IRON ROOTS Posted August 19, 2006 Share Posted August 19, 2006 sunday marks the forth year since my moms suicide... she was successful that day. my uncle took her off the machine ten days after that... next wednesday for that day of hell...then he called me... at work...its not his fault, we hadnt talked in a long time... now things are better between us...(him and i) strange... this sunday i will be going to a bbq at my girlfriends dads..(do i want to go...no) this will be the third year she has forgotten...(was i asked if this weekend was a good one for going to her dads? um...) she wants to see the new puppy..what... i expressed feelings that id rather not join... and that i might have something to do...but i dont want to get in the way of the things she seems to be happy about... we are just doing better... and she wants to see her father and step monster plus their newborn and some new puppy... joy...insert fake smile... it sounds like im complaining...and no matter what the situation is you only hear one side of the story... here is my take... my mom was a great women who lost her battle with guilt... she had everything someone could want... (imagine what that means to you any apply...) but was never happy... she also lost control of her usuage... when guilt took over so did drugs...when i went to her funeral most of her friends didnt even know she had a son...( ok i met my mom when i was fourteen... she was deported to canada when my father started cheating on her... "something just happened" i think was his side...and things were sometimes rocky between us, but we were proud of each other and had good communication...) im still complaining here...sorry... im simply bummed out and tired of fighting with this women... i like her family but i dont know if i can suck it up for her this weekend and hang... i would to be alone, to forget everyone else and remember my mom... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sweetie_33 Posted August 19, 2006 Share Posted August 19, 2006 i really dont knw wat to say to actually make u feel better... its sad and im sry u should know, that life does go on... and im sure ur mum wants u to be happy and she's watching u from above.. just remember the good times u and her had together, live with those memories and let go of the bad ones and the ones that hurts u and her at the same time.. i know that anything i'll say wont be good enough...but i just hope u feel better and im here if u need someone to talk too..im sry again... takecare... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IRON ROOTS Posted August 19, 2006 Author Share Posted August 19, 2006 life is going on... and thank you, very much...truly kind words... i have only the best memories of her...(with her) and the fact that you you said anything at all is plenty... i wish for her to be with my angels and in a good place as she was not in one when she decided to go... i wish there was more understanding... (from me and from those i have around me)... but you need not feel sorry.. pls... today is just a tough day... my hands hardly want to type... thank you... its tough when you just want to get it out and there is no one to just listen... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nottoogreen Posted August 19, 2006 Share Posted August 19, 2006 Hi IRON ROOTS, Welcome to eNotAlone! I am sorry about your mom. I lost my alcoholic-dad age 14 to suicide and feel with you. You seem to feel like your gf pushes/drags you around, please tell her you need the weekend this year to yourself because of your mom. IMHO, you are too soft. Be a bit selfish and look after yourself, speak up to those who need to know what you feel! And if you want to talk, we always will be her for you. Please read and remember this. Always! Most important to remember and perform. This is the most important part of this guide. Please take it seriously as your success largely depends on it. You are precious, your life is precious and you deserve to be happy! Look after your body and love yourself! When someone hurt or abused you it was not your fault! You have a future, you always will as long as you do not give up! You deserve to be understood, but to expect understanding is very foolish. Regrets are the most difficult feelings to deal with. Life often is like three steps forward and one step back. Expect setbacks and do not let setbacks bother you. Just move along your chosen path. Realistic expectations. Carefully consider your expectations as unrealistic expectations breed resentment and set you up for failure. Be realistic about your ability and carefully consider your ability as your failure to meet your expectations hurts you and may hurt others. Patience and persistence. Changing any situation or yourself takes time and effort. Changing your feelings takes time and is often painful. It does make sense to endure reasonable pain for a better happier future. Adaptability of your mind. Your biggest strength is that your mind adapts to what you do often and the more so, the more motivated you are. As you move up, your mental ability increases. This strength is also your biggest weakness as your mental ability decreases when you are frustrated or unmotivated. Your mind also adapts to negative thinking. Thus it is important to think positive! Break circles of thought. If you realize that you think or fear the same again and again, break out of it by telling yourself: STOP, NO WORRIES. Divert your thoughts away from a circle of thought. The Mental survival activities or Exercise activities below may be of help to distract you. Mental survival activities. Develop one or more mental activities which can occupy your mind and give you a sense of calmness and accomplishment. One activity should be as simple as possible in order to be performable at any time. Exercise these activities regularly. Examples are: writing poems, writing down feelings, drawing, a journal and reading. Use the Exercise activities below as alternative and for backup. Be prepared and never run out of supplies to perform these activities. These activities train you on focusing your mind and give you a sense of accomplishment. Exercise activities. Develop an interest in one or more physical activities and perform these regularly. Examples are push-ups, sit-ups, running, swimming and biking. At least have one activity you can perform in your room and one out-door activity. Exercise is healthy and gives you a sense of accomplishment. Be sure you have enough sleep. Sleep deprivation makes manic and leads to countless secondary problems from anxiety, over-acting, over-excitement, over-thinking to under-performing. If you can't sleep, perform Mental survival activities and/or Exercise activities until you relax enough to fall asleep. Given training and experience, you will relax and fall asleep! No pills needed! KISS - Keep It Simple Stupid. Do not over-act, over-excite or over-think. Help - If you have questions or need help, please post or seek professional help! