Is lie sometimes better than the truth?

[sam2confused]

I'm new to this forum and posted for the first time yesterday. For background information:

 

 

Something happened and it's rather urgent.

We watched a film last night with some young sexy girl in it.

My wife wakes up at 7:30 am this morning and wants to discuss her looks.

I promised to talk to her in an hour (she's walking the dog now)

 

The actress was very good looking.

But, should I lie? If I say she's hot, there will only be more questions:

Do you find her more attractive than me?

Is she sexier than me?

Would you sleep with her if you could?

Why not?

… and who knows what else…

 

Should I lie and just say I don't find her attractive at all?

It wouldn't be that big a lie anyway; I honestly don't care how she looks. The only woman I want to be with is my wife. But if I tell her that, she'll ask why WOULDN'T I want to be with a better looking woman (Referring to my constant looking at other girls. I'm guilty of that, but I honestly didn't realise how much that bothered my wife. I stopped that now.)

 

Now I have to decide quickly – to lie or not?

Any opinions will be appreciated.

[Hope75]

Hi THere,

 

It seems the bigger question is why your wife feels the need to interrogate you about an actress who is clearly not a threat to your relationship?

[sam2confused]

She feels insecure because of my constant looking at other girls – I didn't realise how bad that is.

She feels she's not 'good enough' for me.

 

And, it's not like she interrogates me. I don't have to answer that question.

But we are trying to talk things out and sort out our relationship.

[maasikus]

Sam,

 

It sounds like ur wife is insecure in some level, and constantly compares herself with other pretty women. You could go ahead and *lie* and tell her that you find this actress unattractive. But on a more mature level, I think you should discuss it with your wife and tell her it is irrational to get upset about these things, and most men and women look. It does not mean you love your wife any lesser. My husband and I even watch porn together and discuss pretty girls...I am not suggesting that you do this too. To each his comfort level...

 

There is no big deal. As long as you know that ur s/o is the most important person, and you would not do anything stupid to mess that relationship, looking is definitely acceptable. To me, it sounds like she needs to understand and accept that, rather than you telling *white lies* to keep the relationship healthy. Just my 2 cents.

 

Good luck with the *conversation*

Maasikus

[Oldboy]

I think you should get to the root of her insecurites. Does she not feel attractive to you? If this is part of it then maybe you should jump on her bones nore often and at innoportune moments too.

The looking at other women is not her only problem. And you'd be looking at them when she's not around anyway. There's nothing wrong with appreciating good looks. You just need to let her understand that that's all you're doing... looking.

Have you tried to let her understand this?

[sam2confused]

Have you tried to let her understand this?

I told her that. Many times.

I'm trying to be gentle and considerate and don't even look at girls when she is not there.

How else can I make her understand?

[Oldboy]

If paying compliments and giving her more attention isn't working and you're still getting flak then there is a deeper problem. How old is she? Is she approaching mid-life crises perhaps. This can happen way before middle age.

What I'm trying to point to is that maybe she percieves herself as being no longer attractive to you. She may be angry about this. She's getting older and can't handle it.

Reassure her of her place in your heart so that she knows that you are ok with her perceptions of herself. Then work out why she is so down on herself. Does she feel trapped. Has her self esteem taken a hammering? Something's changed in her. Circumstances, new awakening, thoughts about where her life is going and thinking of the past etc.

[sam2confused]

Big thanks to everyone for replying!

 

What I'm trying to point to is that maybe she percieves herself as being no longer attractive to you. She may be angry about this. She's getting older and can't handle it.

Spot on!

We talked yesterday and she told me exactly the same thing.

It seems that she didn't mind (at least not that much) me looking at other attractive women when there were closer to my age. Now that we are older (she's 7 years younger than me BTW), the girls I look at, (often) could be my daughters. When she talked about it she sounded almost disgusted

 

Anyway, we talked and I didn't lie.

We now understand each other better, but we are still far from what we used to be.

[hardcharger]

She feels she's not 'good enough' for me.

what's the problem, you should take advantage of that and let her show you she's good enough for you.