Problems with girl who is taken

[southpasdena]

Deleted by mod

[puppeteer]

dude...shes taken.

 

 

have some class and find a single girl.

 

how would you like it if some guy moved in on your girl while you were away?

 

 

persuing this would simply be for your own selfish reasons.

[southpasdena]

Deleted by mod

[LostInMyThoughts]

i have had the same thing happen to me in the past with my ex and i know how it feels. And that is why i havent persued it even though i so badly want to. I just dont know what to do. Do i see her, do i not, do i tell her how i really feel or just leave it at i like you

 

Don't see her. Distance yourself from her, and try not to dwell on the thoughts about her.

[Fisch]

Thats a no go bro. Tell her how you feel and leave her alone. Dont pressure her, and most definitely dont try to interfere with her relationship. I shouldnt judge but that would just be messed up, however I give the advice because it is best for all parties... trust us. After all if you make her choose between you and him, he has just been away, and maybe she is just keeping you around for when he is away. There are a million explanations and possibilities, if you really want to see if you and this person have a connection you dont want to screw things up by being part of a bad situation that would come about if you interfered. Sorry about your situation and good luck.

[southpasdena]

deleted by mod

[House]

Please do not do what I did, it hurt so much...

 

My situation was similar. I had a really good friend who had a b/f. When she was having problems with him she turned to me and told me that she liked me, probably looking for some sort of temporary replacement. In the end she told her b/f, they worked things out and I got my heart smashed. I should have known better than to get involved with someone who was already taken, and I will never do so again. Our friendship hasn't been the same since.

 

It was hard though, especially when you get so close to someone and they tell you that they are falling for you too. Trust me, stay out of it. Talk to her and tell her that you do not want to get hurt... I wish I had done that... I'm still reeling from that, even if it was only a matter of weeks ago. It makes you feel bad about yourself and lowers your self confidence, and trust me when I say that's not something that a single guy needs.

 

I hope this helps.

[southpasdena]

deleted by mod

[Dating Coach]

southpasadena, you are correct, it is your fault because it wasn't an accident that you moved in on this guys girlfriend. You knew she had a boyfriend and instead of imposing rules, you moved in. Even if you moved in hesitantly, you still moved in.

 

My fiance' wasn't single on our first date. I didn't know that. I met her at a club, danced with her, and had a good time. Before I left I got her phone number and invited her out. I took her to a comedy club, had a blast, and then went someplace to be alone with her afterwards. It's when I tried to kiss her that I found out. She turned away as I tried to kiss her and she told me she couldn't because she still had a boyfriend. Instead of playing the pushover nice guy and sympathizing with her, I flat out told her that she should never have gone out with me if she had a boyfriend. She tried to defend herself by saying that their long distance relationship was about over but I wouldn't have any of it. I took her home and dropped her off. I did feel a little bad about abruptly ending things in case it was true that her relationship was pretty much over so I left her my phone number and told her to give me a call when she's single.

She did about 10 days later, her and her boyfriend split, so I took her out again. The ONLY reason I gave her a second chance is because she didn't kiss me when I tried to, even though she wanted to. It was wrong of her to go out on a date with me and not tell me she had a boyfriend but she didn't kiss me, so I gave her one more chance. It's been almost 3.5 years and she hasn't ruined her last chance.

 

So you are the one at fault because you knowingly moved in on a taken women. You easily could have done what I did and tell this girl that you do not mess around with taken women and that if she wants to see you she has to be single.

 

As far as her telling you that she likes you more... BS. Who is she with? HIM. She likes him more. What she likes more than him is him+you, so she's getting double the attention.

 

If you have any sense of what's right, you'd put a firm end to this.

[RufusDawes]

Who cares if she is taken.. mate. Make your move, do what you will. Cop the consequence latter. This is your life. You only live once. If you really have feelings for this girl that you would want to come between an established relationship, then screw him. Do what you need to do, all is fair, in love and war. I say all this with full expectations that you are willing to accept the consequences of your actions whatever they may be. I'm not going to discuss the broader concept of morality but you simply need to decide what is more important to you, is she really worth it. Was she worth it ? - worth dieing for.

[Dating Coach]

Who cares if she is taken.. mate. Make your move, do what you will. Cop the consequence latter. This is your life. You only live once. If you really have feelings for this girl that you would want to come between an established relationship, then screw him. Do what you need to do, all is fair, in love and war. I say all this with full expectations that you are willing to accept the consequences of your actions whatever they may be. I'm not going to discuss the broader concept of morality but you simply need to decide what is more important to you, is she really worth it. Was she worth it ? - worth dieing for.

 

This Gung Ho attitude will not serve him. He's obviously attached to her and if she cheats on her boyfriend and uses both of them then she will cheat on him and use him in the future. He's clearly not showing strong enough tendencies to be able to stand up to this girl enough to make sure she's loyal. All your advice will do is cause him to get crushed later, even if he succeeds and gets her from the other guy.

[cheatin in your dreams]

No no no nooo....

 

I totally sypathise with this guy. I'm in a similar situation - check my post, and I'm so confused it's ludicrous.

 

It's a case of

 

1 - Is something wrong in their relationship? Why else would she look elsewhere?; and

 

2 - If I back off, will that send the wrong impression? The last thing you wanna do is be (partly) responsible for someone staying a relationship out of duty and/or lack of options. OK, they need to be strong enough to break the relationship anyway, but I've seen people do it and live happily with the person they broke off for.

 

Sorry I can't help southpasdena any more, but I'm just saying it's not as black and white as some would have us believe.

[Dating Coach]

No no no nooo....

 

I totally sypathise with this guy. I'm in a similar situation - check my post, and I'm so confused it's ludicrous.

 

It appears that you sympathise because you are in the same situation, you're infatuated with the girl, and you want to believe it will work out in your favor. You've got a clear motive.

 

It's a case of

 

1 - Is something wrong in their relationship? Why else would she look elsewhere?; and

 

Something wrong in her relationship? Don't make excuses for her. She's cheating, that's what's wrong with her relationship. If there was something really wrong, she would simply end it with the guy and leave. She didn't leave so she clearly is getting two guys to fawn over her... that's double the attention.

 

2 - If I back off, will that send the wrong impression? The last thing you wanna do is be (partly) responsible for someone staying a relationship out of duty and/or lack of options.

 

More excuses. You aren't in any way shape or form responsible for someone staying in a relationship. That is soley THEIR choice, and if they choose that then they choose it mostly because they prefer it. Actions speak louder than words and I don't care if she says the guy is boring and she can't wait to leave him, if she doesn't do it, her actions tell me she prefers that over leaving him, and you are being used.

 

Sorry I can't help southpasdena any more, but I'm just saying it's not as black and white as some would have us believe.

 

It seems very black and white. I see these types of situations all day long from the 5 different relationship boards I post on and 99% all follow a similar pattern. Exceptions to occur but I don't play with exceptions because they are rare, and the situation isn't healthy even if it were an exception.

[cheatin in your dreams]

I still think things aren't black and white. You can't over-simplify emotion like that.

 

These thoughts still run through your head - you may be right ultimately - but the person involved has to reach that conclusion themselves and until these thoughts are tidied up in one's head they will continue to nag away. It's human nature.