Slowwwwing downnn

[kboykb]

Alright! I met this girl a few weeks back - or rather, we went out on our first date about 2 weeks ago. Now I know a couple of her friends and one came up to me and told me she was excited about our first date, so that kinda showed me how she felt about me.

 

We went on the date and spent a lot of time together. It was cool, no problems. Ever since then we've been hanging out.. a lot. Spending the night over each others' houses and stuff like that (no kissing / making out or anything, just hanging out, which is cool). The thing is... well.. sometimes I like to chill by myself. I do like me time, and usually night time is the only time that I can get it! I don't mind spending 2 or 3 nights a week with her, but it seems like every night she wants to do something , or not even something, just me coming over and watching a movie / spending time with her.. it's kinda overbearing, some nights I just wanna come home from school, lay in the bed, watch tv, get on the computer, and fall asleep. I hate having to make up a tale of having to do school work or something like that to avoid a night with her. It's not that I don't want to spend it with her (because it's nothing wrong with her), I dunno..

 

Maybe it's because I'm not really in a rush to be in another relationship (she knows) - I think I may need a little bit too much me-time sometimes, but it's just how I am. Or maybe I should just hang out with her during the day so my nights can be free? I don't know, I'm bad at expressing emotions and whatnot - just kinda stuck in a lull here. Any suggestions?

 

Or strangely enough, like all shy people I'm bad at saying "no".. maybe if I just said "I'm a bit tired tonight, we can hang out tomorrow though" it would be okay.. *sigh sigh*

[holyohio]

She wants you to make a move.

 

If you keep repeating this behavior, she will eventually get the hint. But, beware, this will be the point-of-no-return. She will never be attracted to you again.

[VIRGOLDY]

kBOY.There is nothing wrong with needing alone time. I am like that too. Maybe if you tell her upront you need time to unwind you will be much more attentive to her. If you say nothing she WILL take it persoanl and think you're blowing her off. Just let her know. She will either respect your feelings or not.............but TOO much too soon can also kill a potential relationship.

[kboykb]

Holy:

 

Yes yes I know.. we came dangerously close to kissing last night. I'm not afraid of making a move at all.. I don't know what I'm worried about.. it's something I should think about. I guess I just know that if I kiss her it will definitely end up being a serious relationship (i'm not saying i want a fling or anything, i'm just kinda trying to take a break from the big relationships for a while, my last one was 4 years and it kinda drained me...)..

 

ahh I don't know what to do...

 

Virgo:

 

That's definitely true, she can either respect it or not.. i just gotta weigh your and holy's opinions and see which one to do. Thanks for the feedback though guys!

[Fisch]

Yea your best chance here is to let her know the truth. Be honest but tell her that you like her also. Dont be indirect or go too soft on her. Tell her you hope she can understand because you are really enjoying your time together, but you value alone time to deal with certain things etc etc. Good luck.

[Rain__man]

It sounds to me like she may already think you two are going to be more serious than you do, and I agree with everyone, you need to lay it all down. About not wanting a heavy relationship and needing time to do yo' thing.

 

It might be better to just let it fade, than to keep leading her on like this, if you think it through and want to be alone right now. She sounds like she's looking for an LTR.

[holyohio]

Holy:

we came dangerously close to kissing last night. I'm not afraid of making a move at all.. I don't know what I'm worried about..

 

What is this? Mission: Impossible?

 

First question, do you want a relationship with this girl? You said in the future you might. I think you might just be scared.

 

Second, she's hanging out with you so much because she wants something to happen. She really wants you to make a move. If you want more "me" time and the answer to question 1 is no, then just start telling her you are busy. She'll eventually get the clue that you aren't interested and won't hang out with you as often (if at all...she might perceive it as rejection).

 

If the answer to no 1. is yes, realize that if you do make a move and it DOES develop into a LTR, she MIGHT be one of the girls who is cool with just hanging out 2-3 days a week (like you said) or she MIGHT be the one who is at your house 24-7. You either need to talk about this or start telling her you are a really busy person and only spend 2-3 nights a week with her.

 

That being said, I dont think you really like "me" time. I have an inkling that you are a little shy and not very comfortable around women, so you make excuses to mask the fact. Thats okay, mate ! She obviously goes out of her way to try to hang out with you. SHE LIKES YOU. It's all good !

 

I'm also a naturally introverted person as well and sometimes I enjoy being left to my own devices. I also have a happy relationship with a great girl. If you don't like making up stories about doing school work, a simple "oh, im busy tonight" will suffice. If you think it will hurt her feelings if you tell her this (and it won't), simply add on "but we can hang out xxx night, I think I'm free then..."

 

It'll give her something to look forward to and might even up her attraction for you, if you are trying to do that sort of thing.

 

Godspeed !

[Dating Coach]

I was thinking along the same lines as holyohio. If you have any interest in this girl then you should make a move the next time you hang out otherwise she's going to get bored and/or take a hint and stop hanging out with you. When she's gone I can easily see you suddenly realizing what you may have missed and then stressing about it/trying to get her back.

 

If you have ANY interest in this girl I would try to get over your inhibitions and kiss her. What is "dangerously" close to kissing anyway? Kissing isn't dangerous, it's fun!

[kboykb]

lol Sorry for that "dangerously" - didn't mean it like that. To the first question holy, at times I do, then the part of me that doesn't want a relationship turns me back. I really do think I'm scared - once I get over this little hump I should be okay. Holy you make a lot of good points though and you understand my inne feelings quite well!

 

Communication is a problem I lack, which is why my last relationship turned out so bad. I just let things that I didn't like keep going on and on because I didn't say anything, but this time I will. So I think I'm gonna go through with it! I'll just let her know about how much we should hang out etc., and go from there.

 

(And kissing is indeed fun Diggitiy lol!, don't worry though I'm going to make a move soon)

 

Thanks for the replies everyone!