7 months post break up & the ex wants to be friends...why?

[kohnny]

Background in brief:

 

Went out with ex for 16 months. She is 43 and had a child. The relationship ended suddenly and very abruptly due to a misunderstanding and a high degree of pigheadedness on my part. After 5 weeks of NC I regretted the split and went back to reconcile..no good...she refused to get back with me.

 

But, within a few ddays he is making contact with me by sending me the odd txt message and email jokes. This lasted about 3 weeks then I phoned her and asked her if she wanted to meet for a drink. She said yes but also told me she was seeing another guy. I was devastated and told her no more contact. She didnt seem to care at all about that.

 

Anyway..to cut a very long story short she text me out the blue about 2 months ago (4 months after we broke up) and says her life is crap and she hopes mines is great. That text lead to an exchange of emails and now MSN discussions. So, nearly 6 and a half months after breaking up and not seeing each other we are talking on MSN. She informed me she had gone through hell after our break up and had become deeply depressed and was now on anti-depressants.

 

But...here's the strange thing...she says we can only ever be friends now. But she is also asking me questions like why on a certain night when we were together did I not hug and kiss her and why on another occasion did I not hold her in bed. 'If only you had held me for 10 minutes' she said. Wow, then it turns out that the reason she would not get back with me originally was because she thought I had gone off her in the relationship.

 

I explained that this was not the case and that I had always loved her. She told me she felt she had to let me go but knew the pain of losing me would eventually go. I asked her if the pain had gone. She replied 'Its like a tide, it comes and goes but is getting better.' She also tells me she misses me..but...

 

When I asked her why she was asking me these questions so long after we have broken up (she has had a few dates and one short relationship since we broke up) she says because she is insecure in relastionships. The last MSN conversation we had (last week) I told her straight...I never lost interest in you, I loved you..it was your insecurities that caused the relationship to end..you made a big mistake by letting me go..that she was the best thing I ever had and then I said I was tired and going to bed. I then logged off.

 

4 nights later when I logged on I checked to see if she had deleeted me from her buddy list on MSN..nope..Im still there. But when she logged on she didnt speak to me. Whats the deal? Why is she in contact with me again..why asking all these deep questions about 'us' and why is she saying she wants us to be close and honest friends now..but she can offer nothing more?

 

I still care for this woman and she really did cause me the most amazing pain when she rejected me. I cant be friends with her due to the pain she caused me and because she still means a lot to me. Do I take her at her word and assume she really does just want to be friends and delete her from MSN and go NC forever or do I think she is trying to get closer but slowly and carefully?

I did ask her if there was a chance we could develop the friendship into something more...she said no.

 

Man am I confused....what do I do? Delete or stick around and wait to see what else she might say to me on MSN? She also told me last week that she is not in a relationship but is dating. Talking to her on MSN causes me pain and drags me backwards.

 

Do I give up hope and delete or stick around and see whats really on her mind? Advice please.