of accomplishment.
  
• Exercise activities. Develop an interest in one or more physical activities and perform these regularly. Examples are push-ups, sit-ups, running, swimming and biking. At least have one activity you can perform in your room and one out-door activity. Exercise is healthy and gives you a sense of accomplishment.
  
• Be sure you have enough sleep. Sleep deprivation makes manic and leads to countless secondary problems from anxiety, over-acting, over-excitement, over-thinking to under-performing. If you can't sleep, perform Mental survival activities and/or Exercise activities until you relax enough to fall asleep. Given training and experience, you will relax and fall asleep! No pills needed!
  
• KISS - Keep It Simple Stupid. Do not over-act, over-excite or over-think.
  
• Help - If you have questions or need help, please post or seek professional help!
  

[vandgsmom]

If you produce music, then find the market for what you do closer to home and throw your free time into self promotion. Go to partys, go to clubs, meetings, etc.. It could be a triple play.

You will be working at something you like, you will be out (alone, as it isn't kosher to bring the buddys w/you when trying to woo clients), you will be within your comfort zone (music), and you might just meet the love of your life while you are at it.

Turn off the computer right now, get up, and go DO something about it.

[lanty3]

hello R&W, if there`s a reason fate led me to this website, it`s to talk to people like you. i`ve been in your position most of my life . i`m 46! and i have nothing to show for it.

the advice you`ve gotten so far is good. i would add that you need to be patient with yourself ; but not so patient you become complacent. practice doing things,even small things,right away. this can build up your sense of initiative and confidence.

don`t be afraid to take chances,small ones at first,but keep trying. something will come out of it.

i know it`s a cliche but, IT`S TRUE ......you`ve got your whole life ahead of you! if you sit around and develop fear and self pity you`ll end up looking back on alot of empty , wasted years. i`m still a relatively young man but i hate to see guys like you lose thier early adulthood.

[hardcharger]

sit down and repeat this, I will be open to opportunity when it comes to me. Cultivate different interests. I have many varied interests and responsibilities and in each interest I have different friends and aquantances that enrich my life. Try your best to grow personally, read good books, go to Amazon and get "as a man thinketh by Paul Allen". Put that by your bedside and read it every night. Then work on your body, exercise is great and I have friends because of that. How about spiritual, maybe there is some kind of church you can go to, not even every week but regular, and maybe join a committee. You a little young for a service club, but that is always a thought. Look for areas where you might be able to contribute your specialized knowledge, for free.

[RedyWaiting]

Thanks for the responses guys, I'll try look into something with music vandgsmom and I'll definitely read that book hardchanger. I just got into reading, wasn't a fan of it at all before, but now I've been more interested