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sweetie_33 Posted August 19, 2006 Share Posted August 19, 2006 ya.. just do what makes u feel better.. u dnt have to go to ur gfs house this weekend if u dnt feel like it.. and hey, we're all here to listen to u and support u! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IRON ROOTS Posted August 19, 2006 Author Share Posted August 19, 2006 thanx as well nottog... yes the tools you have are good ones and some of them make me smile... KISS brings back the memories of moms rehab... yes this women and i have had some history... we are just getting along again and am giving its last shot... funny you say i need to speak up... my friend who lost his mom (cancer)and i were just talking this evening (not two hours ago...) about how hard it is to give people that information... how hard it is to talk about death and dieing and let them be a part of it... sure you can talk about it once, maybe twice... but you start to come accross as a complainer... "get over it" right??? its hard for good friends to hear that same, well...s--- over and over again... i agree with you though... i want to celebrate my mom... (and i do) times are tough right now... and id rather not deal with her(my gfs) drama... people just dont understand... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IRON ROOTS Posted August 19, 2006 Author Share Posted August 19, 2006 thanx sweetie_33... unfortunately what makes me feel better is not always the right thing... but i know the difference... i dont do anything that i dont want to(right?) but i dont want to make her feel bad for not remembering... its just not something i talk about withher.. is that allright? any way... thank you... im just having a hard time spitting it out here.. i know there is no easy answer... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nottoogreen Posted August 19, 2006 Share Posted August 19, 2006 You are welcome IRON ROOTS! Well for training, you can hang around here, read and give advice. It develops ones personality and can balance one a lot. Lots of people forget that all one can be is a loving healthy friend/partner to ones loving healthy friend/partner. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IRON ROOTS Posted August 19, 2006 Author Share Posted August 19, 2006 some of my friends know that i go through these tough times... and because of that they come to me for advise... a few call it their reality check.. sometimes it comes accross dark and terminal, but it is always from a good place... its hard to trust and never have i wanted to betray that... this is nice to have a different venue to express feeling in which i feel i have sometime felt ive exhausted in my close friends... i hope to help, heal and help to heal... how do i say all that and then say... "sometimes it is so hard to go on..." i wish i had more answers.. none of this easy... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nottoogreen Posted August 19, 2006 Share Posted August 19, 2006 eNotAlone is a special place. ... i hope to help, heal and help to heal ... Well put! This is what I feel. how do i say all that and then say... "sometimes it is so hard to go on..." i wish i had more answers.. none of this easy... Succeeding is rarely easy. I wish you patience and persistence! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nottoogreen Posted August 19, 2006 Share Posted August 19, 2006 Oh, you can read: Wicked for lots of interesting stuff and interesting posts and get to know the place better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bethany Posted August 19, 2006 Share Posted August 19, 2006 Iron, if you do not want to go to the BBQ, then don't go. It is not selfish to want time by yourself, Remind her what day it is and explain how you feel. If she doesn't or won't understand, dont go anyway. This isn't about her, this is about your right to spend a day in thought with your Mum. I was very much like her a long time ago, but through my own losses, I see now that people who have not lost someone close cannot understand, but this does not mean you lose the right to grieve and heal at your own pace. Take this time for you. There will be other BBQ's and the puppy will still be cute, whether you go or not. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IRON ROOTS Posted August 19, 2006 Author Share Posted August 19, 2006 thank you too bethany, i woke up this morning feeling better and am taking all this advise to heart... talking about my mom has been hard, there are so many feelings i compartmentalised and put away that when i think about her everything gets overwelming... its been a long road here... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spugly Fuglet Posted August 21, 2006 Share Posted August 21, 2006 IRON ROOTS What your feeling is right and true, you miss your mother now she has passed into shadow. its what we all go throw to grater or lesser amounts. The how of her death dos in fact mean very little what matters now is how you deal with the loss. It can pull you down as you greve or you can thing about what she left behind. YOU I have siad this meny time on there here, she made you, half of your very body is her. Your life is testemnet to who she was, Be true to her and be strong for her memery. Honnor her and remember her but not in the past do it in the here and now in what you say and do. Take strenght from this thught, and live and full and happy life. One day you will have children and when you do there will be even more of your mother in the worlds as they will hold with in them parts of her as well. I hope my words help Spugly Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IRON ROOTS Posted August 22, 2006 Author Share Posted August 22, 2006 this year has been a tough one... i recently received an audio tape of one of her attempts... it was strange to hear her saying goodbye to the world... i had it for a while before i decided to listen to it... your words are very kind and i take them to heart... thank you very kindly... things are good and for some reason thoughts come and go out of my head... good and bad... this seems like a good place to let some things out or at least into the air... people here are very nice... thank you all again! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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