ashammed

[jesser]

Hello

I have some sort of eating disorder. I haven't really talked about it to anyone but i have mangaged to control it well for the past 7 months.

I used to read a girls online open diary about her eating disorder which made mine seem so insignificant. I wish I had never read it. I worry now that it may have encouraged her, having so many people reading it. When I look back and remember what I did and how I saw things I feel so guilty, ashammed and anxious.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

Firstly - there is NO shame in having an eating disorder. It's not your fault, it's nothing you've done wrong.

 

It's part of the Eating Disorder thinking to assume that everyone else's disorder is more serious and more deserving of help than your own. The fact is - it doesn't matter - EVERYONE with an eating disorder suffers, EVERYONE deserves help.

 

Having read many such diaries myself, and been part of eating disorder online communities for people who are both trying to recover, and people who arn't, I can tell you for a fact that this girl would continue with her disorder whether or not you read her diary and left a comment, or whatever you thought. Her eating disorder has enveloped her so much she writes an online journal about it - she's in way too deep to be affected by anyone who reads it.

 

Now, about you. . . . it clearly makes you feel bad to read things like that, make it a policy for your own good never to do so again. Next....if you want to recover from your eating disorder (and you may or may not be ready, I don't know you and how much you want to get better), you will find it a much more fruitful mission with personal and professional help on your side. Start with the personal - is there a good friend or parent you could tell? From then on, see about getting psychiatric help either through your local hospital/doctor/college/university (I don't know how old you are).

 

I'd recommend link removed to you as well, it's an excellent safe site for people with eating disorders.